Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

I am not a complainer and I dont know exactly what I am feeling.

I had a really, really, rough labor trying for a VBAC and wound up with another csection.

In the hospital I was a MESS being homesick and missing DD1.

we got home Monday and I am still really recovering from the labor/surgery and I am having a really hard time balancing the two of them. DH is home and he has been so amazing and doing everything. DD1 has been so awesome, but I am still feeling such guilt.

I just cant seem to get my emotions in check and I cant wait to feel like myself. I have barely eaten anything since we have been home but I literally have NO appettie and the thought of food sort of turns my stomach.

I miss my old routine with just my DD. I dont kno what is going on here, but I am hoping it is normal. I feel so overwhelmed.

Just hoping for some encouragement or looking for other that went through the sam thing.

Message edited 5/6/2011 12:09:17 PM.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

It is absolutely normal!

It's going to take you a bit of time but just take it easy..

Take whatever help you can get from family and friends to aid in your transition and take care of you.. your hormones are all out of whack and they are making you worse..

take things one day at a time.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

Havent been there but soon will be and wanted to offer you many many

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

Yes, very much so.

All I can say is you do get the hang of it but it is a tough adjustment at first

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

Posted by bicosi

It is absolutely normal!

It's going to take you a bit of time but just take it easy..

Take whatever help you can get from family and friends to aid in your transition and take care of you.. your hormones are all out of whack and they are making you worse..

take things one day at a time.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

I felt the same way. I wasn't able to say goodnight to DS one night because I was BFing DD and I felt horrible about it. I missed being a family of three and felt horrible about that too. Hormones suck.

It's been 4 weeks though and things are much better. You'll develop new routines and the guilt will subside.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

I'm sorry you feel this way


THis is my fear when LO #2 comes home. Like others said, I'm sure it'll just take some time. First week home is always the hardest

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

Posted by bicosi

It is absolutely normal!

It's going to take you a bit of time but just take it easy..

Take whatever help you can get from family and friends to aid in your transition and take care of you.. your hormones are all out of whack and they are making you worse..

take things one day at a time.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

Posted by EricaAlt

I'm sorry you feel this way


THis is my fear when LO #2 comes home. Like others said, I'm sure it'll just take some time. First week home is always the hardest

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

I remember all of those feeling when I brought DD #2 home. I cried at the drop of a hat and was sometimes sad when I knew I should be happy. It will work it's way out.

You will get into a whole new routine and both children will fit right into it. In the beginning the guilt definitely was overwhelming. Just make sure to carve out some special time for DD #1. And of course, make sure there is time for just yourself. Even if it's just putting your feet up with a cup of tea those few minutes are important.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

Posted by bicosi

It is absolutely normal!

It's going to take you a bit of time but just take it easy..

Take whatever help you can get from family and friends to aid in your transition and take care of you.. your hormones are all out of whack and they are making you worse..

take things one day at a time.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

Yes it is hard with all these emotions you mentioned..you will get into a new routine when things settle down.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

YES. I had a relatively easy labor and delivery, but I still felt icky when we were first home. So I can imagine how much harder it must be after having a difficult labor and going through major surgery.

Yes, it was difficult at first, and I felt exactly the way you feel about missing life and your routine with your first LO.

Now, with DD #2 being 7 months old, I am starting to enjoy things again. She has fallen into a nice daytime routine, and is a good napper luckily so DS #1 and I have special time together. And DD and I have "special time" alone together at night... as she does not STTN LOL.

Anyway, thank goodness your hubby is so helpful and your older LO is doing well so far. It will get easier, and you are not alone.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

Jen I had a really hard time when DS came home. DH went back on the road & it was me & MIL/mom stayed for a bit--but I still felt overwhelmed & sad about losing my special time w/ DD.

To me it was a really rough transition.

I'm here if you need to talk.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

Yes, I feel the same way. DS is 3 weeks and the hardest part is not the sleepless nights, but the transition from 1 child to 2. I am having a hard time balancing both DC's needs. It seems like they both need me at the same time. Or if DS is sleeping,DD will want me and I get no time for just me. Hopefully when DS is on more of a schedule it will become easier. Thankfully, DH has been home more lately. But, when he does work, those days are the most difficult.

Hang in there. I hope things get better for you soon. Take advantage of all the help you can so you can get some well deserved mommy time.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

Hang in there. I had help and I still felt this way. I felt so badly for DS that I totally changed his life and our life together. After the first week or two I got more into a routine where I was able to balance my time with the two of them. DS2 is one month old and there are days that I was to scream, but it has gotten soooo much easier. The hardest part for me is not the baby, but handling DS. I can't take the baby out except for walks and the weather has not been so great. DS is bored and I can't blame him. I think the most important thing is to spend extra attention to your older daughter. My family and friends have been very helpful with helping to keep my older son busy. I promise it will get easier very soon. Hang in there.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

Oh yeah, for sure. And even with #3 too.

DH went back to work instantly, so I really didn't have that support. Also, I just felt so sad for disrupting DD's (and then both DDs') life...even though she was perfectly happy. I'll tell you what...after all three children I thought to myself, "What the hell was I thinking? I want my old life back." And then I had all this guilt.

And even though I do really think the hormones have a lot to do with it, I also think it totally normal to mourn your old life. I am incredulous at the women on this site that seem to bring the baby into their worlds and adjust seamlessly as though this MAJOR LIFE CHANGE did not just happen. Me=jealous.

This last time, I broke down crying one evening a couple of days after coming home and DH was like, "Yep, I was wondering when this was going to start."

Hang in there, mama! I'm sure in a couple of weeks' time you'll be back to normal!

Message edited 5/6/2011 3:27:28 PM.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

I could have written this word for word even about the VBAC and 2nd c-section.

I spent a TON of nights at my parents house having my mom/dad take care of DD #2 so I could sleep, while DH took care of DD #1 at home, I just couldn't do it.

My grandmother takes DD once a week to give me time with the baby, my mother and grandmother were picking up/taking DD to nursery school for me. It was a lot to try and get used to. Once I realized it's totally normal to have the guilt and feel overwhelmed I felt a lot better.

DD #2 is almost 3 months old and only now am I REALLY getting used to the idea of having 2 kids. I finally feel like I'm getting the swing of things.

Take it one day at a time and trust me...it does get easier!!

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

totally and completely how I felt. You will get used to it. Give it some time. You won't know life w/out your 2nd one.

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

The twins are now a month old and while I have adjusted better than the beginning there are still a ton of days where I find myself questioning the mess I got myself into.

I just try to take it day by day. And have found each day it does get better and better!

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

absolutely normal!

I think for me it was worse bc DS#2 was a preemie & did not come home for 1 month after he was born, I went home from the hospital & even though I was running back to see him, I had my old routine with just DS#1.

Then when I brought #2 home, I had to get use to caring for not only a preemie but also #1 who was not yet walking. I had my mom staying with me & even with the extra hands, I felt so overwhelmed & felt that I was giving #1 the cold shoulder bc I had to always tend to #2.

I can tell you that it did get better. For me, it was about a month until I figured it all out & felt much better about the entire situation

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

ive been away so long i had no idea you had another congrats jenn!!

on another note though..i was such a mess i had a panic attack on the way home from the hospital...it took a few months for me to really get into the groove bc mine were so close in age..but believe me, it gets easier every day..youll get there

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

I am really nervous about this too and have been since before I even got PG! I felt the exact same way you did when I brought DD1 home 2 years ago, and I worry that I will feel the same way compounded with the feelings of guilt and sadness about our special time. Those feelings did pass after exactly two weeks, though, once we established a routine. DD and I are best friends and inseparable! I hope it gets better for you -- please keep us moms of 2 to be posted!

Re: Anyone have a really hard time the first week home with #2?

you've gotten great advice-i have completely been there too...
i promise you there is going to come a day when you won't even remember life without your 2nd DD!! it will be that normal and wonderful! i promise!
the beginning- the adjustment, sux big time!!! just hang in there!