those who are divorced or have step children - school/custody question UPDATE

My exH and I have an almost 2 year old DS. ExH is moving back to our hometown, so we will be 5 minutes apart, which would work great for DS. BUT...my current BF and I are tossing around the idea of moving up to the Saratoga area (about 3 hours away). The only thing stopping us is the custody issue of my DS. My exH and I have joint custody right now, which means that DS lives with each of us equally (me for 1 week, ExH for 1 week). I dont really know how this would work if I moved 3 hours away. Furthermore, in 3 years when he starts Kindergarden, how would the school year/visitastion work?? The school districts down here in Rockland County are better than the ones upstate, so I'm sure ExH would want him to go to school here.

Anyone who is divorced now or has step children, can you give your input on how you decided to work this? Do you have joint custody? Do you live close to your Ex? I'm so torn...our quality of life would be 100 times better upstate and relaly we cant much afford to live down here at this point in our lives.

UPDATE:
I called and spoke to my lawyer this afternoon. Since my agreement doesnt specify that ExH and I have to live in a certain radius of each other and I do not need written consent from him to move, we can work this however we choose. ExH and I are amicable so my lawyer suggested that I talk to him and we come to an agreement. We can choose to continue to have joint physical custody and alternate weeks with DS until he is of school age and then, at that point, we would revisit the agreement and decide who would get primary physical custody for school. I'm still a little worried about it because I cant imagine not seeing him other than weekends during the school year, but at the same time, I would rather US decide on this than having a court decide for us.

thanks for everyone's advice!!

Message edited 6/6/2011 1:20:00 PM.

Re: those who are divorced or have step children - school/custody question

Wow, this is a good question. I would say that the week with you, week with ExH switch off would be easier since it's a whole week and not just a weekend. And, I would imagine that you could split it. You would go pick him up from Ex and Ex would come to you to pick him up so it's not always the one person..but that makes 6 hours in the car for the other person on their driving days.

That's really tough and maybe worth asking your lawyer about.

Re: those who are divorced or have step children - school/custody question

I would speak to an attorney & do it quickly. He can prevent you from moving & it may be a time sensitive thing if he doesn't live in the area & is moving back.

Re: those who are divorced or have step children - school/custody question

Message edited 6/3/2011 4:46:54 PM.

Re: those who are divorced or have step children - school/custody question

Message edited 11/12/2011 5:36:56 PM.

Re: those who are divorced or have step children - school/custody question

Review your custody agreement as there likely is a provision about relocating with respect to giving your Ex notice, etc

and who is the residential parent for school purposes?


and if you and your Ex can not agree on how to work it out you will need to get the court involved.

Re: those who are divorced or have step children - school/custody question

Does your agreement specify "joint custody" or joint "residental custody" ?

Its always been my understanding that its very hard to obtain joint "residential" custody which is basically what you would have if the child spent equal amount of time at both mother and fathers residence (in which both parents would reside in the same school district etc..) ...The parents need to be extremely ammicable and be open to that arrangement...I think it is s very "specific" agreement (or at least thats what I have always been under the impression anyhow)

My DH has joint "custody" which basically means all major decisions are "supposed" (yeah right) be made by both parents but SD resides with the BM....

The BM in our situation is prohibited in their agreement from moving out of state, but I am uncertain how its specified as far as how far she "can" go, but I believe it is written where as she may not move anywhere that would interfere with my DH's agreed upon visitation schedule...

I would definately have this worked out with an attorney sooner, rather than later

Re: those who are divorced or have step children - school/custody question

My parents are divorced and while I was in school lived 3 hours away from each other. I lived primarily with my mom and every other weekend went to my dads. It was a lot of car time for everyone but we didn't have any other choice. I also spent 6 weeks of the summer at my dads. Good luck with your decision!

Re: those who are divorced or have step children - school/custody question

In most divorce stips I have read, including my own..there is a milage radious given on how far you can move. I have "joint custody" with my Ex DH - but I am residential custody. Meaning she lives with me and visits with her Dad. Bops described it correctly above. Anyway, I cannot move within a certain amount of miles from where I was living whren the agreement was signed, unless I get permission from a judge. Truthfully though. I think if you moved that far away, you would have to have residential custody and have DC visit on weekends and weeks in summer as also stated above. It would be too much during school days to go back and forth. JMO. I definately think you need to talk consult an atty about this.

Re: those who are divorced or have step children - school/custody question

DH has joint custody of his son but bm has residential custody. She can not move out of suffolk county without DH's permission.

Re: those who are divorced or have step children - school/custody question

Unless it is specified in the order you can usually move, but i would definitly check with a lawyer. As for the SD issue, that can be totally up to you and your X as you can decide that you want him to go to that SD or yours. But that may also wind up in a change in the custody arangements. If you live too far away it may not be feasible to place your child in a school distirct and switch every other week of custody. Also are you and your X both renting or owning where you are living. You never know where you may be living when your child goes to school.

Re: those who are divorced or have step children - school/custody question

Since we did an uncontested divorce, we wrote up our own agreement (with the help of a lawyer). We have joint residential custody - so he lives with both of us equally. Mind you, he is only 2 years old right now, so it doesnt interfere with school yet. We did not put any stipulation about how far either of us can move or anything like that, so it would all have to be visited now. At the moment, I do not need written consent from ExH to move anywhere.

I have a call in to my lawyer. I have a feeling we may need to go to family court to figure this one out...