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snowflake09
LIF Adult
Member since 4/10 1076 total posts
Name:
Jillian (Bean08)
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Word Associations...
I'm not really sure why, but for the past couple of weeks I've been thinking a lot about the words or phrases that I have problems saying, or thinking about, since losing Sarah. I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I thought that some of you ladies might really understand my thoughts...
For the longest time, I had such a hard time saying that my daughter is dead. I still can't really say it. I stumble on the words, and never really know what fits. I don't know how to answer people when they ask me about her. I also couldn't say the word stillborn...I've gotten better with this one, because I feel like I can help to educate people in some way, and that if people hear the word, they will realize that it happens way too often, and that it's a sad reality that many people have to go through.
Another term that I have a hard time with is "lost". Sometimes I do say that I "lost" my daughter...but it just feels so wrong. I didn't lose her - it's not like I misplaced her. I never got a chance to enjoy her...I never got to really meet her, or hear her cry...I didn't lose her. I had (and still do have) such feelings of anger when I would hear that people had said "Jillian lost the baby", because I felt like it put all of the blame on me. I put so much blame on myself as is, I just feel like I don't need to hear it from other people. I know that people aren't malicious when they say it, but I just can't come to terms with it. It brings with it feelings of guilt that I have had such a hard time getting through.
Heartbroken is the word that comes to mind to describe me...And if anything, I'm the one that has been lost through all of this...
Message edited 7/8/2011 5:03:11 PM.
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Posted 7/8/11 4:41 PM  |
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skinny
3 boys and a princess!
Member since 11/08 8178 total posts
Name:
Momma
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Re: Word Associations...
Honestly, I don't even know what to say. I feel so bad that you are going through this.
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| Posted 7/8/11 8:04 PM |
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bettybcafe
Big brother in the making
Member since 7/07 8611 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Word Associations...
I am really sorry. Reading this truly breaks my heart 
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| Posted 7/8/11 8:17 PM |
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mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!
Member since 3/09 8585 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Word Associations...
I can't even imagine how hard those words are to say and hear because of the sadness associated with them. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
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| Posted 7/8/11 9:28 PM |
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Melissa1013
My sweet boy
Member since 1/08 1933 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Word Associations...
I know it's not easy...
I can't make it better but I can send hugs.
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| Posted 7/8/11 10:40 PM |
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Megs4
LIF Adult
Member since 11/08 1619 total posts
Name:
Megan
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Re: Word Associations...
I'm so sorry.
I was only 10 weeks pregnant when I miscarried but only once did I say the words "I lost the baby" - when I called my mom immediately after I found out. I have never been able to say it again, but hear it over and over in my head and it never makes sense, so on that level I completely relate.
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| Posted 7/8/11 11:30 PM |
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KPanas
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 1691 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Word Associations...
Im so sorry
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| Posted 7/8/11 11:38 PM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21539 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Word Associations...
My heart breaks for you! I'm so sorry
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| Posted 7/9/11 10:01 AM |
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KMCGK
Gotta have faith
Member since 7/09 2176 total posts
Name:
Keep the Faith
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Re: Word Associations...
Heartbroken, that truly is how I feel sometimes too. So sorry that you have the same feelings. I'm hoping that one day I'll be able to put the pieces back together, heal and remember in a positive way.
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| Posted 7/10/11 8:01 PM |
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