SO AGITATED

So my SD's mother and SD are driving me crazy with all this drama their causing. My SD is part of her HS's sports team and this past week started practices; well the practices fell within a time frame that was inconvenient for me and my 10 month old son to help with. Now, all summer long, I've done nothing but take my SD any place she wanted and needed to go and I go out of my way to accommodate her and help if her mother can't do it. So this past week the scheduling just fell while my son naps and I wasn't able to help with the driving... well her mother actually had the audacity to ask why I can't break my son's schedule to drive and pick up her daughter. And what's going to happen if I have more of my own children, I'll never break their schedule for the other. What she fails to realize is that my son's schedule is what I enforced and made work for me. And I would work any addt'l children the same way. But who is she to question my parenting? Who is she to offer any input especially when 1st, she is not my daughter and 2nd, there are plenty of issues that both my SD and her bio son have that are I'm sure a result of not only the divorce, but also her lack of routine while they were growing up.

And to top it all off, a week later, my DH gets a text from his ex saying he should really have a "heart to heart" with my SD about what she's feeling! Which I guarantee is about me! And probably how she doesn't feel comfortable in my house b/c there's so many rules and regulations and I'm so strict! And how she feels she can't see her father b/c my son's schedule interferes with her schedule! UGH!!!! I hate all this nonsense and how it ultimately affect my marriage. Any advice? TYIA!

Re: SO AGITATED

I'm a little confused, were you suppose to drive SD to practice while she was visiting you & DH (aka.. in your custody) or did Bio Mom expect you to pitch in & help out randomly?
I'm going to assume your DH wasn't involved because he was at work.

Re: SO AGITATED

If you have a routine that you won't break, then you have a routine. What can I or anyone say? That's your decision. If it's not convenient for you then your DH and her mother will have to figure something out. Not exactly sure why you're making this your problem, just let it go. If he needs to have a heart to heart with her, then so be it. If it's about her complaining that you wouldn't change your schedule then that's what it is, it's true isn't it? If you feel that you're in the right then just let it go. No need to stress yourself out. I've learned (and it took a LONGGG time) to back off and just let things be, don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

Re: SO AGITATED

My SD's mom had the plan all worked out where she would handle the arrangements b/c she knew of my routine with my son and at first knew her responsibilities as her mother; however, after thinking about it for 2 days, she called my DH saying she didn't understand why I can't break my son's schedule for the 3 days she needed me to. Or what I would do if I had another child... Apparently at first, her mother had the schedule all worked out, but then the night before the week began she started panicking b/c she's not a good planner and didn't realize when she told us that she had it all handled she had to drive her other son somewhere at a similar time. My DH then went on to ask who out there normally has another person acting as another mother? And who has the option to normally have another person take care of their child/children without question or payment? He kept saying how much I normally do and how for this one week, she needs to step up and be the mother! My DH said if he wasn't working then of course it wouldn't be a discussion, but to call the night before and make a huge deal out of something she led us to believe wasn't is not the right way to go about it...

Believe me, I'm normally not one for drama. And I told my husband I don't over dramatize anything b/c I just can't deal with the nonsense, but my SD and her mother both have the flair for drama and make huge mountains out of not even mole hills, ant hills! LOL... Thanks ladies for just listening letting me vent!

Re: SO AGITATED

Sorry you are going through all of this

As someone who is going through all these crazy try-outs & practice times with my own teenager I have one word & suggestion CARPOOL. Let her get together with some of the other moms from the team & get a schedule going. Seems to me she's looking at you as the 3rd available taxi driver.

What you do with your family & how you raise your child is your business.... & thats coming from a BM with your similar situation.

Re: SO AGITATED

I am confused and I hope no one takes this wrong.

The girl has two parents. What if you were not in picture?

It is rare anyone has a third parent to reply on!

And why should you be told having another kid is "inconvenient"?

No one told her that her daughter would be inconvenient.

I believe a Step parent should do what they can yes, but she had her child, now it's your turn to have yours like anyone else (or two or three).

Re: SO AGITATED

I was torn on whether or not to respond to this, but then I re-read your last line asking for advice and figured well you want it, so I am offering what advice I have with my experience. Please do not be offended by anything I say, I am just trying to offer a a different picture.

I also have an infant at home, same age, and we have rules at my house to. SD has been very good with abiding by them and is an absolutely amazing big sister. My DD is on a schedule and I stick to it, unless there is something that comes up that prevents me from sticking to it 100%. I have had complaints about not doing things bc of her schedule and I deal with it and its fine. (complaints from everyone, not SD's BM)

However, in this instance, DD can nap in her carseat while I take SD to practice. I will even sit in the car at practice or drive around so DD gets her full nap in. In this situation I would accomodate. While SD is not your daughter, she is your family, like it or not. Defending your actions, by pointing out 1. she is not your daughter seems strange to me. When SD is around we are a family of four even though Im not her BM. I just feel like the sentiment should be the other way around, even though you are not my bio daughter, I would still do anything for you.
Regarding the BM telling you how to parent, I kinda think that this was taken out of proportion. Even though you do have a schedule, and you will with your next, things come up with two kids unexpected that you will have to adjust one schedule for another (ie one kid gets sick). It is inevitably going to happen. I dont think she was saying you are a bad mother.

Maybe your SD is upset and maybe you and DH should talk to her. Im not sure if this is the case, but she should feel that she has 3 (or 4 of BM is married) parents, not 2 and a step.
Again, I hope I didnt offend you, just pointing out how I read it. I obviously do not now all the details, but this is how I saw it reading the details you did give.

Re: SO AGITATED