When do you say enough is enough?

DH and I had a tearful conversation the other day about whether we will stop trying if the IVF doesn't work in August. There is no good or easy answer to that question. Part of me says "Keep going until you get that BFP!" and the other part says "You are missing out on the rest of your life because you are so consumed by this!"

So I ask all of you, in your personal situations, what is your "line in the sand" where you will say no more trying and either move on to adoption or decide to forgo being parents altogether?

Message edited 6/13/2006 1:51:26 PM.

Re: When do you say enough is enough?

Lauren - I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I don't think this is something that can be answered. Would I have kept on going at the sake of my marriage...maybe but probably not. Would I keep on exploring possiblities? Yes, without a doubt. For me, if there is something out there that I want and it is possible for me to get it through means of my own, I couldn't never stop trying. However, I would look into adoption at the same time. The two don't have to be mutually exclusive.

I hope this is an answer that does get answered for you in the best possible way!

Re: When do you say enough is enough?

Now that we are in the first IVF, the thought is on my mind. Although I can't predict the future, and I hope I never have to make that decison, but in my mind, once the insurance stops paying, we're done - thats 4 with this company.

I'm open to adoption, but DH isn't, so we'll see

Re: When do you say enough is enough?

Lauren, I had this conversation with myself many times, but I wasn't ready to give up. As another poster had said...I knew that as long as there was something I could do, I would keep going no matter how hard it was emotionally. Although...I did want to give up on the IUI's and go straight for the IVF, the doctor said it would not be in my best interest because it didn't fit our situation just yet. I listened to him...and luckily, it worked out in my favor.

I hope you and your DH can come to a conclusion that works for the both of you...and if you ever need to talk, just FM me.

Re: When do you say enough is enough?

Lauren - Every person's situation is different - moral, religious, ethical stands all factoring in.

I feel lucky - yes lucky - because in today's day & age we have so many options that women say 20 years ago could not even dream of.

In my case -- my RE has recommended donor egg. Well I am not quite ready to throw in the towel just yet. So I will try IVF again and see how I respond. Until I try again (September), I have decided to just relax and enjoy myself during this "break". No more acupuncture, no more amma massage - but I will try to lose weight. I will also go out, have fun, have some drinks, travel, and spend time with friends and family.

I am 39 - 40 in August - so I feel like I have to rush but man plans and God laughs so...

My RE said - one way or another, I will have a baby. Be it IVF, natural, donor egg, or adoption....I feel I can't move on from one thing until I have exhausted the previous option for me, and while I still have possibilites to explore.

Message edited 6/13/2006 2:44:52 PM.

Re: When do you say enough is enough?

Ugh, this is something I think about every single day. I don't actually have that "line in the sand", although I think DH does. I believe he's ready to stop.

Some days I wonder why I bother, and that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be childless. Vacations, sleeping late, more $$, etc....and then I see a baby, and tears well up in my eyes b/c I want that SO BADLY...so I know I can't stop yet.

Yes, there are other options such as DE, GC, and adoption. Some days I think I can deal with that, and some I can't even think about it. I wish I could, but something inside me just tells me to keep going. But, I'm not sure for how much longer.

I don't even know if this makes sense...sorry for babbling.

Re: When do you say enough is enough?

Have had this talk as well and think about it often. I may be in the minority but I wont stop or say enough is enough until Im forced to ( ie...menopause) .

I cant remember A time when I DIDNT want a baby. I was the silly one jealous of the high school girls who got PG, Who played with babies as a child versus friends...when I got accidently pg when I was 21, it was the complete wrong time, yet I never felt more complete in my life. I would have moved the earth literally to give that baby everything the world can offer ...I have never felt as much drive, compassion , perspective and life as I did then and I knew once I lost her, my "lot in life" so to speak was to be a mommy ...

So...I may say this is too much, I cant handle this, I want this to end, But I know in my heart until forced on me I would do anything and will continue to do so till theres no more tries left.

I do think I feel better age wise knowing I have "some time". Im 31 now , so its conceivable I would have some years yet to try and that makes me feel better sometimes.

I think this is the roughest decision anyone ever has to make when it comes to parenting and being a parent...the decision to try to move on with life...and I have the utmost respect and admiration for people who decide enoughs enough .

as you can see from all our different responses, there is no easy answer.

Wishing you strength and clarity in the days and months and maybe years to come Lauren

Message edited 6/13/2006 6:02:17 PM.

Re: When do you say enough is enough?

Everybody's tolerance levels are different. For me, I personally could not handle the infertility work-up any longer, emotionally or physically, and once I started the adoption process, I never looked back. Best of luck to you. I've shed so many tears over infertility and admire all of you going through this. Don't ever give up on being a mommy. If you want it badly enough, it will come to you -- whether it's through your belly or someone else's.

Re: When do you say enough is enough?

Lauren - I'm sorry you are going through this. I have no advice, because I'm not even TTC yet. I just wanted to offer some..

Re: When do you say enough is enough?

Thanks everyone.

I knew I wouldn't be getting an answer out of this thread, I just wanted to see what some of your lines of thinking are to help me through.

I'm hoping all of this thinking is a moot point and that either this IUI or the August IVF give us what we want!!



Wishing that we all get what we want!!

Re: When do you say enough is enough?

Lauren,

I could have written what you wrote. I have always had this driving urge to be a Mom-like i had something great to offer. I have had one M/C and we rae still trying-I got my Dr to give me progesterone supplements because my progesterone was low so we'll see what happens!

Re: When do you say enough is enough?

whatever you decide to do good luck to you and your husband. maybe you should take a break for a while and then continue in a few months. sending you

Re: When do you say enough is enough?

Posted by leighla

Thanks everyone.

I knew I wouldn't be getting an answer out of this thread, I just wanted to see what some of your lines of thinking are to help me through.

I'm hoping all of this thinking is a moot point and that either this IUI or the August IVF give us what we want!!



Wishing that we all get what we want!!