I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

I texted my friend that I found the movie less of a comedy & more of a documentary. We saw it together & laughed that it was us. The only comedy part comes from the fact that other than the high-powered job, I've encountered every character from the movie & comments too.

I went to another Open House at school & didn't get home until after 9pm last night & then spent the night sorting medical & camp receipts for my Flex Spending Account.

I woke up in a panic at 4am because I forgot to transfer an employee in the system. It only results in our headcount being off by 1 but my boss can't subtract 1 for the number. Then I stayed up for another hour trying to make my list of things to do.

This morning, I got myself pratically ready. I say "practically ready" because I only dried my hair for 10 minutes before the kids woke up & decided to inundate me with all of the misc items they forgot to tell me last night. I put a call out to the universe so that we get a monsoon & everyone else will have equally crappy hair this am.

I found clothes for fashion-impaired (or perhaps color & pattern blinded) children in my life, signed paperwork for a homework, permission slips & school play participation. On my way out the door got the lice notification from the PTA, turned back round & sprayed my kids & myself with the Rosemary Repel, reminded DH that DD needed lunch, DS needed a snack & DD has religion tonight. I kissed, re-kissed, kissed hands & dealt with weepiness that they didn't see me last night, I didn't read them the bedtime story & they missed me. I arranged for floor guys to give an estimate on my train ride in. Forgot to call DD's teacher at 8am.

I started thinking about the crap things people have said to me over the years. Here is what I have:

-I don't know how you do it (said by countless people implying their disbelief, disgust, sympathy, or pity).

- I didn't go back to work because I wanted to be there for my children.


- We're having a mother's day brunch the Friday before Mother's Day to celebrate. it's at 10 am. (why the hell do I have my kid in daycare if you want me somewhere at 10am??)

- You work?! My wife & I feel it's important that my children really get a sense of family so she stayed home.

- How do you feel having someone else raise your child? That must bother you. (same guy later asked to HIRE me - yeah no thanks)

- Of course he's crying when he sees you leave. He barely gets to see you because you get home late.

- She's very clingy & has separation anxiety but it's understandable. I mean, you do work in the city.

- I know you have to leave early to get home for the kids. (at 5:30 pm)

-As soon as we had kids, my wife stopped working to stay home with our kids. But we worked it out. She gets a salary & a yearly cost of living increases. (from the boss that doesn't give cost of living increases).

- I don't believe in working moms. (I don't believe in the tooth fairy but am pretty sure working moms DO exist).

- if you want to be a class mom, you must be fully available during the day. (ok, so applying is out, right?)

- I was the only one on the field trip without a parent. (Kill me. Kill me right now. THIS is the hardest one to hear because it comes from the two people whose opinions count more than ANYONE else).

I do wish the movie had people like the SAHM who called me when the school shut down due to snow & said "I know you're in the city. I remember how hard it was for me. Do you want me to pick your kids up for you? I can keep them until dinner."

Feel free to add your day/comments/etc.

Message edited 9/20/2011 4:22:18 PM.

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

I don't even know where to start.

Maybe I thought it would be easier at 6, but it's harder. So much harder.

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

I don't know what to say.....working full time and having a child is so hard.
I know I have it better than most FTWM, because I get off work early enough to get her off the bus. But her bus comes at 3:30, I work until 3 and have a 25 minute commute. When it rains...I panic. When there is traffic....I panic. I spend every day in the car on the way home a nervous wreck that I won't make it to the bus stop in time.

I also have to get up for work at 5:30 am. I'm tired and crabbly, and hate that dd is sleeping when I leave and I can't see her, if I wake her by accident she cries for me and I'm late.

I want to see that movie, it looks good.

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

Your post actually has me in tears. It's all so true. Didn't realize how overwhelmed, guilty and horrible I really feel to be a full time working mom.

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

1) You should join the PTA, we meet at 10 a.m. on Wednesdays.

2) Do you want to work, or do you HAVE to work?

3) Mother's Day Tea 10 am, Halloween Parade 1 pm, etc.....

4) Welcome to Girl Scouts, you need to take two 3 hour classes on a weekday in Commack, or you can take them from 6-9 pm on a weekday in Riverhead or Yaphank.

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

I was waiting for your opinion about this movie... not sure if I'm going to bother seeing it... I go to the movies to escape my life...lol.

"I don't know how you handle two toddlers and get out the door in the morning."

From my yearly review, "Mrs. X should consider voluntarily attending more extra-curricular activities and sporting events (read: weeknights and weekends) so students will feel support from her beyond the classroom"... I teach in Nassau, I live in Suffolk, DH works in NYC.

From the pre-K teacher, "Would you rather chaperone the library field trip for the morning or afternoon (12:30)? I work, that's why they are in full day Pre-K.

And like Sunny, racing to the 3 pm school dismissal... takes 35 minutes to drive there in perfect weather going 65-70... the last bell ending extra help is at 2:20... someone taps on the break for no reason... rain or ugh... snow... I'm screwed.

And WTH is with the PTA meetings being during the day????? For what we pay in taxes they should either be in the evenings or at least alternate... don't get me started on that one

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

I want to see this movie. As a single working mom...I don't get a chance to go to a movie unless I hire a sitter so I can spend less time with my kid

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

Message edited 9/20/2011 9:21:19 PM.

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

Reading this just makes me think "I don't know how the f uck I do it" but I do! No, I don't go to PTA meetings or volunteer much at the school anymore. And my apartment is not as clean and organized. I don't give a fluck what people think anymore either LOL.

-Single, working full time, mom.

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH

And WTH is with the PTA meetings being during the day????? For what we pay in taxes they should either be in the evenings or at least alternate... don't get me started on that one

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

Last night I went to parent information night.. I said hi to a few faces that I recognized - parents of my kid's friends. I realized that half these women were clustered together in big groups chatting about things I had no idea about because I've been the working mom. I've missed half their parties, I stopped getting invited to midday collectives, I never hang out after the PTA meetings because I couldn't, I don't volunteer for book fair or field day or field trips or really anything.. because I never had the time.

I was a friendly ghost.. a stranger among people who I should know better than anyone.

I am laid off now. Adjusting to all of this time with my children is INCREDIBLY difficult. They crave me and even after months they still act as though I'm going to disappear at any moment. They want to be with me every second.. like they are making up for the crazy life I led before - when I was gone before 6 and home after 7. When my home time was divided between meeting deadlines, shuffling through bills and "OH SH*T! I've got to get that e-mail done before work tomorrow!"

Comments? Yeah - pretty much everything you mentioned plus:

"It's okay Mom.. I know you have to work.." when I missed yet ANOTHER ball game because of a work crisis.

"Scott's mom brought an extra bottle of water for me." When I forgot to pack a water bottle for field day.

"Why do we need to go to a Christmas party with your work? They have you all the rest of the time!"

"I could NEVER leave my kids all day .. no amount of money is worth missing their childhood!"

"Jeannie - we have the end of school party coming up and since you didn't get a chance to do ANY of the other events this year I figured I would see if you wanted first dibs to participate in this one.."

"My mom was a class mom every year for me and all my siblings" My husband.. thanks babe.

"I never understood mother's who take man jobs. It's like they don't care that they are hurting their babies! It's not natural!" My FIL.

"YOU CAME!!" when I showed up as mystery reader for Noah's kindergarten class. Followed by the longest, clingiest surprised and gratified hug in the history of the universe.

"Mmma!" my oldest son's first word.. spoken to MY MOTHER.. his caregiver while I worked.


Want to know why I'm not hysterical yet over the fact that I haven't procured a new job.. despite the fact that the bills are piling up and I'm TERRIFIED that I might lose my house? Read above. That's why.

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

I traveled a lot this summer for work and I often got: "Mommy, I sleep in your spot when you go out of town for work because I miss you."

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

omg this actually has me tearing up

I am a sahm and I take care of my 2 nephews because my sil an d bil both work full time
I have them 10 hours a day and I see how hard it is for them especially my sil
she tries to make as much as she can

sometimes I wish I had a job with other adults instead of constantly answering to little people all the time I miss adult conversation etc
and my sil LOVES her job but there are times she wishes she could just be at school pick up or dropping off at preschool

anyway I dont know what my point was just that its hard both ways nobody should judge or look down on anyone else in this situation
while some people say stupid things about working moms they also act like just because I am a sahm I must be stupid or I have no goals because I am just a "mom"

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

Re: I Don't Know How She Does It (movie-parenting related ramble)

I understand exactly how you feel. I have my own business.. the only plus is if I farg something up no one yells at me (well, customers do, but that is a different story) and I can put a sign on my door if something happens..

But seriously- between managing my business- filling store hours, purchasing, managing the books, staffing, etc etc it's a lot..

then there is the pta (i'm on the board) and the chamber of commerce (highly involved)

people ask me how I do it- I tell them caffeine.