So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

My twins are 9 months. My DS STTN in his crib no problem. My DD on the other hand has never STTN but also never slept a full night in her crib!

Yes I know this is bad. She usually ends up in the PNP or on the floor with DH. Very bad I know but we get to the point where we need our sleep to get through the day and take it however we can get it. We are still deep in the trenches of survival mode. We have zero downtime at all - they go to bed very late.

I should mention she has had some feeding issues. She will not eat if she is not hungry, no way no how so there is no way of feeding her extra in order for her to go to sleep. She wakes up at least every 2 hours either to eat or be held or moved. She has to eat at least once during the night bc she does not finish all of her bottles during the day. She barely eats solids so she still needs her bottles. DS eats entire bowls of food, DD licks the spoon if I am lucky.

We have tried putting her in the crib more aggressively lately and she sleeps in there for a half hour or so and then wails. We CANNOT let her CIO because she will wake up DS. Moving the crib into another room is not an option, we live in an apt.

Its coming to the point where we cant take it anymore, she is too old and this needs to stop and improve now.

Any advice on what to do?

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

Good God, I feel so horrible for you. Sleep deprivation, is the worst form of torture. Esepcially when you are simultaneously trying to put someone to sleep while fighting to staying awake yourself:(((

My twins are only 6 weeks old. Its been rough just these few weeks, I can not imagine what you have been through.

Just throwing this out there....you said you can't move her or her crib, is it possible to have your DS sleep in your room for a week or two and let her CIO in her room?

I am not in your position (yet) but I can tell you I would def CIO at 9 months, if it meant her sleeping in her room and everyone else sleeping in the tub
This is NOT fair to you or anyone else, I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope it changes VERY soon.

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

Personally, I would let her CIO. H. gave us a hard time w/ STTN so we did CIO w/ him. The boys share a room. G. got used to hearing H. cry and now G. can sleep through anything. It took less than a week and both boys were sleeping almost 12 hours a night (and still are now @ 15mo).

You mentioned that they go to bed late. How late? What's their schedule like during the day?

I would go NUTS if were you! Nothing is worse than a lack of sleep!

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

Thanks so much for replying!

I see what you are saying. I will bring this up to DH but my DS sleeps so well. I don't want to disrupt him and risk messing his sleeping up you know what I mean?

Its not just the sleep deprivation for us. Although its pretty bad. Its more of the fact that my DD is so all over the place. She needs to have consistency.

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

Posted by skinny

Personally, I would let her CIO. H. gave us a hard time w/ STTN so we did CIO w/ him. The boys share a room. G. got used to hearing H. cry and now G. can sleep through anything. It took less than a week and both boys were sleeping almost 12 hours a night (and still are now @ 15mo).

You mentioned that they go to bed late. How late? What's their schedule like during the day?

I would go NUTS if were you! Nothing is worse than a lack of sleep!

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

Georgie would just fall back asleep within 5-10 minutes. Honestly, we just let him cry himself back to sleep. We didn't pick him up. They are both GREAT sleepers now, so it was totally worth it!

At first we tried putting Hunter in the PNP in the living room. I would sleep on the couch. He'd wake up and would claw at the PNP. It was horrible. He finally just had to get used to his crib. I felt bad hearing him cry, but I would have jumped off a bridge by now if they were still up at night. I know people whose 2-3yo kids are still terrible sleepers. I need my sleep and could never deal w/ that!!!

Georgie just got used to hearing Hunter cry. He "taught" himself to fall back to sleep on his own.

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

You poor thing .....

I agree, DO CIO.

We have had to do it a few times, the other one always sleeps right through it. or Stirs but either cries a bit and goes back to bed or doesnt cry.

We did cio at 5 months for both, I was lucky , it was fast, but sometimes now they will each cry a bit here and there and we just have to let them.

I dont think you have any other choice. IMO if you even seperate and put a crib in the living room and one on the bedroom, it wont work, because the change is too big.

LOTS OF LUCK!!!

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

Thanks so much guys! I know this is the right thing to do - and we just have to do it. I will talk it over with DH further. I just feel so bad for my poor DS, he is such a good sleeper.

BTW how long should we let her cry? This girl is loud and my landlord lives downstairs! Should have mentioned that in my initial post haha

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

You poor thing! I agree with the others...time to do CIO.

I would just do and leave them in the same room and get it done all at once. It may be a rough week but your life will be so much better in a week or so!

Right now if one baby wakes up crying the other can sleep right through it. It amazes me.

If you really don't want to disturb DS too much. You could take him out and have him sleep in a pack n play in your room for the first 2 nights when DD may be crying for a little longer of a period of time. Then bring him back on the 3rd night. Just a thought but I think if it were me I would bite the bullet and do it all together.

Good luck!

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

I agree that it is definitely time to CIO. It literally changed our loves. DS has alwasy been a great sleeper and DD would cry the second she got in the crib. Onoe night i decided no more and did CIO with her. I held DS downstairs with me until DD fell asleep. 48 minutes of screaming and crying, she finally fell asleep. The next night, 10 minutes and she was out. After about 3 nights, she went right down. We hit a few roadblocks after a few weeks. Now she likes to wake up at 12:30. She wants nothing but for us to come in the room. So we started letting her CIO for that too. She is doing pretty good with that. Didn't wake up the past 2 nights (knock on wood). Since they go to bed late, maybe try putting DD down a little earlier, like maybe an hour or so, and let her CIO. Then when she falls out put DS down? This way you can get her on an earlier sleeping schedule if you wanted too. Good luck

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

I agree with what others are saying.....sounds like it is time to do CIO.

You might be surprised. My DS and DD have each had phases where i needed to do it (DS more often) and the other usually sleeps right through it, or stirs a little bit then goes back to sleep.
I saw you write something about the other needing to eat i think. I would strongly suggest NOT giving either of them a bottle if they are up during the night. it will just be another habit you have to break, kwim??

Good luck

ETA; just read about your DD needing to eat at night....didn't notice that at first. but i def wouldn't start it with DS if he sleeps fine without it now.

Message edited 9/21/2011 4:23:11 PM.

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

Thanks so much ladies. I will update with what happens eventually. We are gonna do this soon - within a matter of days. I guess DH and I are kinda chickening out. But we both know its the right thing to do.

Yep DD has major feeding/swallowing issues so unfortunately we can't deny her food in the middle of the night. She eats on a 24 hour a day schedule.

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

How awful. I agree with everyone about CIO, but I have lived in an apt. above my landlord (before having kids) and I would feel so bad on so many more levels doing it. I worried about our next door neighbor in our apt when we had DD and those walls were thick! It sounds like she might be overtired and never gets into that deep sleep phase? Maybe? How is her napping during the day? Also when we had our first DD, if I missed that "sleep window" it was a disaster. Maybe try putting her to bed earlier (if that's possible)? I remember staring at DD watching for those signs of sleepy eyes.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm having minor sleeping issues with DS at 4 months. It is the worst!

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

I did CIO with my boys at 9 months. They learned to sleep through each others cry. They still sleep through the others cry even now at 2.5 years old. I bought the book "Healthy sleep habits, Happy Twins" at 8 months b/c I was losing my mind. CIO worked wonders and with in 4 days they were both on the same schedule and taking amazing naps as well. Good Luck!

Re: So frustrated, upset, worried (sleep related)

Thanks DNR! This makes me hopeful. Has anyone tried the CIO method while living in an apt though? My landlord lives righht below me