Telling others not to wait...

It took DH and I while to finally get to where we are now. I wanted to wait a year after being married to start trying and DH wanted to wait 3 years. We ended up only waiting a year bc DH saw how bad I wanted it and he really started wanting it more and more. There are many people who do not know our situation. We didnt share it with everyone. I have friends who are married and want to wait a few years bc they just arent ready yet. I FEEL LIKE I want to just tell them not to bc you never know what kind of issues may come up and how long it will take. Does anyone else feel like you just want to tell people DONT WAIT. You could be wasting time.

ETA I dont want anyone to think I would tell people not to wait. It seems that way in some of the responses. I just said I feel like I want to tell them that. But each person has to learn for themselves and make their own decisions and do what they want when they feel the time is right for them.

Message edited 1/6/2012 10:51:35 AM.

Re: Telling others not to wait...

Depending on the person I have! Not in a condescending way but more just shared our story and shed some light on infertility in general. I always also told them that of course if they weren't ready to have kids not to try just bc it "could" take a long time...it could also happen right away!

Re: Telling others not to wait...

This is just my personal opinion, but I wouldn't tell anyone "don't wait" because you don't know what their situation is. They may be waiting because they are not ready yet (emotionally, financially, etc.), and making the decision to have kids is such an important and personal one that I wouldn't want to give anyone advice in that area. Also, people used to tell me "don't wait" because DH and I were married for a few years before we decided to have kids, and I used to resent when people said that to me. Also, sometimes people *are* trying to conceive and they just tell people they are waiting because they don't want people to ask them every few weeks "so, are you pregnant yet?" This happened to us too, since once we eventually did start trying to conceive, it took us a while to have success.

Now having said all of that, I understand why you would want to impress upon people the importance of not just waiting around if they don't have what they believe are good reasons to wait... but I would be EXTREMELY subtle about this. Like, don't say "Don't wait because you may have trouble conceiving and you may have issues that you don't know about..." etc. But maybe tell them your story, if you had difficulty conceiving and had to go through infertility treatments. This will get your point across, without being too intrusive or causing any resentment.

Re: Telling others not to wait...

All of my close friends are recently married and my sister is getting married this year. All of them are planning on waiting. Depending on my relationship with them, I have told them not to wait or told them our story. In the same breath, I wasn't ready right away, and I don't think someones else's IF story would have pushed me. I would have appreciated someone telling me if they were having trouble because when we were, it was very hard not knowing anyone in a similar situation (prior to find the IF board). I do have a really hard time listening to my friends say they will wait 3+ years, but in the end its their choice. I am just very open with them about our struggle so they know they can lean on me if they ever go through something similar.

Re: Telling others not to wait...

One of my good friends is currently on jdate trying to meet guys. I told HER she should start trying NOW. Yea, that's how this road has traumatized me!!

ETA: I just want to add that I'm pretty sure all of the people I have said recently to NOT wait.. will be the ones to get pregnant right when they start- and then I'll be blamed!!

Message edited 1/5/2012 8:08:26 PM.

Re: Telling others not to wait...

i just thought the same thing last week when i came out to my family that we graduated from IVF. My cousin is 27 (not old) but i honestly think that the avg age is creeping up into the late 30s and I wanted to tell her to go bank those Eggs for the future.

Its a weird topic to bring up being that she doesnt really know our journey.

Re: Telling others not to wait...

i wouldn't come out and tell anyone not to wait, but i do wish i would have known then what i know now, that it really would take a long time, so we could have gotten to the RE sooner.

Re: Telling others not to wait...

I always knew I would have trouble getting pregnant because my cycles were always soooo long. But I waited anyway, because you never know! We waited about 1 1/2 years before trying, but then went to the RE only 6 months after starting because I knew I would need help.

I have a few friends who are trying and are not having success, but I also know so many who get pregnant on the first shot. So you just never know what it will be like until you try.

If I had a friend who got married older- I would probably tell her not to wait.