Taking it hard-Failed 1st attempt in TTC after Loss

Out of 5 pregnancies ( 3 losses) I guess i got spoiled in getting preg the 1st try the last 4 times. Me & my husband were so confident this time but i woke up with AF and it all feels like l am reliving my grief . Im obsessing over Tristan ( our last baby we lost in January), watching miscarriage related videos and just feel like im about to go off the deep end again. I already decided Im taking at least a 1 month break, maybe 2. Then i have the fears in back of my head, what if my PCOS has finally taken it's toll and i have to worry about being suddenly infertile now? I can feel my PTSD coming back with a force, meaning doing things like taking anyone pregnant or with a newborn off my FB newsfeed, doing anything avoid reminders. When TTC, it didnt bother me as much because i felt hopeful that would be me within weeks so why be bitter or jealous? Im praying none of my preggo friends IM me asking for advice (for some reason they decided Im the go- to person even with what im going thru but i cannot handle it now!) I just feel hopeless, my whole plan was to be finishing or finish my 1st trimester by my due date because i know how insanely emotionally wrecked I will be if i dont have any baby by then. Thank god i dont drive & my husbands at work because I know I would be at my baby's grave on my knees bawling my eyes out if i had a choice right now

Message edited 6/29/2012 2:34:34 PM.

Re: Taking it hard-Failed 1st attempt in TTC after Loss

Taking it hard-Failed 1st attempt in TTC after Loss

im so sorry you have so much grief.

in reality its unrealistic to expect to get pregnant on the first try, the odds are against you. and if you have PCOS you should be counting your lucky stars that you were ever able to get pregnant on the first try ever - but never ever ever have expectations of that being a regular thing. PCOS or not its unrealistic to think it will happen on the first try. you can always hope, but never ever expect.

if you have such bad PTSD and emotional issues, are you sure you are ready to be pregnant again? it is also unrealistic to "plan" to be pregnant by a specific date (and believe me i know how it is to want to be pregnant in a specific time frame, esp when dealing with loss). that is just asking for disappointment. i understand you have been through an unfortunate amount of trauma, but maybe you need to relook at your plans and take some time to get your head straight before you dive back into TTC. it's hard enough to be realistic, optimistic, and not an emotional mess without PTSD and all of the trauma that you went through. diving back in, just to get pregnant by your own mental time frame, may not be in your best interest.

i dont want to sound judging at all, if you feel that TTC is something you can handle obviously that is only something you and your DH can decide; but just based on the info provided, you might want to just take a step back and get your emotions in check; taking a month or two off to regather yourself sounds like a good plan.

Message edited 6/30/2012 9:47:27 AM.

Re: Taking it hard-Failed 1st attempt in TTC after Loss

I am so sorry & I couldn't imagine going through 3 losses
I will pray for you.
One of my favorite quotes is "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" It's true & I know this is a hard thing to do, but when you find yourself falling & drowing in sorrow, instead of allowing harsh annd hurtful thoughts into your head & emotions, try to use that energy to think & pray for stregnth, love, & hope. It's a very hard thing to do, especially in your darkest times, but if you practice this each day, it will help you get though your times of despair.
Also, try to do something nice for yourself, you deserve it. If you ever want to talk, feel free to FM me.

Message edited 7/17/2012 1:32:16 PM.