Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

I never formally said anything here, but the lif prayers worked and the job I was interviewing for a few weeks ago hired me. I signed the acceptance letter right before New Years. Next Monday I go from being a happy SAHM to a FTWM. I have been an absolute mess over it and I'm just having such a major meltdown.

I'm so sad I really truly feel like I can't handle my sadness at all. I believe people who tell me that it will get better but I just truly have no desire at all to go back. None. Even the money, which we need desperately, which will be more than I've ever made in my life, isn't even appealing despite rationally knowing how much we truly need it. Nothing is helping. As the day draws closer all I feel is immense dread and sadness and like I won't be able to handle it. I want to spend this week hugging DD tight and enjoying every minute but I already feel like the dread is overshadowing my ability to enjoy anything, like its consuming me. I realize some of my feelings are irrational; I've had PPD and PTSD and I know part of that is creeping back in and causing this to be so hard, but I'm really at a loss as far as what to do with myself and the negative energy.

I also feel like I sound like an ungrateful whiny brat. There are so many worse things that could happen. I didnt even find this job - it found me. in an economy where no one is getting jobs; Yet I can't at all get over this. It just feels so unnatural and forced and I'm really mad at the world. I'm so mad my dh doesn't make enough to keep me home, even though he never did and it was never the plan. I'm mad that I don't have much of a choice. I'm mad that I'm being so irrational and I'm mad at myself for being such a huge loser at life.

Help!!

Message edited 1/7/2013 1:27:50 AM.

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed. A lot of women do when they go back to work. You know deep down this is the right thing to do for you and your family and you just need to remember that. I tell DH all the time I'm not going to want to go back to work after maternity leave, but I make more than DH too and I know I have to do this. Once you get back into the groove of working everything will be okay.

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

Your feelings are normal. It was incredibly hard for me to go back to work, but once I was actually there, It was ok.
Good luck!!! you are going to be great!

Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

Your feelings are normal feelings. Sending lots of hugs.

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

I didn't have any PTSD/PPD and I had the same feelings to the point where I was physically ill. Cried on the way to and from work daily for the first month or so (went back when DS was 3 months). Felt like a horrible mother leaving my high needs DS with a stranger. I have to say it wasn't easy and some days are just as hard BUT my DS LOVES his daycare provider (small in home daycare). In fact I think he has way more "fun" there then he does with me lol. This makes it easier to leave him because at least I know he is getting a lot out of it. Time does help especially when you know they are OK (even if you aren't lol). Good luck, the anticipation is as bad or worse then the reality.

Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

Believe me my dd isn't even born yet and I already feel absolutely horrible that I have to go back to work. Always knew being a sahm wasn't possible for me but as her birth draws nearer I feel worse and worse.

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

I really want to reach through my computer and give you a big hug!!!
I’m so sorry you are feeling this way…And it’s totally & completely normal. The sadness, the anger – everything.

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

I've dealt with depression / anxiety and also PPD. I go back tomorrow as amatter a fact. A little earlier than originally planned because I ran out of sick and vacation time and I need the money as well. I have been upset about going back for a few days now. Sometimes I hug DD and cry a bit because I'm going to miss DD so much. She truly is the best thing I ever did. I work nights so I keep telling myself she will mostly be sleeping. And she will be in daycare 2 days a week in the mornings while I sleep. I need to work. I make more than DH but also I carry our insurance. But I also keep reminding myself that I can invest in her future and we will also have money for fun stuff like vacations. it's still hard. You definitely need to talk to supportive people. I know I can't talk to DH because he just says "you think I want to go to work" He just doesn't get it, but I guess I need to support his feelings too. Anyway feel free to FM me if you need to vent or talk because I'm right there with you.

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

Sara, I know how hard this is for you and how much you love being home with Em. I just want to give you a big hug right now.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it WILL get easier. I think that once you're actually engaged at work in the perfect job for you, you will start feeling better. Not all at once, and probably for short stretches at first, but it will get better. I truly think the anticipation about it is the worst part. There will always be moments of sadness, and resentment that you have to work (I totally hear you with the DH not making enough for you to afford to stay home), but if you like your job, it will make all the difference.

Feel free to FM me or FB message me to talk any time. I'll be thinking of you.

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

I'm sorry It is so hard leaving db for work. Maybe you can look at it as a temporary thing. Work and save until you decide to have another baby. I know it's hard not to be bitter

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

Your feelings are very normal- try not to beat yourself up about it. Change is never easy, esp after being with a LO for so long. Give yourself time to adjust to the new schedule and you may be surprised how good a new change of pace may be. You may love it, you may hate it- at least you are doing it and seeing how it will shape out. Good luck

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

Posted by Onemoretime
Work and save until you decide to have another baby. I know it's hard not to be bitter

Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

thanks everyone. i feel like such a whiny a b*tch about this. but it is just SO hard!! its like no matter what you plan in your head it's just something you dont understand until you have your baby and then have to leave them. it just feels soooo unnatural!!

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

Not whiney at all...I am sorry this is so hard for you

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time with this. Stay strong - it WILL get better.

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

You aren't whiny. These are all normal feelings! I was actually going to post something too because I've been a mess.

Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

thanks cause i really feel like im being very dramatic about it - and im like the least dramatic person I know.

does anyone feel like doomed? like it wont get better? i just cant imagine ever WANTING to go to work. like, ever. i used to be all about my job and career and now that i have a kid my perspective is like nothing else in the world matters as much as her and my family. i could literally give a sh*t about my career. if anything ive learned that companies are harsh and all they care about is money, not about you or your family or people. i believe this one will be a little different but im just so much more cynical now about it. i just don't care - and i'm so afraid that this attitude will transcend onto my job and make me a worse employee. i used to care so much about my career and my job and my place and now that ive been home i just know there are so many other things to care about besides work that it seems less worth it than ever to care...

sorry im going off on a tangent again i just have no one to really share these feeling with who understands. my DH is very compassionate but he's just too rational of a guy to comfort my irrational feelings sometimes!!

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

trust me I know exactly how you feel, it's normal. I had this when I went back after maternity leave. I also have this after summer break and school breaks. (I am a teacher) It rips my heart out to leave them, they are now 3 years old. I hate that I can't bring them to school or go on field trips. My one daughter gets anxiety Mon-Fri knowing that I have to go to work and we cry together.

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

Hey no shame in being upset, mad, sad about it. Its nerve wrecking to go back in general much less after being a SAHM. I can imagine to know what its like to be in your shoes right now.

But hey... vent away, get it all out. .. scream to the virtual mountains. Its good. This place alone (LIF) allows for safe venting. its what makes it special

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

All of those feelings are 100% NORMAL! I had them both ties I had to go back to work. It's anticipation that makes it worse. But after you go back to work the best part of your day will be when you see her and she gets that HUGE smile and runs to you. That will make it ALL worth it. I wish I could stay home too and some days wonder if we can even afford for to be working, but I have to, and there is no other option. I miss the boys like crazy. But there is no better feeling than when they all run over to the gate for hugs and kisses with huge smiles when I walk in the door. In the end we, as mommies, do what is best for our kids, even if it means leaving them. Good Luck. Hope you love the new job.

Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

Don't be sorry for how you feel. And you know what, it does totally suck that you have to go back to work. Just try and take it one day at a time.

I used to be all about my career as well but those kiddies change everything! When you're at work, give it your all but as soon as you leave, it will be all about your LO.

Lots of luck to you.

Re: Going back to work and overwhelming sadness

Do not feel whiny or upset about your feelings. I felt teh same way when ds was born. I thought it would be so easy to leave him, and i loved my job, but once he was here, no money in the world could get me to leave him. I knew i had to return and like others have said, i cried a lot in the beginning, and every now and again, i will get weepy leaving him, but i make themost of the time with him, and give him those extra hugs and kisses regularly and try to make it up on the weekends. You are a great mom, and dont let this be something you beat yourself up over for. lots of hugs your way..