What would you do?, this is long

Hi Ladies,

I have been on this website for a long time but do not post often. I have gotten some wonderful feedback when I do post and have another question.

I have an almost two year old daughter and me and my husband recently separated. She is of mixed raced. I am currently living with my mother in a neighborhood in queens where the school district is one of the worst in New York State. My mother provides me with alot of emotional support and is awesome with my daughter. I work part time and my daughter has a nanny when I am at work. This is my dilemna. Would you buy a house in a good school district that would be like 20 to 30 minutes from your mother or would you buy a house nearby your mother and send your child to private school?. I am thinking of sending her to Friends Academy, Portledge or the long island progressive school( we are closer to the short shore of long island. I worry about her being the only minority in the private school but she would be one of only a few minorities in the good school district as well. If you have gotten this far thanks for reading and any feedback you could give would be appreciated.

Re: What would you do?, this is long

Good school district a little further from mom.

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I wouldn't bank on private school so I would move. I would move anyway... One would think that the worst SD in NYS has to be in a pretty rough area. Take your mom with you.

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Thanks for your replies. My mum won't move. It is an ok neighborhood but the schools are overcrowded with low graduation rates. This is the Springfield gardens area

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Re: What would you do?, this is long

Re: What would you do?, this is long

I would move to a better area.

There are a lot of towns on long island that have very strong diversity numbers. I wouldn't assume that your daughter would be the only minority student. You can look into that when evaluating your options.

There are also a lot of towns that are pretty close to queens, you can make it back and forth in a short time, especially during the day/ non rush hour.

What about other parts of queens that might have a better school - I live in Forest Hills and the districts here are pretty good. Could this be a compromising option?

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Message edited 9/24/2013 9:05:46 PM.

What would you do?, this is long

I think I would lean more towards staying with (near) my family for now and trying out the private school. My mother lives very close and it is so great to be able to have that help.

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Private school... or see how she does in the public school (sometimes they have special programs).

Take the additional support by having mom there: it's priceless.

As for the mixed race issue, I think that a visit to the schools you are considering is important. I think it's less of an issue than it was when I was growing up (we are in a very good SD and have tons of mixed race kids).

What would you do?, this is long

I would stay around my family. My DS goes to the progressive school. Very happy there so far (we are pretty new to it). It is a diverse school. Feel free to FM me if you have any questions :)

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Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I am in the springfield gardens area and thus closer to the shouth shore of long island. Locust valley would be quite a commute. My sister attended one year of middle school in our district before going on to a specialized high school and had a horrible experience there. I guess this is part of my reason for not wanting my daughter in the district. My mom is an invaluable source of support for me and I love having the company in the house but I know I cant send my daughter to school in the district. I guess the issue is do I send her to a private school and live in a diverse neighborhood or go to a less diverse neighborhood and school.

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you could move to lynbrook with good schools and this is 5-6 miles from Springfield gardens...

i dont think that is far...no highway is even needed...

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You are right Lynbrook is not far. This is an option. I know I sound like a baby but it has been really awesome living with my mom and my sister again and this is why I am considering a private school.

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So I apologize for this being so long... My DH grew up in Springfield gardens, and he didn't want to go to the schools. He did excel, went to Martin van Buren, Hofstra, and scolorships to St. Johns Master Programs, so if you stay on the straight and narrow you can get through it... but He would never want our child to be raised in that school.

My DD is also of mixed race and totally understand what you are going through.

We were in Mineola, kinda of mixed town, but he lost his job, and I left my job (before he lost his to be a SAHM) We sold our place and moved back in with my mommy. My DH now works from 5am until 10PM at night 5 days a week... and then on weekends 5AM till 1PM.

I don't know if all the girls will understand what its like being a single mom and having a mixed child, I am not a single mom, I still have my DH but he is ALWAYS AT WORK so its like I am a single mom.

If I were in your position, I personally would stay with my mother, and send your child to a private school, no matter the drive. I am here now... and I love the relationship my mother and my daughter have, it is so much easier and less strain when you just might need to run to CVS for 5 mins... just the little things of them helping with dinner and stuff.

I understand the mixed race being and being a minority. My Daughter is mixed as I said and will be attending Garden City Schools, Primary 99.9% white... When I went there were only 2 black kids, and they were brother and sister. lol

She just started Nursery school and has said some things, but I chose a school that made sure they had diverse dolls, books, celebrated and talked about all holidays even chinese new year etc... lol I just wanted a real surrounding for her. If you teach your child to be strong I feel like they will be ok, I know it will be harder on them but if you are strong they will be strong.

I have 2 friends with Mixed kids in the GC Schools now, they are both single moms, 1 child is a straight A student, other is a little less, but they are both strong and I have never heard of any race issues... I am sure I would have heard it from their parents.

I don't know if all the other moms will understand being a single mom and having a child from a mixed race and making that decision.

Good Luck with your decision!

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Thank you all again for your replies. Carlie, your post put so eloquently what I am struggling with. I am considering garden city and rockville centre. I did not want to name the districts because I did not want to offend anybody by saying they are not diverse. They seem like wonderful districts but I just worry that she will feel left out being one of the few minorities in tone of these districts. If we go the private school route then at least she would come home to a more diverse neighborhood but I am concerned about the diversity in the private school. Sorry if this sounds rambling. You guys have been so helpful and it has been helpful to just put my thoughts out there and get feedback.

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Message edited 2/14/2013 1:09:07 PM.

What would you do?, this is long

As a single mom I think being close to your mom and family for support and help is very important so I vote private school and live near mom.

As far as the mixed race issue I think that you will find mixed children most places now a days. GC might be an exception to that but I wouldn't NOT send my child there bc of that. My nephew is mixed race and my brother and SIL live in an area that is almost all white and so is the elementary school, it is near their family and where my brother grew up.

What would you do?, this is long

I would stay with your mom - DH works nights, weekends and travels a lot and it's hard on me being alone some of those times - I can't imagine doing it completely on my own.

Your DD is 2 so you have some time to decide and see how things play out - things may change by the time she's school age.

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i always choose good neighborhood as my first priority - then a good school - whether it is the local school or a private school.

good luck