Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

I understand its my DH special day,but I also have a dad too which I'm very close to. So, before our kids we would spend time with each of our dads a half a day. I would go with him and he would go with me. Well, today he tells me he doesn't want to go see my dad for Father's Day, he just wants to spend time by himself at home. His parents recently moved to PA, so we can't see them anymore for Father's Day. I was upset leaving the house, but I said to himself maybe he needs some time by himself. But also thinking he is a dad why wouldn't he want to spend it with his DC. I was actually jealous driving to my parents house and seeing all the dads with their children. It made me sad he didn't want to be with our babies. Well, I walked into my parents without him and my dad asked where he was and I said he is not coming. My dad was extremely hurt and really disappointed. I felt so bad for him. He feels my DH has no respect for him. Now, I'm not talking to DH,because he hurt my dad. Am I wrong or overreacting. A few months ago I wrote a post about him being so selfish towards my mom and now this is just the icing on the cake. I don't want to be with someone like this.

Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

I would be upset too. My dad means the world to me and I would expect my DH to want to come with me. I know it is his fathers day too but at least go with you for a little bit. Sorry you are upset.

Re: Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

I sure don't like spending time with my in laws either, but I get off my butt and do it for sake of one family. DH does same for me. Our fathers day had 3 parts to it. Tiring, but great.

You need a conversation with your hubby.

Unless he was working overnight last night, you're not over reacting.

Re: Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

Maybe he is going thru some feelings that he hasn't discussed with you. I am sure you are hurt but don't be too mad. I would try to talk with him...tell him how you feel and ask him why he felt like it was better to be alone. Just as he may not understand how you feel without you telling him, you need to give him a chance to explain. You married this man for a reason....don't give up on him!!!

Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

Could it be that since his parents recently moved he was feeling down about not being able to see his own dad? So he figured "if I can't see my dad then I'm not seeing yours". But he should have communicated his feelings better. Especially since you said you have kids. Something is up. You need to calmly talk to him.

Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

i would be upset too. i would try to talk to him about how it made you feel going alone and how it made your dad feel.
granted he may have been feeling down, but it was still wrong of him to disrespect your dad like that.
i'm sorry that you had such a crappy day.

Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

I would be upset because my dad does so much to help DH and I in the home improvement department and he helps out by picking up DS at daycare 1-2x a week when DH and I are both in the city for work... so if all of a sudden DH was like "nope not going to see him for Father's Day" I would be annoyed.

Maybe this has to do with him not being able to see his own dad... I would try and approach that as a conversation and if that is the reason maybe cut him a little slack... if the reason is just that he didn't want to go then yeah, I would be annoyed. I get it that he is a dad but to me, Father's Day is a family holiday and you squeeze as many dad's into the mix as you can!!

Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

Besides the fact that it was hurtful that he didnt want to go with you to your dads but your dh didnt even want to spend time with you and his own kids???

That to me is even more hurtful than anything else and a ear sign something is going on. I think this is time to have a conversation and ask him what is going on.

Re: Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

unless this was planned out before and he wanted a day to himself then i would be mad too

Re: Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

If this is pattern kind of behavior, which is sounds from your post like it is, I think it's time for a serious discussion, and I know some would even recommend therapy.

You also mentioned not wanting to be with someone like this, which is a major red flag.

IMO, as a couple, when it comes to family stuff, there are many things that both have to just suck up and do.

Family visits are one of them, unless it's been well established beforehand that this is not the expectation.

Again this does not sound like it is the case in your marriage...........

Re: Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

I would be really upset too. Father's and Mother's day are about family not just your nuclear family but your entire family. Well that is how I feel about it anyways.

I think the hardest part is the fact that he didn't want to spend the day with his kids. After all Father's day is about being a parent.

Maybe he is upset over his parent's move but he is an adult and should be able to suck up a few hours for you, the kids and your dad.

I think you need to have a real conversation with him. Let him know how hurt you feel, how your dad feels and if this continues how your children will fell.

Message edited 6/17/2013 7:13:09 AM.

Re: Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

I would cut him some slack but I know I am not the norm with these types of things. I have a small family and we don't celebrate these types of days. A few weeks ago I asked my DH what he wanted to do and he told me that his ideal Father's Day would be a day alone with some piece and quiet. (Similar to what I know a lot of moms also want, Mani/pedi time or shopping alone on Mother's Day!). I'm sure you felt bad but if this is just a once in a while type of thing, try not to sweat it!!

Re: Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

Thank you all for your responses.
My DH is an only child and was never very close to his parents, so it really didn't bother him when they moved away. His mom has been in NY taking care of her dad for about 3 weeks and decided to leave for PA yesterday, so my father in law came to pick her up and take her back to PA. They didn't even stop by or ask us if we wanted to do brunch before they went back. It would of been nice to see my Father in Law too for Father's Day, but this was there choice and I can't force someone to be in our lives. Maybe he was hurt by that, but he should of told me and this has been happening a lot with him. Mother's Day was ruined, because he didn't want to see my sick mom
for Mother's Day. It seems like every holiday/occasion he goes into this mood. Well, my birthday is next week can't wait to see which mood he is going to be in.

Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

Your DH sounds like either he is a narcissist, or that he really just does not like being with your family. I'm sorry you have to deal with him, especially when you have toddler twins and are so tied down at home. I know all too well what it is like to be in your position. And the offer still stands for a play date if you want to come over have some iced coffees and DH bash... because I sure have a whole lot of bashing I can do about my DH too :O)

Re: Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

Sorry! I know how you feel; I went through a similar thing yesterday too. DH said for Father's Day all he wanted to do was "to be left along" He didn't want to hear his name. I said that I wanted to go visit my Dad. And it turned out my family ended up having Father's Day dinner. DH did not want to go. So around 4pm when DH was sleeping on the couch I took my son and went to see my Dad. Of course at 7 he calls me saying to come home he wants to spend the rest of his father's day with his son. He was mad when I got home that we were gone for so long. I left him sleep and didn't expect to be gone for almost 4 hours but I lost track of the time.

I say all that to say I understand how you feel. My DH isn't close with his family so we don't see eye to eye about things like this. He says our family is my main priority now. I feel like i'm constantly pulled in multiple directions trying to see my parents and have the time with my family I want. And yet still do things with my new family (husband & child) since he doesn't care to do it all together.

Hope you sit down and talk to him and work things out. Try to explain how important it is that he involves himself in time with extended family. That it's important to you that you're all together.

Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

I don't know...maybe I'm in the minority but how is this any different than a mother leaving her kids at home and going out on Mother's Day to a spa to get a mani/pedi, massage, haircut, etc. I see this all the time and it never seems to be frowned upon for mom to "get a break". In fact, people will usually applaud their DH for giving them such a great gift!!

My DH works FT (long hours) in addition to stuff around the house and with our DD--so if he wanted a break to hang out at home alone on Father's Day I'd be more than happy to go out for the day. Sometimes Dads need a break too!

I don't think your parents should take it personally. It is your DH's day too and he should be able to spend it as he wishes.

Re: Disappointed with Father's Day and I'm not even a dad...

We had a similar day yesterday. My DH made plans to go to the movies with his Dad. So I got up in the morning so he could sleep in. He got about 10 handmade pictures from the kids, and then I took the kids to Monkey Joes while he went and got his Dad a gift and to the movies. When he got home he took the boys swimming for an hour while I laid down. then he complained that no one appreciated him and he had a shi!!y Fathers Day. I said-that would have been a great day for me!