Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

My baby is a little over 9 weeks old. My husband shows this baby almost no attention. He will help when I ask but if I don't he will go days without any real interaction.

I have seen him with other people's children before we had ours and always thought he was so good with kids - he will be a great dad. That clearly isn't happening.

I am so disappointed and angry with him.

Perhaps when the baby is a bit older and can interact more it will be different but I am so frustrated.

Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

It will happen...just give it time. Dh was like that with ds and niw ypu can't seperate them! He was like that with dd too up until a few weeks ago and now it is better. I think little babies are just intimidating to some men. I totally understand your frustration but IMO time will change it.

Re: Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

Posted by ny55angel

It will happen...just give it time. Dh was like that with ds and niw ypu can't seperate them! He was like that with dd too up until a few weeks ago and now it is better. I think little babies are just intimidating to some men. I totally understand your frustration but IMO time will change it.

Re: Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

Posted by cj7305

Posted by ny55angel

It will happen...just give it time. Dh was like that with ds and niw ypu can't seperate them! He was like that with dd too up until a few weeks ago and now it is better. I think little babies are just intimidating to some men. I totally understand your frustration but IMO time will change it.

ITA. I could have and probably did write your post when ds was born. I had the same feelings of anger and disappointment. Luckily ( like many told me) once ds was able to interact etc. I finally saw dh be the daddy I always thought he'd be. Hang in there!

Message edited 7/3/2013 9:15:29 PM.

Re: Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

my father doesnt do well with babies at all. he never wanted to hold jack. now that jack is 3.5 he's a lot better.

could be that he's just uncomfortable, unsure of himself, unsure of the baby, etc.

i'd give it some time and maybe coach him along.

Re: Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

Can I ask what you have been doing to promote more interaction? My dh wasn't interacting as much as I wanted in the beginning and I found that giving him tasks worked best. I put him on diaper duty and he would end up talking to the baby and kissing him. My dh was tired from working all day, but tasks promoted interaction.

Re: Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

One thing DH struggled with was feeling like he didn't know what to do or wasn't doing things right. I found it best to help him once and then stay out of it and make sure I wasn't criticizing. He grew more confident really quickly and I think that helped his interactions more. Agree with other posters - give him assignments if he isn't taking it up himself. Go out of the house for an hour or two and leave him with the baby, etc.

Maybe he just realized I didn't know what the heck I was doing either.

Also, can you try talking about it with DH? Maybe he doesn't realize how you are feeling and it's not good to let it build.

Re: Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

It will happen. My dh is definitely not comfortable with newborns. But he is an amazing dad! I remember being upset with him with my ds because I felt like I was doing everything but as he got older he was an amazing father. Now I have dd (10 weeks) and he's better but most of the baby responsibilities are on me but im more okay with it this time around because I know that he is a million times better as they get older. I swear he just doesn't really know what to do with a newborn

Re: Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

Have you told him how you feel?

Re: Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

I feel like so many of us have felt the same way, myself included.

Here's what people told me - you've been a mom for 9 months already, he's only been a Dad since the baby was born. It's just so different for men. Maternal instinct isn't a made up thing, and it's something that men just don't have.

This doesn't mean he isn't going to be an amazing father. And it's ok to be angry, and feel like you're doing everything, just try not to take it out on him. (easier said than done, I know!)

Newborns are tough - you'll all get through this and it will be so much better! Hang in there, Mama.

Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

It will happen. A new baby (FTP) is an adjustment for everyone, and he probably feels like if he does something he is not doing it right. I would put him on diaper duty, or even you run to the salon for a mani/pedi so he can have that alone time with baby.

Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

My DH is similar
I have a 4 yo and 12 wk oldand it's been tough Now he's much better He's intimidated by little ones I ve had to lead the way in how to interact with them

Re: Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

I think the other women have given great advice. It will happen! DH was a bit distant in the beginning because he was scared to hurt DS or do something wrong. After I left DH home a few hours with DS it all started to change, and has even slowly gotten better since then. I think men need more time to adjust. We had 9 months to bond with our babies before they even arrived and then are basically thrown into being home alone with the baby all day. But then men do come around in time. You can help it along, too. Go get yourself a mani/pedi and leave your husband home for a few hours with the baby.

Re: Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

Interacting with a needy newborn is very different than interacting with an interactive kid. Not everyone does babies... You'll see!!!!

Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

I agree with pp.... sometimes tiredness from work could create zoning out... tasks are a great way to keep connected...maybe he's worried baby is fragile now for head support.

Disappointed in my husband and his interaction with baby

My DH was terrified of DS when he was an infant. He'd never really been around a baby until our son was born. There were days I remember telling him he needed to hold his son, because he simply wouldn't do it otherwise.

Now he and DS are inseparable when they're together. It's like I don't even exist when DH is around. For him it took a few weeks to know that DS wasn't that fragile, lol. I did give him tasks in the beginning, and I would pump so he could feed the baby at least once a day. So it will get better, just like everyone else said!