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Jesses-Girl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/09 568 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Hi All,
I don't post often but I need advice on how to handle 3yr old DS when he runs away from me, DH & especially his teachers in preschool.
He's always thought it was funny or a game to run away from time to time and we've always told him sternly how dangerous it is, how he could get hit by a car, etc. When that didn't work, I even gave him a slap on the tush, which is something I never do. He still thought it was funny. When I threaten a time out in his chair, he smiles and sits there like it's fun.
He started school a couple of months ago and the teachers have been telling me he doesn't listen to them, and has run into the parking lot several times from the door to the playground. There are 3 teachers and about 12 kids in his class. Today the teacher closeest to him was wearing clogs and it was hard for her to catch him. The park is next to a busy parking lot with parents picking up the kids and i shudder to think about what could happen
I've been taking away the ipad for the day every time he does this. I also tried taking away his sippy cups of milk which he still loves. Today, I took away the ipad and tv and told him he gets no special privledges like cookies or snacks that he likes. We are supposed to attend a friends Halloween party playdate this afternoon. Do I cancel that too? I feel bad on short notice.
He understands why its bad, bc when I asked him in front of the teacher why he shouldn't run he said, "bc i could get hit by a car". Im just not sure he understands the gravity of how bad that is. I've told him that the dr cant fix it if the boo boo is bad enough. Today I even broke down crying in front of him and told him that it scares and hurts mommy when he does that. That he could never see us again if he got hit by a car. I think it got through to him bc he stared at me sadly instead of laughing or smiling. He's been coming up to me for the last hour randomly to tell me he'll "be a good boy" but he's promised that before.
The teacher told me today that if this continues, they may have to put a harness on him when walking outside.
Please tell me what worked for your children. I'm at a loss right now on what do to.
Message edited 10/21/2013 12:57:39 PM.
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Posted 10/21/13 12:56 PM  |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Toddlers who like to
I would let them put a harness on him. Better safe than sorry. I'm actually surprised that they have to walk through the parking lot to get to the playground though.
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| Posted 10/21/13 1:12 PM |
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Jesses-Girl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/09 568 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Posted by BargainMama
I would let them put a harness on him. Better safe than sorry. I'm actually surprised that they have to walk through the parking lot to get to the playground though.
I agree. If it comes down to it, I told them better safe than sorry. The school is attached to a church and next to the playground. They only walk through a small part of the lot but he likes to make a run for it unfortunately.
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| Posted 10/21/13 1:19 PM |
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adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
I'm sorry you are going through this I know the fear. I have 4 year old just understanding the dangers of running away. I've been warning him that if he runs off he's going to dit in the stroller or will take away one of his favorite toys usually something that he's holding at the moment, also short timeouts and I will actually leave wherever I am with him or threaten to leave. thing is you must follow through. That's what I do at home and it will work most of the time. At school they are very familiar with runners. My son has a developmental disorder and is in a special Ed preschool. They tell me that he will either hold a teachers hand or be in the middle of the line so that one of the three teachers will catch before he decides to run off. It's been getting better. At 2 I needed to tell the teacher to watch out for the open windows because he would climb out of them!
I wouldn't mind the harness but why wouldn't simple hand holding work until they are inside the playground area? Is it not enclosed? If not that would freak me out, I would want a one on one with him100% of the time.
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| Posted 10/21/13 1:29 PM |
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Jesses-Girl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/09 568 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Posted by adeline27
I'm sorry you are going through this I know the fear. I have 4 year old just understanding the dangers of running away. I've been warning him that if he runs off he's going to dit in the stroller or will take away one of his favorite toys usually something that he's holding at the moment, also short timeouts and I will actually leave wherever I am with him or threaten to leave. thing is you must follow through. That's what I do at home and it will work most of the time. At school they are very familiar with runners. My son has a developmental disorder and is in a special Ed preschool. They tell me that he will either hold a teachers hand or be in the middle of the line so that one of the three teachers will catch before he decides to run off. It's been getting better. At 2 I needed to tell the teacher to watch out for the open windows because he would climb out of them!
I wouldn't mind the harness but why wouldn't simple hand holding work until they are inside the playground area? Is it not enclosed? If not that would freak me out, I would want a one on one with him100% of the time.
Thanks for the feedback. He is not even 3 yet, turns 3 in November. I don't think he understands how serious it is. I try to follow through but it doesn't always work. If the consequence doesn't happen immediately, I'm not sure that he correlates the punishment with what he did. I repeat it throughout the day every time he asks for the ipad, cookie, etc.
The teacher said that its hard with so many kids to remember who runs sometimes. She did say from now on they will make it a point for one of them to hold his hand.
The playground is enclosed but its the walk to and from thats a problem. The other day he ran out while the door was ajar bc they were ushering all the kids in.
Message edited 10/21/2013 1:39:07 PM.
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| Posted 10/21/13 1:37 PM |
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HappyWife515
LIF Toddler
Member since 7/09 406 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Whenever my son did that while we were out somewhere I'd just pick him and we leave. No matter what. It didn't take him too long to stop. My son also needed an immediate reaction.
It's scary but they will get it just be persistent and always follow through.
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| Posted 10/21/13 2:34 PM |
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cds58019
The loves of my life :)
Member since 6/08 4276 total posts
Name:
Candice
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
The one thing that sticks out to me is that the teacher actually told you that a teacher couldn't run after him because of her shoes. Im sorry but if you can't move fast in your shoes and knowing you work with small kids then dont wear them to work. And if you do wear them and find yourself in that situation you damn well better kick those things off and go running barefoot after the kid if that's what it takes. Sorry but that excuse bothered me.
As for your son, I think the harness thing might work. He wont like it and will be mad about it but that might be what he needs to realize that he can't run away.
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| Posted 10/21/13 2:38 PM |
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BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Oh no Kris!! I'm sorry you are dealing with this 
Can one of the teachers hold his hand while they cross the lot? I don't know how well holding another child's hand would work - easier for him to break free from.
I also understand how not being able to take away privileges or treats when he actually does the running may not work.
However, I would keep at it regardless. When he gets home from school, tell him all his trains or trucks are in time out because he didn't listen to his teacher about running away.
I find with J - that taking away toys rather then telling him he can't have an ice or candy is more effective. If he isn't in the mood for the treat it makes no difference to him if I'm not letting him have it today. Not being able to play with his trucks for a period of time or his trains - then we're getting somewhere.
If you have to have the teacher put the harness on - let her. Maybe realizing just exactly what the harness is for will make him understand why he can't run. He may not like being on it - it may take just one time of putting it on him to make him realize this harness business is NOT fun.
Hang in there...call me if you need to talk
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| Posted 10/21/13 2:40 PM |
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Toddlers who like to
That teacher should be wearing shoes that enable her to run after toddlers, how irresponsible of her!
My DS likes to run off when he sees something he wants or just because. It is scary to think that they could be hurt, god forbid. Maybe putting him in a harness will help him to really grasp not running off.
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| Posted 10/21/13 8:45 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
Name:
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Have you tried positive over negative reinforcement? Does he respond to positive rewards? What about having the teacher or you (when it happens with you) first remind him that he has to walk nicely and safely. If he does he can get a star or sticker. After a certain amount of stickers he can earn a reward (a lollipop, ipad time etc). Would he want to earn a reward? Sometimes positive works better than the negative (taking this away). My older DD was a runner and giggler. I think she didn't get the seriousness of it. She out grew it. Until then when she was much younger she was put in the stroller or had to hold a hand even if she didn't want to.
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| Posted 10/21/13 9:47 PM |
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Beck
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 1334 total posts
Name:
still can't believe it's mommy
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
When DD starts to run I tell her we're playing the freeze game. I let her run & I yell freeze, it usually works.
I know it's a serious thing & a game isn't going to solve the issue but maybe there's some way it could help a little.
Maybe try telling him that he's such a good, fast runner (you know that positive reinforcement stuff ) so after school you're going to play the game with him & he can run as much as he wants but when it comes to school he has to listen to the teachers & not look to run away. He can have plenty of running time just not when it's dangerous.
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| Posted 10/21/13 10:33 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Posted by WantBabyNoTwo
That teacher should be wearing shoes that enable her to run after toddlers, how irresponsible of her!
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But not all teachers (or people) can run regardless. So there is a bigger issue if he is running, than someone wearing the wrong shoes. And many people could easily be outrun by a child.
I say go for the harness. Safety is priority.
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| Posted 10/21/13 10:41 PM |
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Jesses-Girl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/09 568 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Posted by WantBabyNoTwo
That teacher should be wearing shoes that enable her to run after toddlers, how irresponsible of her!
My DS likes to run off when he sees something he wants or just because. It is scary to think that they could be hurt, god forbid. Maybe putting him in a harness will help him to really grasp not running off.
I completely agree. If you can't run after a toddler then you shouldn't be a preschool teacher. It's part of the job IMO. Plus, why was she wearing slip on clogs with heels? To teach preschool. The more I think about it, the more it enrages me. I called the director and she told me they will implement a plan where he has to hold their hands when walking to the playground. The fact that this is the third time they've told me he's tried to run means they put my child's life at risk twice AFTER knowing better. I also wrote that he does it on a form when he entered school and she said they " haven't had time to read all of them yet". It's the end of October. The more I think about it, the more I think thant I should look at other schools.
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| Posted 10/21/13 10:56 PM |
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Jesses-Girl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/09 568 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Posted by Lillykat
Have you tried positive over negative reinforcement? Does he respond to positive rewards? What about having the teacher or you (when it happens with you) first remind him that he has to walk nicely and safely. If he does he can get a star or sticker. After a certain amount of stickers he can earn a reward (a lollipop, ipad time etc). Would he want to earn a reward? Sometimes positive works better than the negative (taking this away). My older DD was a runner and giggler. I think she didn't get the seriousness of it. She out grew it. Until then when she was much younger she was put in the stroller or had to hold a hand even if she didn't want to.
Thanks for the suggestion. I've tried incentives too. He gets a special toy when he listens at school for a whole week. I tried stickers on the calendar too. Unfortunately, I think its just one of those things he might have to outgrow.
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| Posted 10/21/13 10:58 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Posted by Jesses-Girl
Posted by WantBabyNoTwo
That teacher should be wearing shoes that enable her to run after toddlers, how irresponsible of her!
My DS likes to run off when he sees something he wants or just because. It is scary to think that they could be hurt, god forbid. Maybe putting him in a harness will help him to really grasp not running off.
I completely agree. If you can't run after a toddler then you shouldn't be a preschool teacher. It's part of the job IMO. Plus, why was she wearing slip on clogs with heels? To teach preschool. The more I think about it, the more it enrages me. I called the director and she told me they will implement a plan where he has to hold their hands when walking to the playground. The fact that this is the third time they've told me he's tried to run means they put my child's life at risk twice AFTER knowing better. I also wrote that he does it on a form when he entered school and she said they " haven't had time to read all of them yet". It's the end of October. The more I think about it, the more I think thant I should look at other schools.
I don't mean to upset you but I disagree. There is no physical test required to teach. Even people with physical disabilities can teach. Not everyone, shoes or sneakers, can run or can outrun a child. I think there are bigger issues than the shoes the teacher is wearing. Even if she wore sneakers, you cannot be assured she will catch your child.
Aside from that, I agree with you about them taking too many chances and they should be holding his hand for sure.
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| Posted 10/21/13 10:59 PM |
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Jesses-Girl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/09 568 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Posted by Goobster
Posted by Jesses-Girl
Posted by WantBabyNoTwo
That teacher should be wearing shoes that enable her to run after toddlers, how irresponsible of her!
My DS likes to run off when he sees something he wants or just because. It is scary to think that they could be hurt, god forbid. Maybe putting him in a harness will help him to really grasp not running off.
I completely agree. If you can't run after a toddler then you shouldn't be a preschool teacher. It's part of the job IMO. Plus, why was she wearing slip on clogs with heels? To teach preschool. The more I think about it, the more it enrages me. I called the director and she told me they will implement a plan where he has to hold their hands when walking to the playground. The fact that this is the third time they've told me he's tried to run means they put my child's life at risk twice AFTER knowing better. I also wrote that he does it on a form when he entered school and she said they " haven't had time to read all of them yet". It's the end of October. The more I think about it, the more I think thant I should look at other schools.
I don't mean to upset you but I disagree. There is no physical test required to teach. Even people with physical disabilities can teach. Not everyone, shoes or sneakers, can run or can outrun a child. I think there are bigger issues than the shoes the teacher is wearing. Even if she wore sneakers, you cannot be assured she will catch your child.
Aside from that, I agree with you about them taking too many chances and they should be holding his hand for sure.
I didn't say to be a teacher. I said to be a preschool teacher. You keep mentioning a "bigger isssue" but I know plenty of toddlers who go through a stage where they think it's funny to run. My mom is a second grade teacher and they aren't allowed to wear flip flops in case they have to run in an emergency. There is a physical element to caring for toddlers, whether it be picking them up when they cry or chasing them on a playground.
I think the bigger problem is his teacher giving me four excuses as to why his hand wasn't held instead of apologizing for this huge mistake.
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| Posted 10/22/13 9:14 AM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
as soon as I read this, I knew the clogs thing would take over 
go with the harness. safety first. unfortunately, even with sneakers, a teacher may not be able to catch the child. kids are FAST and dart all over the place.
Message edited 10/22/2013 9:20:02 AM.
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| Posted 10/22/13 9:19 AM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
to me, this is a case of the blame game. your kid darted away - you say THEY should have held his hand and THEY should wear better shoes. it's not quite that simple.
There are how many kids in the class? How many teachers? They don't have a hand for every single child. They can't possibly have eyes on every single child.
The harness is the best solution. Its a crappy situation that they have to walk through a parking lot but it is what it is so do what is best for everyone and have them put the harness on him. Playing the blame game (and focusing on the shoes) will benefit no one.
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| Posted 10/22/13 9:24 AM |
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Jesses-Girl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/09 568 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Posted by maymama
to me, this is a case of the blame game. your kid darted away - you say THEY should have held his hand and THEY should wear better shoes. it's not quite that simple.
There are how many kids in the class? How many teachers? They don't have a hand for every single child. They can't possibly have eyes on every single child.
The harness is the best solution. Its a crappy situation that they have to walk through a parking lot but it is what it is so do what is best for everyone and have them put the harness on him. Playing the blame game (and focusing on the shoes) will benefit no one.
I disagree with you and I think you'd feel differently if it was your child. I've heard from other parents who sent their child to this school that his teacher is lazy & burnt out. There is NO EXCUSE for not holding his hand the second and third time. The director completely agreed with me. Four excuses from the teacher for something they didn't do is not acceptable.
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| Posted 10/22/13 9:29 AM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Posted by Jesses-Girl
Posted by maymama
to me, this is a case of the blame game. your kid darted away - you say THEY should have held his hand and THEY should wear better shoes. it's not quite that simple.
There are how many kids in the class? How many teachers? They don't have a hand for every single child. They can't possibly have eyes on every single child.
The harness is the best solution. Its a crappy situation that they have to walk through a parking lot but it is what it is so do what is best for everyone and have them put the harness on him. Playing the blame game (and focusing on the shoes) will benefit no one.
I disagree with you and I think you'd feel differently if it was your child. I've heard from other parents who sent their child to this school that his teacher is lazy & burnt out. There is NO EXCUSE for not holding his hand the second and third time. The director completely agreed with me. Four excuses from the teacher for something they didn't do is not acceptable.
if it were my kid  after the second time - my kid is in a harness. There would be no third or fourth time. I would take control of the situation and ensure his safety if I cannot ensure they would.
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| Posted 10/22/13 9:31 AM |
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Jesses-Girl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/09 568 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
The director gave me several thing they can and will do aside from a harness.
There are 12 kids and 3 teachers. Not all of the kids run off and she can put him toward the front of the line so all three teachers are in view and one of them will always hold his hand until he outgrows this stage.
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| Posted 10/22/13 9:35 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
First, I started by not letting my kid run without us: It's hard for them to distinguish when running is Ok and when it's not.
At 3... we started saying running is OK ONLY on grass. NOT on any type of hard surface, which we call the "road". On sidewalks, driveways and cement lots, DS MUST hold a hand, or he is picked up and not allowed to walk. If he does, we go home.
At school, they have a gate that sections off the parking lot & Ds is walked to the parking lot by a teacher when need be.
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| Posted 10/22/13 9:43 AM |
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Toddlers who like to
Bottom line is the school is responsible for her child's safety. They should've started holding his hand after the FIRST incident. The teachers/school is at fault here, not the 3 year old.
Since his teachers aren't capable of hand holding or wearing work appropriate shoes, Id switch or use the harness.
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| Posted 10/22/13 9:50 AM |
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ThreeforTea
Girls just want to have fun..
Member since 5/12 7482 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Posted by WantBabyNoTwo
Bottom line is the school is responsible for her child's safety. They should've started holding his hand after the FIRST incident. The teachers/school is at fault here, not the 3 year old.
Since his teachers aren't capable of hand holding or wearing work appropriate shoes, Id switch or use the harness.
I agree with this!
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| Posted 10/22/13 10:02 AM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Toddlers who like to "Run Away"
Posted by Jesses-Girl
You keep mentioning a "bigger isssue" but I know plenty of toddlers who go through a stage where they think it's funny to run. My mom is a second grade teacher and they aren't allowed to wear flip flops in case they have to run in an emergency. There is a physical element to caring for toddlers, whether it be picking them up when they cry or chasing them on a playground.
I think the bigger problem is his teacher giving me four excuses as to why his hand wasn't held instead of apologizing for this huge mistake.
When I say bigger issue, I mean the issue that they are not keeping him safe by holding his hand, or the distance/route they have to travel to the playground. That if those are the larger issues and he isn't wearing a harness, then maybe that isn't the safest place for your son. I didn't mean bigger issue that your child is a runner.
Message edited 10/22/2013 11:48:49 AM.
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| Posted 10/22/13 11:44 AM |
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