new here/NICU baby

Hi Ladies
I am new to LI and also new to this website. My family moved here this summer and we just had our daughter, Ava, born 9 weeks early (I was pre-eclamptic). She is still in the NICU at Stonybrook. My older son Jack is almost 2 and this has been so hard on him with mommy and daddy going to the hospital every day. We moved to LI to be closer to my husband's family, but they haven't been helping much since we had the baby... I'm feeling kind of frustrated!

anyone else have a NICU baby and have to do all this on your own?

TIA (thanks in advance?? I'm still learning the lingo - been reading for days but didn't have the guts to post)

Thanks
M

Re: new here/NICU baby

No advice on a NICU baby but welcome! Hope the baby is doing well.

Re: new here/NICU baby

I had a NICU baby but he is our only child so we didn't have to care for another. I can only imagine how hard that must be because it was hard just being at the hospital all day. Good luck and congratulations on your new baby!!!

Re: new here/NICU baby

Re: new here/NICU baby

Congratulations! I had a NICU baby as well but she was my 1st so I was not caring for any other children. DD was born 7 weeks early. It was definitely a tough time (I can't imagine with another LO at home). Going back and forth multiple times a day to see her, feed her, and to bring pumped milk. Also, the hospital was not close to our home so I ended up staying at my mom's since she lived closer. Once the baby was released from the NICU we had to stay a few more weeks at my mom's because we were doing some renovations at home and they weren't completed. During this time DH was at home mostly because he was doing a lot of the work in the house so I was kind of on my own. It was definitely a stressful time. To me, having a NICU baby is like an emotional rollercoaster. There are ups and downs but you know they are in the best place, getting great care until they are big and strong enough to go home. Hope your baby is home soon. Hang in there!

Re: new here/NICU baby

I also had preeclampsia & DS was born 15 weeks early. We did it on our own with very little practical support because we've moved OOS and our family is back on the island, but he's our first so we weren't juggling time between the NICU and another DC.

Don't be afraid to just ask for what you need. We had to do it with our friends. Your family members may not realize how they can or should be helping you, because no one really understands if they haven't been through it. If you really need someone to watch your older child or pick up dinner for you or whatever, just flat out tell them what you need (or have your husband do it!) & ask them to help. They may surprise you.

Best wishes to your family. I know it seems impossible now but someday the NICU stay will all be a distant memory.

Re: new here/NICU baby

DD2 was in the NICU (DD1 is 4) for 2 weeks. It was hard going back and forth several times a day even WITH help, so I can imagine how hard it is without help.

Have you asked for help? Can you arrange times/days with his fam when you'll need them? My in-laws, SIL/BIL are always willing to help, like you, my family lives far away so my husband's family is the only fam we have here.

Re: new here/NICU baby

I had a NICU baby 8 weeks early & had a 10.5 month old at home. It was extremely exhausting & mentally draining. My mom thankfully came & stayed with us until.a month after my son came home.

Since no one is helping, I would voice my opinion to either hubby or his family direct. You need that time at the hospital but you need to know your son is being cared for

Re: new here/NICU baby

HUGS!!

I had pre-e and my baby was born 8 weeks early - but she is our first - I can't even imagine having another at that time. Hang in there!! It gets easier! They let us bring her home when she was 4 lbs 6 oz after 19 days in the NICU. Not having to drive back and forth helped a lot and the more I recovered, the better it got. My baby came home three days before Christmas but we didn't have visitors or go out for many weeks - until she gained some weight. The pros were that my daughter adapted extremely well to a schedule after being in the NICU and noise doesn't seem to bother her at all - sleeps through it like a champ, still. Time will help.

Re: new here/NICU baby

I had 2 NICU babies at Stony Brook. DS1 was there for 16 days, and DS2 was there for 94 days. He was there this year, from March-June. If you ever need anything advice wise related to their NICU, FM me any time. After a 3 month stay, we felt like medical professionals. I can tell you that your DD is in good hands. The nurses and docs are amazing.

It was really hard to juggle DS at home, while feeling like I was present at the hospital too, and we had a lot of support. If I were you, I might just speak up. Let them know that you need help.

new here/NICU baby

thanks all for the responses. I think I will have DH talk to his parents about a little help... lol. It would be nice if both of us could come to the NICU to visit at the same time!

Re: new here/NICU baby

Sending you tons of hugs!! I had a NICU baby born 6 weeks early and it was extremely tough. I didn't have another one at home so I cant imagine what that is like. Definitely ask for help you need it. My DS is almost 2 and I will never forget that month we spent in the NICU. We did have family support which you need. Good luck.

Re: new here/NICU baby

Welcome. I completely understand where you are coming from. I had a NICU baby. But we were still living with my parents at the time as we were completing work on our house. Plus DS was my first so we didn't have the added stress of another child. Just take it one day at a time. My DS was also 9 weeks early. He was in the NICU for more than two months and it was very stressful on all of us. You may have to come out and ask for more help from your in-laws. I know may people didn't know what to do when my DS was born. You have to just flat out ask for help. Good luck and your daughter will be home before you know it!