Finding out and regret it... family wants to know... WWYD?

Hello ladies,

Well, I'm a FTM and caved and found out the sex. DH is fine with it, I'm sadly disappointed and hope that I feel better about it soon. I'm over 40 and this will probably be our only child... These hormones are killing me and I'm so emotional ALL THE TIME...

Well, DH let it slip to his family that we know the sex and they are all LOUDLY clamoring to find out. His brother is coming in from out of town and for some reason they all told him we were doing a gender reveal for Hanukkah... I do NOT want to share the news, but his family will NOT let it go... and I will be berated and teased and hounded until I do... and I know I won't be able to handle it with all of these freakin hormones.

I just don't want to share right now, and don't want to deal with any of it. I don't even want to go to dinner anymore... I want to stay home and be alone. I'm sure they will all be excited but I'M NOT, and I don't want to look like a horrible person for being blah about the whole thing. I already feel like a horrible person for being disappointed and a terrible mother.

Would you just suck it up and tell them to shut them up? I originally wanted to do a cute gender reveal thing at some point, but just not yet... BIL only comes up once a year and would miss it, though he isn't close with DH at all... I don't just want to blurt out the sex with no fanfare either... was looking forward to something cute... but when I AM READY and not before. I don't know what to do.

Finding out and regret it... family wants to know... WWYD?

I would suck it up and tell. But I'm personally not into fanfare surrounding a gender reveal. My reasoning is that I hardly care what sex other people's babies are, so I'd feel stupid building up my own.

Finding out and regret it... family wants to know... WWYD?

Have your DH tell his family to BACK OFF before you meet his family for the holiday dinner. You should not feel pressured to share the baby's gender if you are not ready to do so. That said you need to give your self a break- you are not a bad person or a bad mother for being disappointed about the baby's gender. We have expectation about our life experiences and when things turn out differently we need time to adjust.

ETA: if you decide to share the news there is no need for fanfare-- gender reveal parties are a recent trend. Personally, I just told everyone the gender the next time I talked to them following my anatomy scan.

Message edited 11/27/2013 5:00:16 PM.

Re: Finding out and regret it... family wants to know... WWYD?

I would let DH tell them all ASAP, before dinner, that way it's old news by the time you get there.

I've found out twice now, and I always think people should find out and then share the news. Knowing ahead of time is good bc you can plan, shop, register for pink or blue instead of green or yellow, etc.

I'm sorry that you're feeling disappointed, but it will pass and you'll be thrilled by the idea of whatever you're having by the time you deliver.

Re: Finding out and regret it... family wants to know... WWYD?

I would tell them. I think wallowing will not help your disasppointment but having it out in the open will help you feel better, help you see the bright side!

Re: Finding out and regret it... family wants to know... WWYD?

I wouldn't tell until I was good and ready. No one can fault you for that. Just say you plan to tell family in a cute, fun way, so if they can wait, great, if not, then that's their problem.

Finding out and regret it... family wants to know... WWYD?

I would wait to tell until you are ready. This is your news and your baby - share the gender or don't, no one should make you uncomfortable or feel forced to share the info

Re: Finding out and regret it... family wants to know... WWYD?

Don't tell if you aren't ready to.

HOWEVER, I think that sharing the news will help you to get more excited. And even doing a small, simple gender reveal - like just writing the gender on a card and letting someone open the envelope - will be fun. Get yourself excited for the baby instead of wallowing in your sadness. Honestly? The baby is healthy and you should be thankful and excited for that.

Finding out and regret it... family wants to know... WWYD?

Not sure why u have to tell anyone unless u feel comfortable with it. Its ur uterus for G-d's sake. U are totally entitled to say "please dont ask anymore, I plan on revealing at a later time". If they do not stop asking, tell ur DH to have them back off. U def shldnt be under any pressure for anything no matter what it is.

as for feeling guilty abt not being happy abt the gender, sounds like it is a severe case of hormones. I start tearing up when ppl say I love u to each other on stupid soap operas. Seriously give urself a break. Just concentrate on feeling more relaxed outside of being pregnant, after all if u dont take care of ureself u are not taking care of ur baby.
Once the baby is born and u went thru labor it will not matter who or what it is.

Re: Finding out and regret it... family wants to know... WWYD?

Congrats. I too was a just over 40 ftm. It's your right to be upset but I am sure everyone is over the moon you are pregnant and knowing what it is going to be is exciting for those family members as I see it. So if it was me I would give them that but hold off on the name until love is born. Keep that for you. We found out both times but torture everyone with names all of which are NOT the names we picked. It's fun to watch what they have to say Then we surprise them when baby is born

Finding out and regret it... family wants to know... WWYD?

I have to be honest my DH and I were really hoping for a boy but found out we were having a girl. I've gotten over it now that I'm shopping for her and picking out stuff for her nursery. DH is still a little disappointed although he wont admit it...anyways....we did a gender reveal basically had our parents over for dessert and I had baked a pink cake. It was nice sharing that with them and it definitely made me a little more excited about having a girl. But I agree that you should tell them when you are ready and if they can't respect ur wishes then tell your husband to have them shut it.