From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

I have three under three (there are multiples involved- I may or may not have had all 3 at the same time and we recently decided to go for a fourth. Yes, we are crazy. The thing is, I am 35. Part of me thinks, go for it now, while still in baby/diapers/no life and /or freedom mode. The other part thinks enjoy these three and go for it in a few years, but then it might not happen - my husband has male factor infertility and while i am in good shape now i may not be later. What do you think? Would three 3 year olds and a baby be crazy?

I'm afraid if I wait till they are three to conceive (which recent posts suggest is a TERRIbLe age!) I will get gun shy and never go for it. All of mine are boys and I think boys are awesome and I wouldn't be disappointed with a fourth BUT a girl would be nice! I figure if I go for the fourth and it's another boy, then hey I tried! A little girl was not meant to be. I am just afraid of waking up one day when my boys are Tweens and hate me, and thinking, I had it in me to do this one more time, and I missed my chance.

What can I say? The heart wants what it wants :(

From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

If you can afford it and Dh and you are in agreement go for it. I give you tons of credit.

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

DH's cousin has 4 under 4 - all boys (one set twins). DH and I think she's insane, lol, but she's thrilled. She's a SAHM and her DH makes a VERY good living, their house is plenty big for a family of 6, and they have a lot of family support. So I say if you can afford it and have the space, go for it!

From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

If it is what you want then you should go for it. It would not be right for me but if you and your DH have the emotional and financial means for four under four you should not wait if there are fertility issues. Just a thought--would you be able to handle multiples if you were blessed again?

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

Oh man, I can barely handle the ONE three year I have...and he's the baby!

The one thing that stuck out to me was when you said, "when my boys are Tweens and hate me." Guess what, that fourth kid is going to hate you too one day...probably especially if it's a girl!

Anyway, I say go for it. I actually wish I could have tried for four, but I already pushed my luck with three--my DH really only wanted two; plus, I'm *cough cough* 40. I think it's going to be great, but yeah, I'm reasonably sure it's going to be crazy!

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

Thanks ladies! Definitely could not handle multiples again - I am naively hoping since the pressure is off maybe it will happen naturally this time. If we did ivf again I would insist in single embryo transfer. And yes, ha, I know all kids hate their parents at some point, but at least of I had another they wouldn't all hate me at the same time!

I am just torn thinking about the negative reaction we will get from some family. We are not rich, but fortunately live with little to no overhead and receive family help. A lot of our other family doesn't necessarily know this so they are quick to vocally demand how we plan to afford this...the one time I mentioned a fourth people were downright hostil. Don't know why. My boys are well cared for and adorable and I have found my calling as a SAHM after floundering for a decade in my career.

I told my husband, if it does happen, we will have to pretend its an accident. Isn't that sad? Why are people so negative?

Well in any case, I appreciate YOUR positivity! :)

Message edited 4/25/2014 1:40:46 PM.

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

I would go for it now. You won't regret having the fourth when you do, but you could end up regretting not having it. Good luck!! I always wanted four, but I'm getting older and haven't been able to concieve number 2 as fast as I would have liked!


Eta: I only have one, but I already get crazy comments and faces when I say we will hopefully have 3!! It's quite annoying, but I'm not letting it bother me anymore!

Message edited 4/25/2014 2:32:06 PM.

From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

People need to MYOB! You and DH know why is right for YOUR family. I grew up as 1 of 4 siblings and loved the craziness. Good luck!

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Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

I say plan for another boy (or 2!). If you are ok with that, go for it!

Message edited 4/25/2014 5:28:26 PM.

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

I don't think I could handle four under 3. I would probably wait a year or two but I see why uou would want to do it know. I'm going to be 3 under 5 and I'm beyond stressed thinking about it. Kind of wish I waited another year. Hoping everything works out.
I have two boys and one due in June. I think about a fourth as well to just try for that girl one more time. I never in my life would think about having four kids. I have to see how three goes first. Have to admit if this one was a girl, I would probably never have a fourth. I'm 34 so If I was to have a fourth I would want the last two three years apart like my boys are now. My youngest and the baby will be 2 years apart and I think it's not going to be good. Youngest is so attached to me.

From what I hear from others. 2-3 kids is really hard and 3-4 is not that bad.

Message edited 4/25/2014 9:40:21 PM.

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

First of all I you...even if I had all boys I could never entertain the thought of a fourth. I couldn't handle it right now and $ and space would be an issue.

That being said if it were me and I did want a fourth I would plan for the new baby to be born when my oldest (twins) were 5 going into kindergarten. I think that. Would make things a lot less crazy!!!!!!!!

As long as you are ok with 4 boys I say go for it. Good luck!

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

If you want my honesty, I was kind of shocked that you would want a fourth after triplets, but that's infusing my own exhaustion from my two kids into the thought process. I can't even imagine triplets. But then I thought to myself, well what is she had three kids (not multiples) and was going for a fourth? I wouldn't think much of it at all. So I guess technically yeah it's kind of a dumb judgement.

The only thing I would think hard about is if you're going for a girl. Could you do gender selection since it would be ivf? Sounds to me that's really why you're doing it.

Incidentally, this is how I know i am two and done. I was so disappointed to find out my second was a boy. Now ifi was guaranteed a girl I still wouldn't want a third.

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

See I do want to "try" for a girl, but I honestly think I would have the urge even if I had both genders. I know I have three, but it's still hard to acknowledge that they are not babies anymore - and that ill never get to do this again. Most people get to do this 2-3 times if they want :) and I don't think I would be sad with a fourth boy, but I do think I would be sad if I never tried. I keep imaging myself at 45 thinking I Should have done this again.

And I can see how it is shocking that someone with triplets would want more, because triplets are a really shocking and incomprehensible idea to most people! But to me, it's just life, and it's all I know, and its very manageable because i have to make it so - just like all us moms do with whatever our situation is :) And I figure if I can do that, I can do anything!

Thanks for your feedback ladies :)

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

Message edited 4/26/2014 11:18:16 PM.

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

At my last job I worked with a woman with triplets. When the triplets were about to turn 1, she found out that she was PG. Because of the way the birthdays are, her 4th is only one grade year behind the triplets. Maybe what I know about her situation, will help in your decision making process.

She went very early with her triplets and it was a tough road for her. They were due in August but born in May. They were all on oxygen at some point.

She said that the 4th was a completely different experience. She want full term, went home with her baby... She also said that she found one baby easy after having cared for 3 at once. She said that she felt like she should be doing more.

Her children were 8 and 9 when I stopped working with her. Her main challenges were coordinating homework and activities for 4 children. Here children were also in 2 different elementary schools in the district because 2 were special needs and that make coordinating drop off and pick up difficult.

HYH. Good luck

From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

I have a friend who had 4 under 2. She made it and it was just a way of life for her. She had 2 sets of spontaneous twins.

I think after Having triplets you can handle anything!!!

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

If we needed help from family to get by, I would not try for another.

Message edited 4/27/2014 9:04:14 PM.

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

Thanks! I love hearing those stories :) I guess having gone through such an extreme event prepares you well for subsequent children. I am feeling more and more certain :)

Just to clarify to, we do get by fine on my husbands salary. We are just fortunate to live for free in a home owned by my mother (she doesn't live there.) the home is paid off. So the lack of overhead allows us to live much better than we could otherwise, but our vital bills etc are easily met by husbands salary. However we are def not rich an would def feel the impact of a fourth...I agree if we couldn't survive on our own if needed we should not think about a fourth! And in general finances are a huge consideration...there is always the possibility of the unexpected. thanks for the feedback :)

Message edited 4/27/2014 11:14:12 PM.

Re: From 3 under 3 to 4 under 4?

Good luck you are braver than I, but i'm sure if it is what you want you will make it work! Also just wanted to mention that my BFF is grappling with the same issue. She had Twins through IVF and mentally her and her DH wanted 2 children. That being said now she feels somewhat jilted that she didn't get to have TWO experiences (ie 2 pregnancies, 2 different infant stages and on and on) and she would love to have another.
However, despite the fact she would love to be pregnant again and have a newborn etc, I think they have come to the conclusion that another pregnancy means yet another toddler, pre-teen, college tuition$$$, adult and lots of costs down the line so they have decided not to have another baby (though this has NOT been an easy decision for her and I know part of her regrets not getting to "do it again"). Its not an easy decision and her DH makes quite a hefty salary (she is a SAHM).