Could I get some advice please

My 2nd grader has been displaying signs of anxiety where he says he has a stomach ache, headache or nausea in the hopes of not being sent to school. This is very out of character for him. He has never ever displayed any anxiety about school.
I was finally able to get it out of him that he has had some trouble with finishing school work on time in class. The teacher has pointed it out several times in front of the class. Then yesterday she told him "I don't know where you go" because he didn't finish. His friends are now saying look he hasn't finished. He feels embarrassed and is getting anxious about doing the work & not finishing on time.

My son is quiet but has many friends.hes just not that in your face kid. Its not about the work being too hard. He's very intelligent and aware. I know he's embarrassed.. I feel like hes being ridiculed. 

Am I being too sensitive? Couldn't the teacher have handled it differently by maybe asking him if he needs help understanding something? Not just pointing out his flaw.

Any advice is welcomed. I'm just so upset for him. TIA.

Message edited 9/16/2014 11:17:10 AM.

Re: Could I get some advice please

I don't really have any advice other than calling the teacher. I don't think calling him out on it in front of the class is an appropriate way to handle it. If she knows this is a problem for your son then maybe she should kind of look over his shoulder to see how much progress he has made in completing the assignment since she has a time frame. Maybe she can prompt him if she sees him "daydreaming" or losing focus.

Take this with a grain of salt, b/c my older just started K so I'm not really sure what the right thing to do is!

Re: Could I get some advice please

Thank you!

Yes this is new to me too I've never had to deal with having to approach the teacher about how she handled something. I just in my gut feel she may not have realized this was the the correct approach and how my son would react.

Also in speaking with the other moms most of the kids have been really stressed out when they are home trying to do homework. Not sure what's going on.

Re: Could I get some advice please

My son just started K, so I am not the voice of experience, either, but I would definitely discuss it with the teacher. If it were something he mentioned in passing or a one-time thing, I'd let it go and see how it panned out. But if it is something that is happening enough to make your son anxious about school and looking for ways to avoid school, it needs to be addressed.

However, I would address it in a non-confrontational, non-blaming way. The school year is just starting, the teacher is just getting to know your child, and you are just getting to know the teacher. I know that sometimes things get lost in the translation, too, or important details get left out, when kids relay what happened at school.

I would just send a note asking the teacher to call you (so you know when you speak to her, she'll have time to talk), and approach it like, "I want to get your take on this situation and see what you think." Explain what you said here -- that your son has never had anxiety or trouble with school, but now has anxiety about not finishing his work and is embarrassed that others see that. Ask her what she thinks can be done to improve the situation and see what she says. If she is working with you and your son on this, it will hopefully make her more sensitive to his anxiety (and put an end to the comments in front of the class) and perhaps get to the root of the underlying issue of why your son isn't finishing. For example, maybe he's being too detail oriented when doing a simple task (I have perfectionist tendencies, so that would be me in school, lol!) or maybe his anxiety of not finishing or getting something wrong is hindering him?

But bottom line, I'd definitely bring it up, but take pains to make a soft approach and not put the teacher on the defensive. I wouldn't come across as critical of her decision to point out that his work isn't done in front of the class (even if you are). I'd keep it matter-of-fact.

Re: Could I get some advice please

Thank you!

I will definitely take that approach we are all adjusting to the new school year.

Re: Could I get some advice please

My oldest just started K - but has been in daycare since 6 months old .......DH and I are not at all helicopter parents - We think it's important for the kids to work through things and deal w/ sometimes unpleasant situations -

IMO, it's one thing to have an issue with another kid - Kids are kids, they can be sh*tty to each other and I want him to learn to handle things - I only voiced concern to the director once in 5 years b/c he was consistently saying one particular kid was mean to him, hit him, called him names etc - and woke up w/ nightmares about this kid -

But for the TEACHER to be causing a 2nd grader that kind of stress and anxiety? No. I'm sorry. That is unacceptable - Especially in the first few weeks of the school year - I would definietly discuss it with her -

Re: Could I get some advice please

I would ask to meet with the teacher and say something like, "DS has told me he's having a hard time finishing work in the allotted time and it's really starting to give him anxiety about going to school. How do you think we can work together to help him?"

Re: Could I get some advice please

Re: Could I get some advice please

Most definitely email or call the teacher. Teachers like the rest of us are human and some are more tactful and frankly better at their jobs than others. Some might make a flippant remark to one child and it will go over his head whereas another child might feel it deeply. I emailed one of DD's teachers last year as he embarrassed her for no reason on front of her peers and I wanted him to know it - I approached in a very non confronting way and he was very apologetic and apologized to DD and has not done that again. I firmly believe when it comes to your kids you should be their advocate whenever you can.

On a side note when my DD was in 2nd grade she use to complain that she wasn't finishing her math work on time at school and she felt the other kids were laughing at her. I spoke to her teacher about it and she said that yes DD takes her time but she also gets 99% of it right whereas the kids that finish first have to go back and correct their work so her motto was "slow and steady...."

Good luck

Re: Could I get some advice please

Thank you all!

I spoke with the teacher and advised of what my son told me and how he's feeling. I also found out a girl that sits next to him is constantly teasing him saying that hes still not finished & she's ahead of him.

The teacher was happy that I came to her and she's moving kids around in class and she said many of them are taking their time and not finishing on time. She didn't seem too concerned & said they will all catch up soon.

The little girl used to be very friendly with my son they have been in same class from K. He's very hurt by her actions. I spoke with him and hopefully things will get better soon.

Thanks for the support!