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Beck
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 1334 total posts
Name:
still can't believe it's mommy
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If you are one & done....
Are there times you would have liked your DC to have a sibling?
Since I was an only child & liked it, I just wanted one also.
I figured once I had one, I may be open to another one but even after having DD (who is 3) I really don't want any more.
Everyone & their mother (literally, & most often it's my husbands mother  ) tells me I will regret it.
Just wondering how it is when they get a little older.
I know each kid is different but just wanted to hear some opinions on having an only child.
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Posted 11/23/14 1:07 AM  |
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Re: If you are one & done....
I'm fine with just the one, especially when it comes down to finances.
It would be a struggle I think if we had two.
I also time wise feel that we can still do things we want to do independently, with just the one. I see people with more than one and their lives seem to be in a constant state of chaos, and they lack any kind of "me" time.
I am also friends with several adult only children who said they hated it when they were young, but now that they are grown, they don't mind.
I also know that many people have horrible relationships with siblings.
DS is super close with his cousins so they are his BFFs and "family".
I never have really gone by what other people think I should do, especially when it comes to kids.
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| Posted 11/23/14 7:02 AM |
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Re: If you are one & done....
My daughter is 7. She loves being an only child, for as long as she's been aware that most kids have siblings she's been fine with it. As MCC pointed out, there is a definite financial advantage- for us, I was able to leave my job 2 years ago (something I needed to do for my mental health  ) and go freelance. If we had two kids, that never would have happened.
Compared to parents with multiple kids, I probably have to make more of an effort with social plans- she really complains when she's bored. But we are lucky in that a little girl who has become a great friend lives 3 doors down. They play together most days after school and on the weekend. There are 3 other little girls she plays with regularly. But it's worth it- because she is not lonely in spite of what other people tell me. She is also a Girl Scout, takes dance and plays basketball.
I think it also helps that she is seeming a bit introverted which would not be a surprise as DH and I definitely are. So she loves to be with friends but she needs that alone time. She has never complained about being an only.
To be honest I worry more about what her life will be like when she is an adult. I know some people have terrible relationships with siblings but at the same time I lost my father last year and my one brother and I leaned on each other a lot- but we also had a lot of conflict with another sibling which was horrible and stressful. DD has a cousin who is close in age and I am glad they are super close- though they live a couple hours from each other. But I hope they are always close- her cousin is also an only so I hope that helps them maintain their closeness.
I have no regrets. I'm 42 now so it's pretty much a done deal anyway. We have a really nice life and I feel we are very lucky.
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| Posted 11/23/14 8:54 AM |
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MM2004
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Member since 5/05 1854 total posts
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If you are one & done....
Absolutely regret it.
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| Posted 11/24/14 8:59 AM |
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Adri
Joy!
Member since 5/05 3116 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: If you are one & done....
My answer is similar to MrsProfessor. DS is 9 and I kind of wanted another kid, but DH didn't and it never happened. DS likes being an only child. He sees how some of his friends have to skip plans, or time in the playground, etc, because of their younger siblings.
He has a good group of friends and I organize playdates with them, and some of his friends don't have siblings also. He understands every family is different and we probably wouldn't be able to make some of the plans or trips we do, if we had another kid.
He has a cousin that is 3 years older, but he is like is older brother. I hope in the future they remain as close as they are right now.
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| Posted 11/24/14 11:54 AM |
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PregowithTwins
My boys turned 8
Member since 5/11 2451 total posts
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If you are one & done....
I can't imagine not having a sister. My sister & I are so opposite & even live in different states. It's still nice to know she is there.
I undertsand finances, but think everyone should have a sibling if possible.
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| Posted 11/25/14 2:35 PM |
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Re: If you are one & done....
Posted by PregowithTwins
I can't imagine not having a sister. My sister & I are so opposite & even live in different states. It's still nice to know she is there.
I undertsand finances, but think everyone should have a sibling if possible.
But again, that's you.
There's nothing "wrong" if someone doesn't want to have more kids, even for selfish reasons.
You're not the one raising the child. 
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| Posted 11/26/14 5:23 AM |
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Adri
Joy!
Member since 5/05 3116 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: If you are one & done....
Posted by PregowithTwins
I can't imagine not having a sister. My sister & I are so opposite & even live in different states. It's still nice to know she is there.
I undertsand finances, but think everyone should have a sibling if possible.
I don't know… I love my sister and can't imagine my life with out her, either, but for some reasons, she decided to have only one kid, and i decided the same.
DH has a brother, and they don't have a relationship. He didn't even have memories of time spent together with his brother when growing up.
Personally, I would have another child, not to give a sibling to my DS, since I don't know how their relationship would be, but because I want another baby.
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| Posted 11/26/14 8:35 AM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: If you are one & done....
Posted by Adri
Posted by PregowithTwins
I can't imagine not having a sister. My sister & I are so opposite & even live in different states. It's still nice to know she is there.
I undertsand finances, but think everyone should have a sibling if possible.
I don't know… I love my sister and can't imagine my life with out her, either, but for some reasons, she decided to have only one kid, and i decided the same.
DH has a brother, and they don't have a relationship. He didn't even have memories of time spent together with his brother when growing up.
Personally, I would have another child, not to give a sibling to my DS, since I don't know how their relationship would be, but because I want another baby.
I agree too, I love my sister to pieces. She actually helped raise me and is more of a mother figure. But I'm still content with just my DS. Granted he does have an older brother from his dad but even if he didn't, I would still be done.
I would never base my decision on my relationship with my sister or just to give my DS a sibling.
I like financially how easier it is with just one in terms of private school and extra curricular activities. Selfishly I like where my family is at now and wouldn't want the extra pressure and stress of adding another child. That's how I know im done and content with just DS.
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| Posted 11/26/14 9:28 AM |
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Kathy042806
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 1416 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: If you are one & done....
Posted by MorningCuppaCoffee
I'm fine with just the one, especially when it comes down to finances.
It would be a struggle I think if we had two.
I also time wise feel that we can still do things we want to do independently, with just the one. I see people with more than one and their lives seem to be in a constant state of chaos, and they lack any kind of "me" time.
I am also friends with several adult only children who said they hated it when they were young, but now that they are grown, they don't mind.
I also know that many people have horrible relationships with siblings.
DS is super close with his cousins so they are his BFFs and "family".
I never have really gone by what other people think I should do, especially when it comes to kids.
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| Posted 11/26/14 7:05 PM |
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schmora15
LIF Adult
Member since 9/08 2476 total posts
Name:
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If you are one & done....
My good friends only DD is about 7. She recently realized that since she's an only child that her kids won't have cousins like she does. Just something else to consider. I was amazed that a 7 yr old even put that together.
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| Posted 11/27/14 7:12 AM |
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Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!
Member since 12/10 2943 total posts
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Re: If you are one & done....
Posted by schmora15
My good friends only DD is about 7. She recently realized that since she's an only child that her kids won't have cousins like she does. Just something else to consider. I was amazed that a 7 yr old even put that together.
Her kids wouldn't have cousins on her side but if her future DH has siblings, then yes her kids would have cousins.
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| Posted 11/27/14 8:02 AM |
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Re: If you are one & done....
Posted by schmora15
My good friends only DD is about 7. She recently realized that since she's an only child that her kids won't have cousins like she does. Just something else to consider. I was amazed that a 7 yr old even put that together.
True, but I don't find that a compelling reason to have another child. Family is important but a blood relationship does not guarantee closeness. DH has a lot of cousins but is not close with any of them because they are all way older .
I also think financial considerations are important. Taking them seriously is the responsible thing to do. In this day and age you can't guarantee that your circumstances will improve. I know a family who only planned one because money was tight, they decided to have another knowing it would be really tight. Their second child has special needs and while a lot is covered they are struggling. I know they don't regret it but it's super stressful and it didn't occur to them that they would face additional financial challenges.
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| Posted 11/27/14 9:20 AM |
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Disneygirl
Disney cruise bound!
Member since 5/05 8126 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: If you are one & done....
Posted by PregowithTwins
I can't imagine not having a sister. My sister & I are so opposite & even live in different states. It's still nice to know she is there.
I undertsand finances, but think everyone should have a sibling if possible.
You can't imagine not having a sister because you never knew life without one. No one can argue both sides because either you're an only child or you're not. That being said I don't think anyone's reason to have a second child should be to give their first a sibling. You should have a second child because that's what you and your spouse want not to fulfill an obligation you think you have to your child.
Anyone who has a good relationship with their family will more than likely be pro siblings but I know plenty including my mother who have siblings they have no contact with whatsoever. Some people have closer bonds with friends then siblings. You just never know.
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| Posted 11/27/14 1:58 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: If you are one & done....
I think there are pros and cons to both being an only child and having siblings. I come from big family and have friends and family that are only children. Honestly, as much as I love having a big family, I do see the benefits of being/having an only child. I definitely do not think ANYONE can say one way is better than the other. I could go on and on with examples but, I'll leave it at that.
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| Posted 11/27/14 7:24 PM |
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Re: If you are one & done....
DS is an only, that is permanent.
The only time i have slight regrets is when he wants me to play all day with him. I love to play but i dont have the energy like another kid would for it.
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| Posted 11/28/14 9:13 AM |
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Re: If you are one & done....
Living with regret is a needless, counterproductive way to live your life.
That being said, I thought I would have more, and wanted more, but between our dire financial situation for years and an obvious inability to get pregnant when we did try for a brief time, I have accepted that this is what is meant to be.
He is 7 and a half, and he never asks why he doesn't have a younger sibling. He is content and happy, and I realized the desire was more for me than for him when I wanted more. I was worried about him being lonely. But he isn't.
Siblings don't guarantee lifelong connections - I know siblings who don't talk to each other.
I'll be 41 tomorrow - the window is closed. I was worried I would have regret, but I truly don't. Mostly because I don't have the energy or time to waste wishing for things that did not happen, and I appreciate what I am blessed with. I have a happy, amazing child.
We can finally afford to give him a full life with sports, trips, and nice things. What more could I want? Who is to say another child would have made things better? Maybe yes, maybe no.
But we are complete with what we have.
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| Posted 11/28/14 10:22 AM |
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Re: If you are one & done....
Posted by Dolphinsbaby
Posted by schmora15
My good friends only DD is about 7. She recently realized that since she's an only child that her kids won't have cousins like she does. Just something else to consider. I was amazed that a 7 yr old even put that together.
Her kids wouldn't have cousins on her side but if her future DH has siblings, then yes her kids would have cousins.
And even if she had siblings there'd be no guarantee they'd have kids either.
People love their siblings, people also loathe their siblings too.
I never wanted more than one. I wish my gyn would tie my tubes
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| Posted 11/28/14 6:39 PM |
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evrythng4areason
And then there were 4
Member since 1/10 5224 total posts
Name:
Kayla
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If you are one & done....
My little sister is 8 years younger than me, so I clearly remember being an only child (and only grandchild/niece on both sides of the family), as well as what it is like to have a sibling.
Being siblings is no guarantee that your children will get along. I actually really enjoyed being an only child. I liked the ease of everything, and I liked having the attention. While my sister and I get along now, it took 18 years for it to happen.
That being said, DH and I are planning on having more children, albeit much closer in age. But we're doing it for us, not for them-and ultimately I think that's where the decision should be based, not on the feelings of the older sibling who may or may not want a sibling
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| Posted 11/28/14 9:07 PM |
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Re: If you are one & done....
Posted by evrythng4areason
My little sister is 8 years younger than me, so I clearly remember being an only child (and only grandchild/niece on both sides of the family), as well as what it is like to have a sibling.
Being siblings is no guarantee that your children will get along. I actually really enjoyed being an only child. I liked the ease of everything, and I liked having the attention. While my sister and I get along now, it took 18 years for it to happen.
That being said, DH and I are planning on having more children, albeit much closer in age. But we're doing it for us, not for them-and ultimately I think that's where the decision should be based, not on the feelings of the older sibling who may or may not want a sibling
This is me, although my mom later revealed she had several miscarriages in between.
We get along well enough now that we are both adults, but we are also completely opposite and there are things about my sister and her lifestyle choices that I worry how they will play out when we are older adults.
It often even comes up as a source of tension between DH and I.
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| Posted 11/29/14 8:53 AM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: If you are one & done....
I have two, but grew up as an only, not by choice. I think this is very personal. I also think it really depends on your family.
I think it is much easier to have an only when you have a large family nearby, lots of cousins and support. I think kids who have big families have a much easier time being an only. You have family you see often, holidays with family, will hopefully have a family support when heaven forbid you, the parent pass on.
On the flip side, coming from a tiny family, cousins across the country, none nearby, being an only is tough. It is just you, your parents, maybe your in laws. I had plenty of friends growing up, but it was lonely not having a lot of family, no siblings, so when my parents go, basically that is it.
I think you have to look at what you have, what your child will have done the road. A sibling does not guarantee family or a friend, but neither does a big family. At the end of the day to have to decide what you want, and feel confident in your choice. At least you have that option, some people don't have that choice, life makes it for them. But honestly no choice comes with a guarantee.
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| Posted 11/29/14 10:16 AM |
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Re: If you are one & done....
I probably shouldn't answer since I have 3 kids and come from a family of 5.
I agree with the posters that mentioned having additional kids because you want them, not for siblings. I always knew I wanted additional kids.
With that said, I do know of a family that has an only child, he is now 14 and I really do feel bad for him. His parents really were not around much (there choice), they worked a lot and always went on vacations alone. So his grandmother watched him mostly. He has cousins, but he is the 2nd youngest I think and they live in FL. His other cousins are adults and live in Va. He doesn't have many friends and is more introverted. I guess because I know what we do for our kids (which isn't anything crazy) but making memories is very important to me, I feel like they didn't. It never seemed like a priority.
During hurricane Sandy he and his mom stayed with me while my DH and her DH went to get a generator. We ended up going to a friends house for dinner since they had a generator. This boy was 12 at the time and was so happy to be eating dinner with a family. He didn't even know my friends. But he felt a sense of family there and said he wished he more family dinners.
On the flip side, I have another friend who wants more children (both do actually), but can not have anymore. That little girl is not spoiled but has a great extended family and close friends and memories are always made.
I guess what I am trying to say, it doesn't really matter how many kids you have, if your has child a sense of family and you take the time to make memories, it will never matter.
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| Posted 11/29/14 7:04 PM |
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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: If you are one & done....
Posted by JerseyMamaOf3
I probably shouldn't answer since I have 3 kids and come from a family of 5.
I agree with the posters that mentioned having additional kids because you want them, not for siblings. I always knew I wanted additional kids.
With that said, I do know of a family that has an only child, he is now 14 and I really do feel bad for him. His parents really were not around much (there choice), they worked a lot and always went on vacations alone. So his grandmother watched him mostly. He has cousins, but he is the 2nd youngest I think and they live in FL. His other cousins are adults and live in Va. He doesn't have many friends and is more introverted. I guess because I know what we do for our kids (which isn't anything crazy) but making memories is very important to me, I feel like they didn't. It never seemed like a priority.
During hurricane Sandy he and his mom stayed with me while my DH and her DH went to get a generator. We ended up going to a friends house for dinner since they had a generator. This boy was 12 at the time and was so happy to be eating dinner with a family. He didn't even know my friends. But he felt a sense of family there and said he wished he more family dinners.
On the flip side, I have another friend who wants more children (both do actually), but can not have anymore. That little girl is not spoiled but has a great extended family and close friends and memories are always made.
I guess what I am trying to say, it doesn't really matter how many kids you have, if your has child a sense of family and you take the time to make memories, it will never matter.
I totally agree with this. I probably have no business answering this thread either, since I'm having a second child and hopefully more (I'd love 5! but we'll see)... Anyway, I think families are all so different & there are so many factors that come into play. It's true that having siblings is no guarantee of friends for life. And being an only child is no guarantee a person will be lonely. Even though I have 2 older brothers, we are far apart in age & my extended family is small, far away & we're not close with them so growing up the holidays were super boring & lonely. Also my parents are like the ones described above in that they made no effort for family time or dinners or anything like that & it was depressing even though I have 2 siblings.
I think it's a personal decision & it's up to the couple how many kids to have. I do know that personally I would regret it if I didn't have more than one child but that is a personal feeling because now that I have one, I feel a strong desire to have more kids, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing to have one child. I know plenty of only children who are happy & well adjusted adults.
Also, about the cousins thing.... even though I have 2 brothers & DH has 2 brothers, there is a good chance our kids won't have any cousins anyway (there's a good chance my brothers & BIL's won't have any kids)... so there's no guarantee of that either if you have siblings.
Message edited 11/29/2014 8:36:49 PM.
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| Posted 11/29/14 8:34 PM |
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