3 year old- behavior out of control

My usually sweet, good, listened to me most of the time lil girl has turned into a monster. She hits, she throws things, she screams, she answers back when she doesn't get her way or when we try to help her with something (Ie opening a bag of gold fish or her yogurt)... Shes completely out of control and laughs at all punishment. I take toys away, I do time out, I put her in her bed, we have left places... NOTHING WORKS she laughs and tells me I want to leave. OR I want to go to my bed. I want to be on time out... etc....

What do I do? EVERY single DAY has become a struggle. I don't mean this the way its going to come out, but she ruins the day with this poor behavior. We cant just have a nice family day anymore because shes out of control.

Im evaluating what were doing to encourage this if we are? We have asked the grandmas to stop spoiling her so much. We have personally stopped spoiling her. I am trying to see how we handle our frustrations to see if that's where shes learning it.
But I sit here right now about to cry with my head pounding and in a foul mood.

For about a month now shes INCREDIBLY clingy to me to the point its severe. And its sudden out of nowhere. She wont let me out of her sight, she wont even stay with her father without crying. She cries when I drop her at her grandmas when I work. And has episodes of crying for me for 20 min

For the last 3 weeks her sleep schedule has been a mess and the last few days have been atrocious. Going to bed so late and waking early. She wont nap. She wont fall asleep early like she usually does. She fights and cries when its bedtime.
I know THAT doesn't help it only makes it all worse. But I really don't know whats going on and Im at my wits end.
My DH has zero patience for it and THAT REALLY helps nothing cause then she really doesn't want to be around him.

Re: 3 year old- behavior out of control

I seriously could have written this WORD for WORD. My 3.5 yo DD is the same exact way. I remember my older DD going through this phase. It will get better, that's what I keep telling myself over and over! They def. test you at this age. Keep strong and know it will get better.

Re: 3 year old- behavior out of control

My DD is 3.5 and I am going through the same thing. Last night was the worst, she would not get in the bath and all she did was scream at the top of her lungs, throw water at me and try to hit me.
I too am trying to take notice of how DH and I react when we are mad. I am trying not to spank her or yell at her. It is torture, but I've been letting her scream and try to calmly talk to her or I will leave the room and let her scream.
I am waiting for the day it gets better.

Re: 3 year old- behavior out of control

During that phase everything was earned or lost based on behavior. You want X then you have to Y. No Y = No X.
If something was already planned or in the works it would get taken away if she didn't behave. Period. She caught on quick!
I used both short term and long term activities, even something as simple as no books before bed (she LOVES her nightly reading) if it was getting late and she was acting up. Thankfully we seem to be over that hump but it was tough. Stick to your guys and make sure everyone that watches her is on the same page.

ETA: The I don't care attitude about punishment, etc. drove me batty but once she was consistently losing things it got better. Once or twice was funny, 3rd time not as much.

Message edited 7/13/2015 2:58:25 PM.

Re: 3 year old- behavior out of control

Tough age.
Consistency is key.
All your caregivers must follow same rules.
No fighting: have rules & follow them to a T.
Do immediate consequences & follow up.
Hitting gets time facing the wall for us. Throwing things removes the thing & we PERMANENTLY throw it out in the garbage.
As for sleep, re-evaluate how much she really needs (my kids get 11 hours a day: all at night).
Cut out naps at this point if you are having trouble.
Then say a quick story.
Then leave.
Clingy is a whole other thing to battle. That has nothing to do with the rest of this.

Re: 3 year old- behavior out of control

Posted by BaseballWidow

During that phase everything was earned or lost based on behavior. You want X then you have to Y. No Y = No X.
If something was already planned or in the works it would get taken away if she didn't behave. Period. She caught on quick!
I used both short term and long term activities, even something as simple as no books before bed (she LOVES her nightly reading) if it was getting late and she was acting up. Thankfully we seem to be over that hump but it was tough. Stick to your guys and make sure everyone that watches her is on the same page.

ETA: The I don't care attitude about punishment, etc. drove me batty but once she was consistently losing things it got better. Once or twice was funny, 3rd time not as much.

Re: 3 year old- behavior out of control

In the same sinking boat, it is terrible. My 3 yo also just got slammed with a new baby in the house which I'm sure is intensifying things. I agree everything is 1,000 times worse w/out sleep in fact we have tried to reinstate naps because it definitely helps him be more human BUT the fight to get the nap almost makes it unbearable and now we are going to try to move bedtime up and give up on naps again. Today he actually split his own lip after falling down fighting me to not go to is nap and I felt absolutely terrible
Ours also totally laughs at any punishment and thinks everything is a game. Will swing at us wildy or purposely say things to get us going (i want to hurt you seems to be the most effective and heart breaking) We have found he does not respond at all to taking things away and even when we follow through I think he figures well its already gone so now they have nothing to hold over me and gets even worse. He definitely does better with positive reinforcement/rewards BUT its hard to find anything positive in what he does lately.
I am considering doing a reward chart for good behavior (i.e. moves up the chart for every day he has successful "quiet time") and after x number of successes will get a reward.
Anyway I wish I had good advice but wanted to offer lots of hugs because I am totally there with you and it is so tough. I miss my "good, caring, strong willed boy" and once in a while will catch a glimpse of him and miss him even more.

Re: 3 year old- behavior out of control

I just wanted to jump in and add that my 3.5 year old is the same exact way. It's been so bad lately. Going anywhere with her has become a nightmare and I get so frustrated. Yesterday we were at HomeGoods and she ran away from me clear across the store. I scooped her up and we just left. We've been doing time outs and taking away her toys. Nothing helps.
I can't wait for this stage to pass! Her new thing is to unbuckle her carseat while I'm driving. I know she is trying to get a rise out of me but it's so dangerous that I can't even ignore it. The kid has no fear!

Re: 3 year old- behavior out of control

No advice, just wanted to add that my DD has been the same An awesome baby, a fun toddler, but when 3 yrs old hit she just became unpleasant. She's 4 now and still acts this way. I find that I honestly just do not enjoy her on most days, and that is so sad. We've also had to leave events and places and she can truly ruin a nice family weekend together. I'm a SAHM and find myself wanting to rip out my hair because I never get a BREAK from her attitude. I really don't know what else I can do besides what I already am, which is a lot of what's already been mentioned by others. It's difficult, but I've heard it's a normal phase for this age. I certainly sure hope so!!!

Re: 3 year old- behavior out of control

I feel your pain!! My 3 year old DD is the EXACT same way!!!!! Dh and I are at our wits ends. It's exhausting day in and day out. I don't know what to do either as we have tried everything I can think of. The separation anxiety is so extreme. I can't even go to the bathroom alone. I have to sneak away to use the bathroom and if she notices I'm gone she screams and cries pounding on the door. I'm hoping it's a phase but were on month 4 now. Her sleep is awful too. She wakes up several times a night yelling for me. It's like having a newborn al over again. If you find the solution let me know.

Re: 3 year old- behavior out of control

3 year old- behavior out of control

I'm in the same boat with my 2 year old. I've been trying to talk very calmly all the time even when he's being a monster. I ask him to help and then praise him for being good. It's gotten a little better, but he's very aggressive lately and I don't know how to handle it!

3 year old- behavior out of control

Very tough age. I work as a behavior specialist and for my little guys I recommend social stories and they can even learn from relaxation techniques. There is a cue Elmo app with deep breathing. I would also may e read books like "when Sophie gets really really angry." And then discuss with her- she's young but you would be surprised how much she will understand. Use a visual reward chart and for a week of good behavior take her to do a highly reinforcing activity. Praise and praise again the good and ignore the bad (within reason) obviously if it's a huge concern address it. Like if she is yelling at you simply state- "I don't like the way you are speaking to me it hurts my feelings. When you can talk in a calm voice like a big girl I will talk to you and then walk away.
Hugs to you and FM me for any advice or resources!

Re: 3 year old- behavior out of control

My DD was very difficult at that age. I wound up making a chart like the one below.
Mine said:
Great Day 10 min TV before bed
Good job
Start
Think about it
Time out

It helped alot. I didn't say anything I would just move their clothes pin (i have twins) and they got it. I think it helped that I didn't have to say anything. That way they weren't receiving attention for their poor behavior.