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9 year old driving me crazy...please tell me I'm not the only one
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pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1
Member since 10/05 7395 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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9 year old driving me crazy...please tell me I'm not the only one
DD is constantly putting on makeup, watching makeup tutorials on YouTube, polishing her nails, begging for fake nails, etc. Most of it, I shrug off as growing up, and don't have a problem with it. But the past few days, she has been putting on mascara every day, and when we go out, she has this flaming pink lip gloss on and looks like a hoochie!!
Now the fake nails she is asking me to buy her are not the press-on ones, she wants glue-ons. And she wants them for the first day of school. I told her absolutely not. First, I don't want the teacher to get the wrong idea about her...that she is all about looks, and that she has no direction or supervision at home. Second, she is NINE!!! She complains to me that she can't wear a dress because then she can't play on the playground or monkey bars, yet she wants to wear fake nails... She still wants to take baths (instead of showers). And she tells me every other day that she is a Tomboy, and loves sports. I know that she is at the inbetween age, and is trying to "find" where she is, but... 
I told her I would compromise, and let her get the UV polish for the first day so that it won't come off in the bath every day. What do you all think? Should I let her get the UV polish?
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Posted 8/28/15 10:19 AM  |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: 9 year old driving me crazy...please tell me I'm not the only one
I wouldn't. The chemicals are very bad and the UV light is terrible. I don't get them for myself.
Will they even do such a manicure on a little girl?
She must be getting the message from somewhere (media?) that this is ok and acceptable for girls her age.
When I encounter such questions/requests from my daughter I take it as a teachable moment an we have a discussion about it. If I were you I'd start talking about why she wants to do it and how, at age 9, it's not age appropriate.
I constantly monitor the media my kids are exposed to. I hate those mindless preteen bloggers on youtube. When I caught my DD watching one we had a conversation about what purpose (none) the channel serves, how better the girl and my daughter could use her time doing crafts, reading a book, baking in the kitchen with me, etc., etc. You Tube is now password protected on their iPad. They can only watch specific things in front of me. They are allowed to download one app a month and I have to approve it. No screens of any sort allowed in the bedrooms. I'm on the cusp of blocking some Disney/Nick shows. Everyone is just nasty to one another, the dads are portrayed as mindless idiots, etc. etc.
Does she see young girls her own age with fake nails? IRL? Heavy makeup?
IMO, she seems very influenced by the media messages she is exposed to. I would limit, block and monitor her media usage a lot more closely.
Remember, you are the mom. It's your rules! You are the boss! She doesn;t dictate to you what is acceptable. You do. If you give in to this now, I shudder to think what she is going to ask to do she she is a teenager. It's a slippery slope.
FTR: I am also a high school teacher. She is starting this way too early.
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| Posted 8/28/15 11:30 AM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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9 year old driving me crazy...please tell me I'm not the only one
I would absolutely not give into that kind of stuff. That's just me though. I prefer my little girl to stay a little girl for a while. She is 8.5. I know a lot of 9 year olds, and they are not into makeup, nails, etc. yet either. Where is she getting the makeup to wear? If you are buying it, I would stop. I absolutely would not let my 9 year old leave the house like you described.
I agree with the PP, I would limit the youtube.
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| Posted 8/28/15 12:29 PM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
Name:
Karen
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9 year old driving me crazy...please tell me I'm not the only one
It's definitely youtube. I had to ban it from my house. I have an 8.5 year old doing the same things, wanting to dye her hair, wanting fake nails, telling me about her "crushes", rolling her eyes at me, etc. It's all from youtube. Now that youtube is gone she's back to playing with her barbies lol.
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| Posted 8/28/15 3:26 PM |
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pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1
Member since 10/05 7395 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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Re: 9 year old driving me crazy...please tell me I'm not the only one
Posted by BargainMama
I would absolutely not give into that kind of stuff. That's just me though. I prefer my little girl to stay a little girl for a while. She is 8.5. I know a lot of 9 year olds, and they are not into makeup, nails, etc. yet either. Where is she getting the makeup to wear? If you are buying it, I would stop. I absolutely would not let my 9 year old leave the house like you described.
I agree with the PP, I would limit the youtube.
I will buy her LIGHT colored lip gloss. She takes my stuff (mascara, lipstick). When I find it, I confiscate it and tell her that she is NOT allowed to go out of the house like that...unless I approve, and I only do so for things like recitals or special holidays.
I too want her to stay a little girl. I'm assuming the YouTube will decrease significantly next week when she goes back to school. She was in camp all summer, but when she came home, that is what she liked to do. I definitely try to monitor what she is watching, but I can't be over her shoulder at every moment, and DH is home with her much more than I am. He is in agreement with me about what she is allowed to do, but isn't as much of a monitor as I am with what she's doing/watching.
I definitely try to explain to her that her appearance should not be the most important thing, that young girls/teenagers don't need makeup -- heck, I try to tell her how awful young ladies (aka teens) look with a ton of makeup. Sometimes she's on board with me and sometimes she argues with me.
I guess it will always be a struggle with her. Everything always is. Just another way to prove what a bad job I'm doing...
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| Posted 8/28/15 7:01 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: 9 year old driving me crazy...please tell me I'm not the only one
Is this common amongst her friends and the other 9 year old girls you know? I only ask because my DS is 8 and I do know a lot of 9 year old girls and none of them wear fake nails or any makeup except for maybe a dance recital. If a 9yr old were to show up at school the way you describe they would definitely stand out and NOT in a good way! Maybe this is something that varies by neighborhood but I'm suprised to hear this about a 9 year old. Although My dd is only 5 lol so who knows I could be totally wrong! But l also know alot of girls 10
And 11 and they aren't doing what u describe either
Message edited 8/30/2015 3:45:21 PM.
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| Posted 8/30/15 3:42 PM |
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olive98
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/12 791 total posts
Name:
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9 year old driving me crazy...please tell me I'm not the only one
Fake nails and makeup at 9? I don't see this around here at all. Way to young.
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| Posted 8/30/15 8:57 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: 9 year old driving me crazy...please tell me I'm not the only one
Posted by pharmcat2000
Posted by BargainMama
I guess it will always be a struggle with her. Everything always is. Just another way to prove what a bad job I'm doing...
Aww, don't feel like you are doing a bad job. You just need to set stricter boundaries and she will be fine!I think once you ditch youtube altogether, you will see a difference. 
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| Posted 8/30/15 9:19 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: 9 year old driving me crazy...please tell me I'm not the only one
Posted by pharmcat2000
I guess it will always be a struggle with her. Everything always is. Just another way to prove what a bad job I'm doing...
She's your child, but she's also her OWN PERSON. I think people sometimes forget that children are also living, breathing, THINKING, observing human beings.
The fact that she is interested in hair, makeup, nails etc doesn't mean you are doing a 'bad job' - and for the record, her INTERESTS in these things don't make her ANYTHING other than a girl who's interested in hair, makeup, nails etc. It doesn't mean she's going to be a 'certain kind of girl' or do badly in school etc.
A 9 year old girl doesn't 'know' that these things are inappropriate for her age. She's a 9 year old girl, and some kids are looking to grow up before others are ready to give up their Barbie dolls. There's no right or wrong with regard to what she's interested in.
You (IMO) just have to draw the line in the sand for her. No, you can't wear makeup out of the house. You can polish your nails, YOURSELF - Manicures are for special occasions. (as in, getting a manicure, not fake nails or UV gel) - You can't sit watching tennagers on YouTube all day. You're not a teenager - yet. KWIM?
What about buying her a sketchpad and colored pencils, pastels etc and encouraging her to start designing? Clothes, nail art, makeup looks ........- Take her to a MAC store and show her the faces they have drawn on to demonstrate the various looks to people .......ON PAPER - not on her own face. If she's really interested in the artistic side of it, she'll go for it - If she's just about LOOKING a certain way herself, she'll fight you, and then you'll have to fight back. But I'd try to see if she will go for it. Show her the creative side of it - that it's not just plastering product on your face, it's an art .......
My sister hated school, but always loved to do hair, makeup, etc. She wasn't allowed out of the house with it on until it was age appropriate........and my parents forced her to go to college. - But when she was done she still went to Beauty School and is a really incredibly talented stylist, colorist, makeup artist etc. -
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| Posted 8/31/15 9:51 AM |
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phoenix913
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3034 total posts
Name:
V
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Re: 9 year old driving me crazy...please tell me I'm not the only one
Totally agree with Marisa and she said it all really well.
Just wanted to add that perhaps she had a counselor at camp that wore these things and she admired her? Like she just thought she was the coolest girl ever and wanted to be like her or something?
Just stay firm with whatever you want your rules to be. And you are not doing a bad job!!!!
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| Posted 8/31/15 12:09 PM |
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MrsBumbleb
it's me
Member since 5/05 11234 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: 9 year old driving me crazy...please tell me I'm not the only one
We are the meanest parents in the world according to my 8yr old. She is allowed lip balm and nail polish that's all. She gave us a hard time at her twirling recital and Communion when others girls were dolled up. There's plenty of time to be grown up. They are only young for a short time.
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| Posted 8/31/15 2:55 PM |
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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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Re: 9 year old driving me crazy...please tell me I'm not the only one
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by pharmcat2000
I guess it will always be a struggle with her. Everything always is. Just another way to prove what a bad job I'm doing...
She's your child, but she's also her OWN PERSON. I think people sometimes forget that children are also living, breathing, THINKING, observing human beings.
The fact that she is interested in hair, makeup, nails etc doesn't mean you are doing a 'bad job' - and for the record, her INTERESTS in these things don't make her ANYTHING other than a girl who's interested in hair, makeup, nails etc. It doesn't mean she's going to be a 'certain kind of girl' or do badly in school etc.
A 9 year old girl doesn't 'know' that these things are inappropriate for her age. She's a 9 year old girl, and some kids are looking to grow up before others are ready to give up their Barbie dolls. There's no right or wrong with regard to what she's interested in.
You (IMO) just have to draw the line in the sand for her. No, you can't wear makeup out of the house. You can polish your nails, YOURSELF - Manicures are for special occasions. (as in, getting a manicure, not fake nails or UV gel) - You can't sit watching tennagers on YouTube all day. You're not a teenager - yet. KWIM?
What about buying her a sketchpad and colored pencils, pastels etc and encouraging her to start designing? Clothes, nail art, makeup looks ........- Take her to a MAC store and show her the faces they have drawn on to demonstrate the various looks to people .......ON PAPER - not on her own face. If she's really interested in the artistic side of it, she'll go for it - If she's just about LOOKING a certain way herself, she'll fight you, and then you'll have to fight back. But I'd try to see if she will go for it. Show her the creative side of it - that it's not just plastering product on your face, it's an art .......
My sister hated school, but always loved to do hair, makeup, etc. She wasn't allowed out of the house with it on until it was age appropriate........and my parents forced her to go to college. - But when she was done she still went to Beauty School and is a really incredibly talented stylist, colorist, makeup artist etc. -
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| Posted 9/1/15 4:37 PM |
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