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thank you! :)

Message edited 8/5/2006 4:16:44 PM.

Re: being the girlfriend and not the wife gripe (really long)

Well....i think that you have the right to be hurt and upset for a few reasons..

1. why were you not told about this prior

2. telling you this in FRONT of the other couple IMO was VERY RUDE and almost cowardly....

3. i think that the whole thing about him going out to dinner with his aunt....well ok. But yes i think i would have been hurt by it....BUT NOT NEARLY as much as how hurt and embarrassed as being told this in front of other people the way he did

I really don't look at this as a wife vs girlfriend thing though..

manners is manners..

But i will tell you this....i would NOT go and say you can't go to the parties on monday..IMO that is playing games. And healthy relationships shouldn't be about games like that....ESPECIALLY when it involves family..

Just be honest and tell him how you feel about the whole thing...

I strongly believe in saying how you feel as opposed to keeping it in and/or playing games...

Re: being the girlfriend and not the wife gripe (really long)

I would be really hurt too. My ILs always made a point of including me even when I was "just" dating. And for him to say it like it isn't a big deal is hurtful. If it didn't include the SIL I wouldn't be as upset (last night my brother was visiting and my mom took my brother, me, and DH out to a really nice place...my DH said should he go or leave it with my mom and her kids since she so rarely sees my brother...I told DH of course I wanted him there but I saw his point). Anyway, I would definitely tell your BF that you are hurt that you weren't included, but I think I would still go Monday. In a way it's hurting yourself by not going, especially if you get along with his family and feel like you'd have a good time...
Does he know you are upset?


ETA: I thought about this more and am thinking it would make me even more upset! Even if the aunt did not mention you, he should have stood up for you and said he wanted you there since it was meant to celebrate his birthday! He was really being an @ss!

Message edited 8/5/2006 12:50:40 PM.

Re: being the girlfriend and not the wife gripe (really long)

I would probably be ok with them going out by themselves. No biggie there. But, I would mention it to him that the way he said it & in front of other was not all that nice. There is a way of putting things. He could of said I hope you don't mind but, Tues nite my aunt just wants the 3 of us going. In that case I don't think you would have been so hurt.

Re: being the girlfriend and not the wife gripe (really long)

Re: being the girlfriend and not the wife gripe (really long)

I would be upset also, but at the fact that he did in front of his brother and SIL - probably because he knew you wouldn't do or say anything there.
I sort of understand them going out for their birthdays(although why you wouldn't be welcome is sort of weird, you've been together for a year) but he should have told you earlier and privately.
I would not back out of Monday night, that seems juvenile...but as Red said, I would tell him exactly what is bothering you and that you thought about backing out of Monday, but aren't.
Good luck!

Re: being the girlfriend and not the wife gripe (really long)

wow, that's not very nice of them to exclude you like that.

I agree with red - don't play games. I would tell your bf exactly how you feel. IMO a ring should not determine your relationship. if you had just gotten together with your bf I can understand them excluding you, but you've been together for a long time.

what he did was very hurtful, I am sorry. you don't deserve that treatment

Re: being the girlfriend and not the wife gripe (really long)

Thank you sooo much girls, I have been thinking of this all day long and i really needed some outside opinions on how to handle it. It is nice to kno that my feelings are valid and im going to mention it to him when i see him later on in a nice mature way..i dont wanna cause a big deal over it but im glad others can see why it would all bother me

Re: being the girlfriend and not the wife gripe (really long)

I agree that you should be upset... I think that you should talk to him about it though!!

Re: being the girlfriend and not the wife gripe (really long)

You're not right or wrong to be upset - if it bothers and you're upset, so be it. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are. I would speak with your boyfriend about it - communication is very important in any relationship. Of course, don't try to start an argument - always better to say something like "I was hurt that I wasn't invited to dinner with you on Tuesday" - keep it in the "I feel" type thing. Maybe there are some reasons for it.

Re: being the girlfriend and not the wife gripe (really long)

Don't assume the worst.

Right before DH proposed, he told me how he was taking an old friend (who is a girl) out to dinner.

I immediately thought "if he goes through with that, we're done"

It never happened. But, awhile after he proposed, I mentioned it to him and asked what it was all about.

He said that he wanted to hear some "good ideas" for proposing, but then thought of his own.

Re: being the girlfriend and not the wife gripe (really long)

I can certainly understand your feelings being hurt. As the others said, I wouldn't NOT go on Monday, but I'd be honest with BF and tell him exactly how you are feeling.
I'm sure he didn't know you were hurt, nor did he intentionally hurt you. He seems like a great guy, sometimes they just don't THINK

Re: being the girlfriend and not the wife gripe (really long)

Posted by baghag

Posted by Redhead

Well....i think that you have the right to be hurt and upset for a few reasons..

1. why were you not told about this prior

2. telling you this in FRONT of the other couple IMO was VERY RUDE and almost cowardly....

3. i think that the whole thing about him going out to dinner with his aunt....well ok. But yes i think i would have been hurt by it....BUT NOT NEARLY as much as how hurt and embarrassed as being told this in front of other people the way he did

I really don't look at this as a wife vs girlfriend thing though..

manners is manners..

But i will tell you this....i would NOT go and say you can't go to the parties on monday..IMO that is playing games. And healthy relationships shouldn't be about games like that....ESPECIALLY when it involves family..

Just be honest and tell him how you feel about the whole thing...

I strongly believe in saying how you feel as opposed to keeping it in and/or playing games...

totally agree on all counts.

Re: *

When DH and I were dating i was excluded from everything. She never invited me to anything, dinners or family occasions. It bothered me at first, its sad to say but i got used to it. I don't think I got invted to anything until we had been dating maybe 5 years. I would still go on monday but i would talk to him about how he told you that you were invited.

Re: *