defiant almost 8 year old

My almost 8 year old son is extremely defiant. He came home from school today and wanted to ride his bike over to his 10 year old friends house (4 houses away)to see if they could have a play date(I knew the kid couldn't anyway). I said no because it's a school night. He said I can do what I want and ran out the front door to his friends(didn't take his bike). Now I am asking you folks to tell me should I have chased after him and When he returns, what punishment would you deem appropriate? I really Need to get a handle on this before he becomes a juvenile deliqient. Tia

On a side note if anyone knows a good therapist specializing in ODD that would be amazing! I am at the end of my rope.

Message edited 10/20/2015 10:12:14 AM.

Re: defiant almost 8 year old

Well obviously you can't lock an 8 year old out of the house, lol, and yes, I absolutely would have gone after him, put him and his bike back in the car, and drove him home. That alone might have been embarrassing enough for him not to do it again. Behavior charts are really healpful. Immediate and consistent consequences that actually mean something to him (i.e. taking away toys, privileges, etc). Rewards for when he does the right thing.

Re: defiant almost 8 year old

Sometimes you're so stunned by what they have the audacity to say/do, that you're temporarily stupid to even respond!

I'd LIKE to tell you I would have gotten in my car, taken his ass OFF that bike, put him in the car and drove him home straight to his room.
But I probably would have been so shocked it would have been 2 blocks away before I woke up and responded.

At which point I would have driven to his friend's house, removed him and his bike - brought them home and locked that bike up while he spent every free hour away from school and homework in his room w/o no iPad, TV, phone, etc etc until God knows how long ..........

defiant almost 8 year old

I'm just so sick of the fight. He's constantly defying me and fighting me. We fight several times a day. Its exhausting. It's obvious to me I have not been consistent enough with him and have made many mistakes. That is why I posted this. I really need help.

Re: defiant almost 8 year old

ODD is a real medical diagnosis, and no amount of advice from someone who doesn't have or know an ODD child will really help. As I'm sure you know by now, no amount of charts, rewards (positive or negative), punishments, etc, will ever work.
DS's school should have a list of doctors that can work with ODD children, and many services are available that the school district will pay for. There are plenty of Facebook groups, websites, etc., just dealing with ODD children.
Like with everything, even ODD children act and react differently. The main thing to try and do is to not get pulled into their tantrum/argument/escalation. It's a power grab technique, and the longer they can keep you arguing, and the more they can escalate it, the more power they (believe they) have.

defiant almost 8 year old

I would've ran after his ass so fast, his head would spin. Sorry you are going through this, my 8 y/o dd can be tough at times. she thinks I am the worst, meanest mom ever and that's fine!! if she did what I told her to do the first time, we would not have to argue over the simplest things.

Re: defiant almost 8 year old

I definitely would have ran after him and dragged him back. H*ll no would he be able to disrespect me that way. No way!

defiant almost 8 year old

ODD is a psychiatric disorder. Without a trained psychologist or behavior specialist, along with a psychiatrist, you likely won't be able to be effective. Dealing with a psychiatric disorder is a multidisciplinary approach. Additionally, you want the psychiatric component to actually have a diagnosis of ODD. There are similar psychiatric disorders that may exhibit similar characteristics. You need to know what you are treating becfore making a plan because this will determine your approach. I am a behavior specialist so feel free to FM me

Re: defiant almost 8 year old

I would start seeking the help of a child psychologist or behaviorist who specializes in ODD. DS has been seeing someone for ADHD/ODD combination and it has started to help. I feel your pain though - I fight with DS multiple times a day. I feel like he's the most disrespectful, unappreciative child ever and I'm so tired of fighting with him ALL.THE.TIME. It's a fine line because with ODD the worst thing you can do is feed into the fight - getting a rise out of you is the reaction they want. But it's impossible not to feed into it because then they seem to get away with whatever they want and you feel like you've lost control as the parent. I'm right there with you. Feel free to FM me anytime to vent or chat.