Concerns about my daughter

My daughter is 6 and in first grade- turns 7 in August. I've had concerns for awhile, but i'm kind of lost and unsure of what to do because nothing seems 'bad enough' to point me in the right direction. Meaning- it can be so many different things or maybe nothing, but in my gut I think something's up.

I will begin with her sleep habits. They are awful. I have her in bed by 8pm most nights and if she's wide awake I let her read in her bed for awhile. Every single night she gets up out of her bed several times before she falls asleep. Her belly hurts nightly. She physically cannot lay still long enough to fall asleep. She tells me she can't relax her body and will only fall asleep easily if I lay there with her and keep telling her over and over to stop moving, go to sleep, close your eyes, lay down. There have been nights where she comes sauntering out to the living room or down to my office area- wherever I am- at 11-12 at night, never having gone to sleep. She has said that she waits up for me to go to bed. Whether she had fallen asleep or is still up- she ends up in my bed every single night shortly after I go to bed. It's like she senses it. I let her sleep with me usually but sometimes I kick her out if her sister also comes in or she's suffocating me. When I kick her out I always wake to find her back next to me again. Then she is up by 7am pretty much everyday- give or take. I asked her what makes her sleep in my bed and she told me it's because she wants to snuggle and be with me because she doesn't get to be with me during the day.

She doesn't listen to me when I tell her to do things. Blatantly ignores me half the time. This morning I told her to get ready a dozen times or so and I find her ten minutes later naked, barricaded in my room to keep her sister out (playing). If I am not on top of her every minute of the morning, she is not doing what she's supposed to be. She doesn't listen until I lose it and scream.

Homework is a struggle most days. She knows the material and is very smart, but the focus just isn't there. She will say she needs help but then stops listening when I try to explain. She writes sloppily- almost as if on purpose- so I erase it and make her fix it neatly. I try to show her how to do something when she makes a math mistake and she says I know, I know and then makes the same mistake. And this happens a couple of times in a row. It's very frustrating.

She is expected to sit at the dinner table and she can't even do that for a few minutes. She's always half standing and getting up to get something and playing with her food.

She is always moving at home- UNLESS she is sitting with the ipad and I don't let her use it THAT often. Electronics are off after dinner. She doesn't usually use the ipad during the week. If she doesn't have the ipad she's running around the house, jumping on the couches, etc. She always needs to be moving SOMETHING, though. Finger & toes, tapping a foot, wiggling fingers, scratching her nose, rubbing her eyes. She had a blinking tic for several months but that went away. Same thing when she's trying to sleep at night- constant moving.

Her teacher told me today that she has seemed out of it and not finishing her work. Her seat was moved yesterday for being a chatterbox. In Kindergarten I got many comments from her teacher about her not being focused and spacing out, walking into things, etc. This years teacher told me at the P/T conference back in November that she wasn't finishing her work and I told her to start sending it home for homework and she hasn't done that so I assumed things were fine. She had also told me that she often caught DD staring at/watching her instead of doing what she's supposed to be doing. Lately she has been saying she doesn't want to go to school and DH got out of her tonight that she just wants to be home all the time.

I don't know if I am reading into things too much but in my gut I feel like something is off. I don't know if it's a sleep disorder, separation anxiety, ADHD. I took some online 'is your kid ADHD' quiz and it said moderate ADHD, but then I read about sleep disorders and how they can manifest as ADHD.

I am sending a note in to her teacher tomorrow to get more insight into her behavior at school.

I was hoping someone here might have some thoughts or suggestions for me. I feel lost and don't know what to do.

Re: Concerns about my daughter

Sending you lots of hugs

Have you spoken to your Pediatricians about this?
Drs are always in a rush during appointments. Maybe you could see if they can sit down with you to discuss and see if they can point you in the right direction/refer you to a specialist

Concerns about my daughter

I will have to call and make an appointment. Do I bring her with me, though? I feel like I don't want to discuss all of her 'things' in front of her.

Re: Concerns about my daughter

I would start with a pediatric neurologist to see about ADHD. I would also look into her diet, anxiety, sensory processing. Start working on executive functioning skills (attack skills/approach to task, quality of work and task completion). Environmental modifications and behavioral modifications help tremendously. Keep communication open with her teacher to problem solve strategies that work or don't work. Use extrinsic motivators, self monitoring checklists, sensory/movement breaks...

Re: Concerns about my daughter

Re: Concerns about my daughter

I would make an appointment with a pediatric neurologist... but be aware it will probably take months to see one. The one I just took my son to the other day, I made the appointment back in September... and right now they are booking for May.

ETA you mentioned her stomach hurts, I would also see about getting an appointment with a pediatric GI, but for now I would start with a daily probiotic, I give my son culturelle, I take apart the capsule and put it in his drink.

If you need recs for the ped neurologist and/or GI let me know.

Message edited 1/28/2016 10:10:41 AM.

Re: Concerns about my daughter

Sounds very much to me like auditory processing disorder which could also be mistaken for ADD.

Age 7 is the official age where one can be diagnosed with APD also known as CAPD.

If you need help in the process feel free to FM me.

APD can only be diagnosed by an audiologist. Dr Donna Geffner is considered one of top in this field. However, going through the school district (BOCES if in NYS) for the initial diagnosis is usually what needs to be done first. But that process drags,...

And the upset stomach can be a big clue into this as the 'microbiome/ gut" has so much to do with neurotransmitters, and those neurotransmitters like acetylcholine, norepinephrine, is likely playing a role here.

Message edited 1/28/2016 10:56:38 AM.

Re: Concerns about my daughter

Concerns about my daughter

To me it sounds like ADHD. My son did all the same things you mentioned.

I would start with your pediatrician. You can ask that your dd step out into the waiting room while you discuss things. I would not speak in front if her. Your ped will guide you as to who to see. Some will refer to a neurologist, others prefer a neuropsychologist. We were referred to neurologist first who did a series of test to make sure there was nothing wrong with the brain (an EEG, MRI, etc). From there we went to psychologist for more testing. And from them we got a report with a diagnosis. Its a long process and can be trying.

In the meantime, you can request she be tested by the school. The school can rule out any learning disorders but cannot diagnose things like ADHD.

Re: Concerns about my daughter

It sounds exactly like my kid. He has ADHD.

However, a lot of those behaviors can come from not sleeping well. So I would try to tackle the sleeping first. My son doesn't have anything close to the sleeping issues you described however, it did start to get bad for him recently.

I have been giving him sleepy time tea and he drifts right off. I would look up some tricks to get her to sleep. Lavender oil. Not sure if melatonin is safe for kids. Ask your ped.

That being said.... trouble sleeping is also classic ADHD. Either way it sounds like she is really struggling. Poor baby. And poor mom. I have a good pediatric neurologist if you are interested.

Re: Concerns about my daughter

Also, get the diagnosis yourself before you let the school evaluate. Its very important. They can not diagnose ADHD. They will find issues with learning and then the only choice they have is to classify her Emotionally Disturbed. If you have the ADHD diagnosis they can label her Other Health impaired. It's much better that way.

Also, not sure where you are located but we saw a psychologist too. She was amazing and gave us so many behavior mod strategies that we use to this day. My son is on meds but, they are not a magic bandaid. They help. However, he is still a handful.

You can also try fish oil. That helped my kid. They have a kids one that doesn't taste bad. It gave a slight improvement in focus.. until he started smelling like a fish after a couple of months. Then I had to stop it. I couldn't take it. I went to GNC and described the issues and left with a lavender oil diffuser (some other oils too but, I get migraines with smells and had to cut back to just lavender). I got magnesium and something else. It didn't help enough, but it's worth trying.

Concerns about my daughter

Thanks for all of the input. I spoke to her teacher more a couple of weeks ago and she said that she is extremely high functioning, she KNOWS all of the material, the focus just isn't there. She is way above grade level in reading and has no trouble learning material, so I really feel like APD is too far a stretch. In my gut I feel like it is ADHD for sure. I haven't gone further, I am trying to make changed to her diet and sleep habits first. I made a lavender oil spray for her pillow, I am going to make a magnesium lotion and I did make tart cherry gummies, but she hates them. I just recently bought and started giving her fish oil gummy vitamins. A few teacher friends have told me not to rush it, since she's not being disruptive to the class. She's still young and give it til third grade, etc. I don't know.

Re: Concerns about my daughter

Request an evaluation! Contact the psychologist! They will start the process quickly after that - your district should be pursuing this with you as it is!

Re: Concerns about my daughter

Concerns about my daughter

My son takes Melatonin to help him fall asleep as well. He has trouble turning settling down at night.

Re: Concerns about my daughter

Re: Concerns about my daughter

My DS is ADD Inattentive. He has some hyper issues, but has a good handle on them at school. Like your DD, he does very well academically but can zone out. As of now we do not medicate- though my DH is leaning more towards it. He does have a 504 for classroom accommodations to help him succeed. For him it's small things like redirection, being able to chew gum in class (he's sensory driven), time and a half for tests, seated away from the doorway and windows (too distracting), and other things along those lines. I was t able to get him the 504 until I had a diagnosis from a pediatric neurologist.

Concerns about my daughter

I just started giving her 'Tired Teddies' after dinner. A bubblegum flavored vitamin that has a child's dose of melatonin, plus chamomile and some other stuff. Only been using it a few nights but it is helping her settle down to sleep.