This feeling...

So, it happened again today. This time, it was a close friend of mine that announced she is having a baby girl. I am so happy for her- don't get me wrong, but how to you all manage that feeling when those around you are thrilled that they are expecting? Am I alone in feeling this way? I've been finding it very difficult, and I feel like a horrible person for it. Again, it's not that I'm not happy for them- I'm thrilled for them. I just don't know how to describe this feeling.

As I type this, I realize that I have remained fairly quiet on the forum. A family member told me this forum has been such an amazing support group for her, and encouraged me to join, then to make a post. It's been a difficult road so far. Although we have just heard the "infertility" word and just referred to our first RE (which has an insanely long wait!), it feels like we have been on this journey forever. There are days when I just want to all out cry, days when I get angry, and days when I try to stay positive and think "this will happen. this will be our month", but days like today hurt just a little.

Sorry for ranting!

Message edited 1/30/2016 8:22:59 AM.

This feeling...

You are definitely not alone. I just started going through this- I am going to bump a recent post where j got such good advice from the ladies on this board. I cry a lot recently, just declined a shower invite to a family member, don't want to go to my nieces christening (I can't take my in laws and they rub this baby stuff in our face- we told them what we are going through thinking they would be compassionate but it's gotten worse- hate them) and I can't even talk to a friend that is pregnant again after 2 months ago saying she never wants another kid and didn't want the first one. It makes me want to die- I hate everyone! But I lean on my DH. He's been awesome and the ladies on this board some of them have been here a long time and my heart breaks for each of them knowing some have a longer journey than others. But the best advice I got was cry, drink wine, and do things for me. So recently I did just that. Took a personal day from work, got a massage, made comfort food and sat on my couch and watch a movie and drank. I cried here and there but it felt so good to have ME time. That's truly the best advice. And while I feel like a terrible person not being happy for others and can't be around some people right now, they don't know what I am going through (many of them) nor do we want to tell anyone not our parents/ siblings right now. But I realized I have to put myself first because no one is going to have to be stronger through this process than DH and I and I need to do what's best for me, even if it makes others mad. But when is all said and done, maybe we will tell our extended family and friends one day and hopefully they can understand why we (I) made the choices we did. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, it sucks, but know your not alone and definitely come here to vent!!! These ladies give amazing advice and are so supportive. I honestly couldn't have gotten through the first few days after our follow up RE without their support !

This feeling...

Your family member became one of my closest friends bc of this board. And I have my baby bc of this board! So welcome!
I STILL can't be happy for pregnant people who didn't go through IF. It's an emotional hole - it gets smaller in time.

Which re are you seeing? Once you go and get testing done hopefully you'll have a better idea and a game plan. But congrats on taking the first step to see an re and we are here for you !!!!! Hugs

This feeling...

Thank you for bringing up the other post. Sometimes you just need to vent. My DH was fishing for the right words this morning when he woke up and saw me in tears. "Our day will come soon enough. We just need a little help"..... He tries. You are exactly right in saying we have to be the strongest people in this. I recently spoke with someone in my family that went through this about feeling like it's so hard right now maybe because we haven't seen a RE yet- we are just waiting for that appointment to come so we don't have any answers right now.

For now, as awful as I feel about it- I have to distance myself from the new baby talk for my own sanity

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Message edited 1/30/2016 11:45:16 AM.

Re: This feeling...

I'm glad you came around to posting. When I saw your post this morning, I told my friends that I was the family member of the new girl ... You're gonna love the support from everyone. It really helps.

It's gonna get a little confusing after your RE appointment with all the infertility lingo - this board w these ladies - infertility dictionary!
And of course I'm always here

May your stay here be short

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I so clearly recall being in this exact scenario. In my case there were lots of cousins who kept popping out (gosh I hate that term! ) babies, while my life kept going forward and in reverse as I needed help to get pregnant and had repeated losses.It was to the point that when they were to get pregnant, I'd end up just finding out on my own because it was expected that I just couldn't handle the news. Of course, that was even worse because from one famil event to the next, I was in a constant state of dread that I'd find out someone else was pregnant.

I think this speaks to what a great friend you are to this person that in this vent, you're admitting that you ARE happy for her, even though you're sad for yourself. I wish I had some helpful advice, but all I've got is- does she know you are struggling to get pregnant?

Admittedly in my case, the cousins knowledge of all I was going through meant crap- but I like to assume that in MOST cases, that would make someone sympathetic and sensitive to your situation.

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Posted by PennyCat

I so clearly recall being in this exact scenario. In my case there were lots of cousins who kept popping out (gosh I hate that term! ) babies, while my life kept going forward and in reverse as I needed help to get pregnant and had repeated losses.It was to the point that when they were to get pregnant, I'd end up just finding out on my own because it was expected that I just couldn't handle the news. Of course, that was even worse because from one famil event to the next, I was in a constant state of dread that I'd find out someone else was pregnant.

I think this speaks to what a great friend you are to this person that in this vent, you're admitting that you ARE happy for her, even though you're sad for yourself. I wish I had some helpful advice, but all I've got is- does she know you are struggling to get pregnant?

Admittedly in my case, the cousins knowledge of all I was going through meant crap- but I like to assume that in MOST cases, that would make someone sympathetic and sensitive to your situation.

Re: This feeling...

Posted by PhyllisNJoe



I'm glad you came around to posting. When I saw your post this morning, I told my friends that I was the family member of the new girl ... You're gonna love the support from everyone. It really helps.

It's gonna get a little confusing after your RE appointment with all the infertility lingo - this board w these ladies - infertility dictionary!
And of course I'm always here

May your stay here be short

Re: This feeling...

This feeling...

IF is hard. I finally have a son after lots of IF procedures and I still can't deal with people who get pregnant without even trying. I put on my best I'm happy for you face and keep it moving. Its an emotional rollercoater but keep your eye on the goal. These ladies on this board taught me so much and I owe so much to them. This whole process will change you but I can honestly say I'm a better person and mother because of it. Hang in there.

Message edited 1/30/2016 9:50:20 PM.

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I just wanted to send hugs. I wanted to also say that going through IF and I think your feelings are totally normal and understandable. I now have a DD and it still pains me to see and hear about announcements. I'm hoping your stay is short!

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you have every right to feel the way you do. you are happy for the person, but sad/mad/angry/ whatever at your own situation.

two weeks ago when my IVF went to hell, I still had to find a way to go on with my day. Dh said to me it was like when he lost his dad (as a kid)..' life still went on. He didnt want life to keep going like nothing happened while everyone was moving on. "

its like you're life is here in the same spot, and everyone else gets to move on. It F**king sucks.

I know I am fortunate and I do have a DS. I get it. I have no idea how couples go through this and wind up with nothing. I don't know what I would do. but that doesn't mean I cant want for another.

I get so angry some days b/c I know others who arent as healthy, who smoke, did drugs, overweight, and they all get pregnant no problem. Here I am..i never did any of that, exercise, herbal supplements, blah blah blah..and for what?? So I can be told I have ****** eggs. Ughh. Like why me??


I think these are totally normally feelings to have and are par for the course when dealing with IVF.

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You're not alone. I've been TTC for 3 years. I've done one IVF so far, transferred 1 fresh embryo, then 2 frozens and so far nothing. I'm pissed that I have to go through this.

Like Peainapod, DH and I also try so hard to be healthy. We are slim, exercise regularly, are into super healthy eating, don't spoke, never smoked, rarely drink and yet we have unexplained IF. All of our #s are great. My RE was pleased with my # of eggs retrieved and # of embryos as a result of IVF. Yet so far we implanted half of them and nothing. I don't get it. In the 3 years that we've been TTC, people have gotten married, and now have their babies. We started TTC before them and still nothing. Meanwhile some of these women who beat me to pregnancy are even older than me and way older than I was 3 years ago. Yet getting pg is so effortless for them. I don't get it.

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^^ughh...its sucks.

today is my birthday. im 37 and down in the dumps. and today I had to take DS to mass this morning for Catholic Schools week at school. I usually go to saturday mass when there seems to be less kids from school.

I cant tell you how many moms, even older moms probably around my age, who had newborns / infants. It was like suddenly I was surrounded by them. They all have like 2 and 3 kids, and then babies. Im looking around just thinking WTF?? and honestly I dont know anyone's story or if they struggled, etc.
The woman one row in front had a boy not even a year old and was like 7 months pregnant with another.
the girl behind me I've seen a few times at school events and at the time of the xmas parade she had just had her 3rd. and I heard her say "oh I would have so many more babies if they were all as good as this one.." Ughh..i guess its easy for her.

I just will NEVER understand WHY. Why do crack whores have 5, 6, tons of babies, babies get dumped in garbage cans, etc. WHY??

.. rant over. Sorry :(

Message edited 1/31/2016 8:41:55 PM.

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you are most certainly in the right place to discuss your feelings. There are no better group of women who really, truly understands what you're feeling. I'm so sorry you're on this board, I wish you a short stay.

I'm friends with the best bunch of ladies on here,they keep me sane. I had the same freak out moment a few days ago when I saw this pregnant girl at the gym. The only ones I told are the girls I met on here. There are going to be great days and not so great days.

Angela

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It's very hard. I have 3 kids now and I still feel pangs when people say infertility. It always stays with you.

What you wrote reminded me of the first time I went to the RE. We had been trying for over a year and my GYN recommended to see an RE. When I called, the secretary was like ok, you're here to see a dr about infertility. I was like wha? No? We're just having a little trouble and she was like that's infertility. That word hit me very hard for some reason. I cried a lot that night.

It's so hard when you get all those announcements. Yes, of course you are happy for your loved ones but it just reminds you more and more of how much you are struggling. I dreaded all functions, especially baby showers. I remember when my best friend had her 2nd baby. I went to the hospital and held her and I didn't reach the elevator to make it outside yet and I was bawling. I was crying so much when I got to the lobby that they must've thought someone died because a nurse came over and asked if I needed to speak to a grief counselor!!!

This board is an amazing resource. Hope your stay is here is very short!!!!

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when DH and I were going over with the nurse the papers for the IVF cycle, and she asked me "how long have you been infertile..??"

i was like what?? No one has found anything wrong with me to say im "infertitle." because even after all their tests they tell me my parts are working, my levels are that of a younger person, yada yada. So I never thought i was "infertile." I was really taken back by the way she phrased that. Dh and I looked at each other with this puzzled look.

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You ladies are amazing. Thank you all for sharing your stories with me... I had no idea this post had so many comments until I logged on this morning!

Peaninapod hit the nail on the head... "its like you're life is here in the same spot, and everyone else gets to move on. It F**king sucks" That is exactly it!

Re: This feeling...

Posted by Hope2009

you are most certainly in the right place to discuss your feelings. There are no better group of women who really, truly understands what you're feeling. I'm so sorry you're on this board, I wish you a short stay.

I'm friends with the best bunch of ladies on here,they keep me sane. I had the same freak out moment a few days ago when I saw this pregnant girl at the gym. The only ones I told are the girls I met on here. There are going to be great days and not so great days.

Angela

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