Transfer failed- emotional

I had a FET almost 2 weeks ago. We transferred 2 good quality blasts. On Saturday I got my BFN.

I've been so emotional since but mostly I feel guilt. I had to go to work the day after the FET so I did. I commute by subway but I figured it was ok since my job is sedentary. The day after that (2 days after FET) I rested all day. Day after that was the snow storm so I rested and cooked dinner. My RE said no gym for 3 days only. So I abstained for 3 days. Once I was free, I went to the gym and did light cardio for 10 minutes plus toning.

Now I regret so much. Not taking a cab to work the day after, going to the gym at all, cooking on Saturday. At the time my thought process was "people who run marathons get pg, people who cook get pg, commuting doesn't cause IF, etc."

Just needed to vent..

Transfer failed- emotional

Don't feel guilty!!!! My dr said there is no research to support rest in fact some doctors recommend regular activity. When we did IVF & 2 FETs to have my DD I rested after each one took it easy etc & we were not successful until the 2nd FET. Over the summer we did another FET I chased around my DD right after transfer, picked her up, etc & it worked to our surprise. Point being there's little control we have over this process unfortunately!! Wishing you lots of luck moving forward

Transfer failed- emotional

Do not beat yourself up!!! A good quality blast does not mean it will stick there are so many factors that can be at play that caused the failure. When my first IVF failed I was devastated it was a hatching blast that even the RE said yeah lets only transfer one since this will stick and it didnt. Do you have any frosties left?

Re: Transfer failed- emotional

Nothing you did caused your transfer to fail. I had my first transfer on Friday and my doctor said I could get up in a few minutes and resume normal activities. It would either implant or it won't. I rested the day of, but the next day I cooked and cleaned and resumed my normal activities. I just got back from a walk. If I sat still for two weeks I would make myself crazy. If it doesn't work for me, it's most likely from my immune issues and not from anything I'm doing during the 2 week wait. I'm terrified of taking the pregnancy test next week. It's such an emotional roller coaster. I'm very sorry your transfer failed. please don't blame yourself!

Re: Transfer failed- emotional

Re: Transfer failed- emotional

Re: Transfer failed- emotional

Posted by IUIGirl

Posted by Wishes1111

Don't feel guilty!!!! My dr said there is no research to support rest in fact some doctors recommend regular activity. When we did IVF & 2 FETs to have my DD I rested after each one took it easy etc & we were not successful until the 2nd FET. Over the summer we did another FET I chased around my DD right after transfer, picked her up, etc & it worked to our surprise. Point being there's little control we have over this process unfortunately!! Wishing you lots of luck moving forward

I agree with this - my RE specifically encourages normal activity after transfer and not to lay down and rest. Please don't blame yourself, it's such a hit or miss process. I'm so sorry it didn't work this time . I'm terrified of this for when we do our FET this month. IF sucks! Prayers that you get your BFP this next time. Did they say when you can try another one?

Message edited 2/1/2016 10:38:11 AM.

Re: Transfer failed- emotional

Posted by Joann

Posted by IUIGirl

Posted by Wishes1111

Don't feel guilty!!!! My dr said there is no research to support rest in fact some doctors recommend regular activity. When we did IVF & 2 FETs to have my DD I rested after each one took it easy etc & we were not successful until the 2nd FET. Over the summer we did another FET I chased around my DD right after transfer, picked her up, etc & it worked to our surprise. Point being there's little control we have over this process unfortunately!! Wishing you lots of luck moving forward

I agree with this - my RE specifically encourages normal activity after transfer and not to lay down and rest. Please don't blame yourself, it's such a hit or miss process. I'm so sorry it didn't work this time . I'm terrified of this for when we do our FET this month. IF sucks! Prayers that you get your BFP this next time. Did they say when you can try another one?

Thanks for the kind words. I didnt meet with my RE yet. I'm going to wait until March or April. February may be out as this is already CD 2 for me. I did a natural FET so I don't think there are many restrictions on when I can start the next on.

Re: Transfer failed- emotional

Many hugs!!!!! I agree with everyone. Try to go easy on yourself!

Re: Transfer failed- emotional

YOU didn't do anything wrong. I had a failed IVF 4 years ago and it's easy to think about what you could've done wrong. But the reality is that just wasn't meant to be. for your next cycle.

Re: Transfer failed- emotional

I am so, so sorry to hear about your failed transfer. It is super emotional, but you should not feel guilty. Traveling to work the day after the transfer shouldn't have done anything to the embryo.
Not only is there no evidence supporting that rest will help with implantation, they are starting to tell people to return to their normal routines faster than they used to. Research is now supporting that walking and light activity are good for implantation because it keeps your blood flowing.
I hope your meeting with your RE provides you with some answers.

Re: Transfer failed- emotional

sorry its so hard not to think about the what ifs...there are sooo many what ifs in IF! The 2ww after a transfer is such a stressful time for most of us. I agree with everyone above that its nothing that you did wrong.

Transfer failed- emotional

Thanks for all the kind words and support. This is such a great board.

Transfer failed- emotional

So sorry to hear that.. i feel your pain.. After each of my two failed transfers I had all of the what if feelings. After meeting with my RE he assured me that it was nothing I did wrong, although at first it didn't make me feel much better, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it just wasn't the right embryo...

Re: Transfer failed- emotional

Do not beat yourself up. none of those things would have changed anything. I went to work the sunday after my first transfer. I drive 60miles a day between work and school drop off. I have a desk job.
I was told I had a good quality embie. and yet it didnt work.

did you do PGS? b/c unless you are testing those embryos they can only tell so much from the surface.

Im very sorry. I know the feeling of defeat and feeling like a failure. Hugs!!

Transfer failed- emotional

So sorry cry it out and remember it's nothing you did. Like the others don't bear yourself up.

Transfer failed- emotional

So sorry. You did nothing wrong. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. Hopefully your next FET will be the one!

Re: Transfer failed- emotional

Transfer failed- emotional

Sending you hugs.