Another boy

I want to say first that I KNOW I should be incredibly happy and thankful that I can even have children and get pregnant fairly easily. I also know i should be over the moon that I have an incredible healthy and beautiful son and now another one on the way...

I feel like I cant talk to anyone IRL because I know I sound ungrateful and petty...I feel like I am this terrible awful mother for feeling this way and I absolutely hate myself for it.

Yesterday we went for our 13 week NT scan - the doctor told us we are having another boy, she was 90% sure, VERY sure. She has obviously been doing this for a very long time, and said she is really never wrong.

In the moment that she said boy, I felt my heart drop to my stomach. I am sooo over the moon in love with my son that I feel like I am so fulfilled in that way - but I have always wanted a daughter too and I've always felt like I was meant to have a daughter, and this time around, I felt so sure that it was a girl.

I dont know why, but I feel like I am mourning the loss of a daughter I never even had - and I am so upset that I may never have a daughter and share the bond that I have with my own mother. I have literally went into the bathroom multiple times to cry by myself, like WTF is wrong with me???

Has anyone ever felt this way or I am I just a god awful person? If you only have sons, did you ever yearn for a daughter and did it go away over time?

Thank you if you made it this far...

Re: Another boy

Aww don't beat yourself up!! I'm pregnant with my first and we tried for quite some time to conceive and I know I would've been a little disappointed if we were having a boy. It's not like you're going to love this baby any less than if he were a girl, but you have to let yourself feel the way you're going to feel. Also, as time goes on you're going to start thinking about what it actually means to have a second boy- the brotherly bond your sons are going to have. I see my DH and his brother together and that's unshakable. It's going to be amazing having them grow up together. And if you're so blessed with a third who turns out to be a girl, she's going to have DOUBLE the protection from her big brothers!

Re: Another boy

hey there!

I have been down this road. i have 2 boys and when I found out that my 2nd and final child was a boy.. i was DISTRAUGHT! i couldnt stop crying and wondering how will I love this boy the same way I love my my ods??!!! well, after my 16wk appt, I was told every week thereafter that my baby may not make and if he did that he would have cerabal palsey. That put everything to perspective for me, my focus shifted from worrying about a second DS to just need to make it to end and deliver a healthy baby.

Today, he is 3.5yrs old and as healthy as can be! he is the absolutely light of our lives and we could not imagine being on this earth without him

You need time to process this information and im sure you will LOVE this baby with all of your heart.

p.s. 13weeks is TOO soon for any experienced dr to tell you the gender from a sono.

Another boy

I think what you're feeling is normal.

Don't beat yourself up

Re: Another boy

Posted by njbound07

hey there!

I have been down this road. i have 2 boys and when I found out that my 2nd and final child was a boy.. i was DISTRAUGHT! i couldnt stop crying and wondering how will I love this boy the same way I love my my ods??!!! well, after my 16wk appt, I was told every week thereafter that my baby may not make and if he did that he would have cerabal palsey. That put everything to perspective for me, my focus shifted from worrying about a second DS to just need to make it to end and deliver a healthy baby.

Today, he is 3.5yrs old and as healthy as can be! he is the absolutely light of our lives and we could not imagine being on this earth without him

You need time to process this information and im sure you will LOVE this baby with all of your heart.

p.s. 13weeks is TOO soon for any experienced dr to tell you the gender from a sono.

Re: Another boy

I am having a boy and am very excited for him but I feel the same way that I have always seen myself with a daughter. I think alot of women do. You can always try again and use the shelletes method. In the mean time be happy that your son will have a brother. That will be a great bond for them to have .

Re: Another boy

Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way. I think it's normal. When I was pregnant with DS and we found out he was a boy, I was slightly disappointed. I felt horrible for feeling that way - he was healthy, I was healthy, I knew that those things were blessings. It took me a few days to let it sink in that I was going to be a boy mommy, but once it did I was thrilled.

Now, almost 7 years later, I'm pregnant again. This time, because I already have my little boy and I've always wanted a girl, I find myself really praying that we get blessed with a daughter. I know that either way as long as he/she is healthy we will be so happy and thankful. But I also know that there will be a smidge of disappointment if it's a boy. Not the kind of disappointment where you cant get past it, but just the initial heart sink. Both DH and I come from families with one boy, one girl...and we loved that dynamic. But I have to say...if we were to have another boy, DS would be so thrilled to have a brother finally. As much as I would love a girl, thinking about the bond that DS will have with his brother makes the thought of not having a daughter not quite as disappointing.

Re: Another boy

I totally get where you are coming from. I have 2 boys and found out today we are having our third boy. I'm so excited for my boys to have a brother, but at the same time I'm very sad I'll never get to experience having a daughter. I was a girly girl, into dance and gymnastics and princesses etc and I had so looked forward to sharing that with my girl one day. Alas, it's not to be. We're not trying again

I went through this when we had DS2 as well. Over time, it will pass and you'll just be excited. And let me tell you, the bond between my boys is amazing. They are adorable together and I love that they share the same interests in cars and dinos etc.

Re: Another boy

I think it's a normal feeling I'm having number 3. At first I felt sad since I will not have a girl, but now I'm really thrilled this baby will have his big brothers to bond with. The dynamic between my 2 boys is amazing, so to have another one in the mix is actually a huge relief to me. Watching my first 2 boys constantly playing together, talking, and laughing makes me one happy Mom. DH and the boys also have a very special bond and love to do things together, makes my life pretty easy

The feeling of wanting to experience the opposite gender, may not go away. But once you meet that little baby, it doesn't really matter

Message edited 3/11/2016 2:49:45 PM.

Re: Another boy

BTDT. Don't feel bad.

I had decided early on we wouldn't find out the sex of DC2 because I felt like if I knew it was a boy ahead of time, I would be distraught. Unhealthily distraught. I figured if I waited and had a boy, I wouldn't care once I saw that little face. I was very wrong. I was so, so convinced that DS2 was a girl. I can't even articulate how disappointed I was when I heard "it's a boy!". As much as I loved him immediately and was so thrilled, I cried quite a bit in the next few weeks knowing I would never have a girl. I am such a girly girl; I just could not believe God would put me on this earth to be a boy mom.

Since he was born, I think almost as a coping mechanism, I started to notice and essentially focus on how annoying girls are, how difficult they can be to raise and how expensive they are. I would frequently think "Oh thank God I won't have to deal with that" when I would see things with teen girls on social media, college sex assaults, the drama that comes along with girls, paying for dresses, shoes, sweet 16's, weddings, etc. I actually got myself to a point where I was grateful I only have boys.

And then I got the shock of my life and am pregnant with #3. Everyone keeps saying "you are getting your girl!" but the God's honest truth is I really don't care what it is. I'm okay with whatever I get this time.

Re: Another boy

I cant thank you all enough for offering your experiences and making me feel like I'm not alone in feeling this way. It's really helped me cope today, lol.

Re: Another boy

You're not alone! I have been in your shoes! Today, I have 3 loving boys and enjoying every second of it. I wish time would slow down because it's going too fast! The bond the boys have is adorable and I love catching them all sleeping in the same bed!

Sure a girl would have been nice but it just wasn't the way our family was meant to be. My sons are true momma boys and I receive compliments on them everywhere we go. I'm blessed with 2 nieces and get to spoil them. So in the end, I stopped mourning what I didn't have and cherish what I do. It will happen for you overtime. Don't be too hard on yourself!

Re: Another boy

I have 2 girls... and when we found out my second was a girl my response was oh.. wow. I thought for SURE she was a boy.. and my husband wants a boy in the worst way. His response was "I knew it" The sono tech was prob like wow these people suck. lol. On the way home I cried because I always saw myself with a boy and its quite possible that it wont happen. It sounds terrible, and I felt AWFUL.. but my 2 girls are best friends.. They LOVE each other and its so freakin cute.. I couldnt imagine it another way! Its ok!

Re: Another boy

Posted by Jacquelina

Posted by njbound07

hey there!

I have been down this road. i have 2 boys and when I found out that my 2nd and final child was a boy.. i was DISTRAUGHT! i couldnt stop crying and wondering how will I love this boy the same way I love my my ods??!!! well, after my 16wk appt, I was told every week thereafter that my baby may not make and if he did that he would have cerabal palsey. That put everything to perspective for me, my focus shifted from worrying about a second DS to just need to make it to end and deliver a healthy baby.

Today, he is 3.5yrs old and as healthy as can be! he is the absolutely light of our lives and we could not imagine being on this earth without him

You need time to process this information and im sure you will LOVE this baby with all of your heart.

p.s. 13weeks is TOO soon for any experienced dr to tell you the gender from a sono.

Thank you for this - It really does put everything into perspective and I am so happy to hear he is healthy and thriving!

I think a part of me is just sad - but these frickin hormones are making it so much worse! lol

But thank you :)