Vent

Please please don't judge me, I know this is going to sound awful and the hormones don't help but when we found out we were pregnant and an IUI worked I was thrilled, beyond thrilled. I knew there were 2 eggs when they did the IUI but in my mind what was the odds of both sticking? Especially since in January I was told IVF was the only way to go. So for the past week I have bonded with one baby, fallen in love with one baby and my life felt complete. Financially, we can have 1 baby, I can make it work, and then yesterday- twins. I was NOT prepared for twins, at all, but then I felt excited, scared and everything else, and then that wore off and now I just feel sadness. I don't want 2 and that is literally KILLING ME. I mean who in their right mind that went through infertility gets pregnant the first time with TWO wouldn't be grateful? I just can't seem to wrap my head around 2. DH is thrilled and I know on the inside he's scared but he's being so strong and supportive and here I am hating the idea of 2, to the point where I want to be sick. I just can't believe I feel this way. I have got to be THE WORSE human being on the planet.
Anyone have advice? I really want to enjoy this pregnancy, especially having twins this will be the ONLY pregnancy. Not to mention the expectations I had- having a natural birth, breast feeding, all went out the window (and I know that's just a stigma in society but I have to be realistic that many times twins are born c-section) I want to bond with the babies and love them both and be thrilled. I'm sure the shock and the hormones aren't doing me any good but does anyone have any advice? Or know of any places that offer support especially for twin moms?

Message edited 6/10/2016 5:59:16 AM.

Re: Vent

You have been through a lot emotionally, give yourself a break! You are not horrible for feeling the way you do. You are shocked and overwhelmed right now.

I don't have any experience with twins myself, but it sounds like you are assuming all of these difficult things will happen in the future -- c section, just one pregnancy, hardship. Maybe things could work out better than you think. I know people who delivered twins naturally, who BFed, etc. my friends with twins say the first six months are rough, but now they all love having two who are best friends for life.

Besides, in pregnancy and parenthood too, you never know what will happen and you realize just how little control we really have. In my experience, it's best to try to go with it and take it day by day. Maybe post on the multiples board too?

Re: Vent

I don't have any advice on twins but wanted to send hugs

Vent

Dont be so hard on yourself..you're allowed to feel how you do. Not exactly the same but I felt similarly when I found out I was pregnant earlier this year. My DS wasn't even one at the time and I was not prepared for another at this time. I had and the same concerns( breastfeeding, repeat cs bc they are so close, just being a crazy women in general lol). I just tried to focus on all the positives. Think of the bond they will share, they'll be BEST friends. Share all the same memories, activities, and you. And once they are born you'll feel connected to BOTH equally. Honestly, don't dwell on everything that can go wrong it won't do you any good. Try your best to embrace the curve ball you were thrown. It will be crazy, you won't sleep, there will be really tough days and really amazing days but in a blink of an eye these two little babies will grow up and you have two children, two teens and two adults and double set of grandkids to share a wonderful lifetime of experiences with! Then you'll really treasure the memories of them both as babies and it won't matter how they were born or of you BF or FF and the sleepless nights will be a thing of the past. Think long term. The beginning will be hard but it's only a few years in an entire lifetime. You'll figure it out, everyone does!

Re: Vent

Posted by Chai77

You have been through a lot emotionally, give yourself a break! You are not horrible for feeling the way you do. You are shocked and overwhelmed right now.

I don't have any experience with twins myself, but it sounds like you are assuming all of these difficult things will happen in the future -- c section, just one pregnancy, hardship. Maybe things could work out better than you think. I know people who delivered twins naturally, who BFed, etc. my friends with twins say the first six months are rough, but now they all love having two who are best friends for life.

Besides, in pregnancy and parenthood too, you never know what will happen and you realize just how little control we really have. In my experience, it's best to try to go with it and take it day by day. Maybe post on the multiples board too?

Re: Vent

I don't have any twin experience, but I do have experience with conflicting emotions during pregnancy. I'm going through it now with my third. There are days when I think, oh my god, what have I done? And I think there is no way I will be able to handle three and that I should have stopped at two.

Feelings are feelings, neither right nor wrong. So don't beat yourself up over it. It's all so fresh for you that I think you need more time to process. I'm sure many people who find out they're having multiples unexpectedly go through the same thing. I second the pp suggestion to try posting on the multiples board not just about your feelings, but finding someone to talk to about it.

Good luck!

Re: Vent

Aw, give yourself some time to get used to the idea of twins. You've only had a few days to get used to the idea of being pregnant. And you've only had a few HOURS to get used to the idea of twins, and that's overwhelming for anyone.

I don't have twins, but I'll tell you this, no matter what, once you see your babies you will LOVE them more than you ever thought possible and will never again be able to imagine your life without BOTH of them in it.

As for your concerns about BFing, c-sections, etc. No matter how many babies you have, you can't prepare for that anyway, and you really don't know how things will go. My first was breech so I needed a c-section. I was heartbroken when I found out, but you know what? The cord was wrapped 3 times tightly around his neck and having that c-section saved his life. I didn't feel like I missed out on anything because of it. And I had plans of BFing him, but he wasn't gaining weight, my boobs hurts and I was EXHAUSTED. Once I gave him a bottle, he gained weight, my boobs were my own again, and other people could help feed him. All plans went out the window and "life" took over...and it all worked out.

Also, a little piece of unsolicited advice. Pregnancy is a really long time. You have plenty of time to prepare for the babies. I noticed you asking for a list of must-haves for twins. Just take a deep breath and literally spend the next few MONTHS just enjoying the idea of becoming a mommy. It feels overwhelming, but you have more than enough time to worry about which stroller to buy or how many onesies you'll need. I promise!

Vent

I read each and every one of your responses and FMs. I want to thank you all so much for the advice and support. I will definitely take everyone's advice and suggestions and experiences. It helps to know I'm not alone in how I feel and that others even with 1 child have felt the same. I know that no matter what, 1 baby or 2, life and expectations of pregnancy may not always be what the reality is and I will try and keep that in the back of my head. I am going to try and look at the positives of twins and maybe find some books on twins. I also plan to make an appointment next week with the counselor at the fertility clinic to talk about how I am feeling. I don't want to suffer my entire pregnancy and i certainly don't want to become depressed.
Thank you all so so so much for the advice and support, it truly means a lot

Vent

I'm trying to keep up a positive attitude, it's been a long morning of crying. And then I realized, I don't know what life with twins will be like, I don't know what life with 1 would be like because right now, I don't have any children. I had some diaper coupons and wipe coupons I planned to use for a things for an upcoming shower but decided to use them on myself. I kept panicking but realized I've never even bought diapers, so how would I really know the cost. And while there will be 100s of other costs, diapers are one of them. I went to target, they have a sale on diapers and such I bought 2 cases of large diapers and a box of 600 wipes. I used my coupons, target cartwheel and I spent $59 for all 3 and got a $10 gift card back. I used the card towards a book for the babies and a frame for their first ultra sound, and of coarse got my self some July 4th decor! And to be honest, I feel much better, better knowing that even if it was $59 a week for diapers and wipes, I can afford that, I can deal with that. Life didn't end at the register. Im sure it's going to be a long road and accepting twins may be up and down but I know I have the support of all of you and especially DH and my family.

Vent

My story is a little different but I can relate to how you feel. I found out I was pregnant with #2 when my DS was only 6 months old. I didn't handle it well at all. I cried. A lot. And I was a nervous wreck. How was I going to handle 2 kids 14 months apart?? I was sick to my stomach. It came in waves through my whole pregnancy. I would go from acceptance to complete panic. But you know what. We got through it and now I would never want it any other way. If I could do it all over again I would have had them that close again. Was it easy? Not at all but they are the best of friends now and would be lost without each other. My sister has twins and says their bond is amazing and she loves having twins. You will be ok and you will love both of those babies with all of your heart. It's just hard when you are given something you weren't planning on.

And btw Target diapers are the best and so much cheaper. You can do this. I now have 3 children 3.5 and under and its nuts and amazing all at the same time!!

Re: Vent

With even ONE baby, there's no guarantee of a natural delivery or that breastfeeding will be easy.... For what it's worth, I know lots of people who breastfed successfully with twins There's no reason whatsoever that having twins makes that not possible- and as for it being harder? Eh. Fewer bottles to clean

Re: Vent

Don't be so hard on yourself!

Everything is going to be fine!
You can one hundred percent bf twins,and a you can have a vaginal birth

Being a twin mom of course has its challenges but it also has many perks

Once the shock wears off things will feel different but I like the idea that you are going to talk to someone

It will all fall into place and trust me when I say you can do it. My dh and I did it on our own for almost 4 yrs now and he works so I'm alone a lot. You will be amazed at what you can handle and handle well

You will love two. You will bond with two. You will raise two. And do it wonderfully

Everything you are feeling is normal. And everything doesn't have to be perfect and roses 24/7. But don't let the fear overtake it all. It's ok to be scared. And worried. But let in the happy too. The kicks. The movement. The pure amazing feeling of being pregnant

If you ever need anything please let me know!

Re: Vent

Message edited 7/22/2016 6:23:46 AM.

Re: Vent

Don't beat yourself up. It is very overwhelming (I don't mean the twins, I mean finding out your entire life is going to change-lol).

We did IVF and put back 2 embryos so we obviously knew twins were a very real possibility. Even still, we were shocked. DH especially. He completely freaked out. Was like we can't afford two babies, our car is too small (which it was). All he kept telling the dr was how am I gonna fit 2 car seats (we had a 2 door car at the time).

My OB would have let me try natural if they were both head down but my 2nd wound up being transverse so that was out. C section it was. And I breastfed my twins so it is possible! Of course I supplemented with formula bc I was super exhausted and was like I can't have 2 kids latched to my boobs day and night.

Don't be hard on yourself. I always had the mindset well I'll try it and see and if it doesn't work out formula is ok too. I also have an extremely supportive DH who was so great at reassuring me.

Over time and especially once you feel them move it is so amazing. I still miss that feeling. Hang in there! Post on the multiples board too. I got a lot of great advice there.