Help with my 3 year old son( long)

Hey everyone! I could use some parenting advice. My son is 3 1/2, he just started nursery school in September two days a week, half days. Hes never been in daycare nor around many children and I stay home with him...The issue is his teacher is always complaining to me about his behavior and Ive tried everything and Iam unsure what to do. So, she started off saying that he totally ignores them, doesn't listen, she thought he wasn't hearing them. So, I took him to pediatrician to get his ears checked in case of infection or something. He was fine, dr (who i love) said he has a case of the 3 year olds. That he has a girl the same age and to just reward him when he listens well. Now, I was a teacher before I had him, so I was excited to reinforce his good behavior and told him when he does good listening at school he can have a piece of chocolate or watch a movie or go to dinner with Mommy. So usually he does good for a day or so in school and then the teacher is back telling me he didn't listen today. She said hes super busy and just wont stop playing or like today she said he wouldn't put his coat on. So he was sitting on the rug alone and she told me to deal with him. Now is she overreacting a bit or? I know she has 20 kids to deal with so I want her to be on top of them all but Im unsure if its a bit too much. Dont get me wrong, he misbehaves at home, usually by not listening like i will say time to put your shoes on and he will say no wait im doing something im busy fixing something and time outs work at home. lol but i also enrolled him in soccer and hes the best listener there! So, i decided to get him evaluated, and while i dont think anything severe is going on, (neither does teacher, she said hes immature and needs more discipline) i didn't want to be in denial either. He didn't do great on his expressive language but since he did so well on everything else, we are unsure still if he will qualify for anything, we will find out next month. I also thought maybe an auditory processing issue but it didn't seem to be that, So, in the meantime what do I do? Im like a nervous wreck every time i walk through the school doors. He is the only child still, so Im sure hes a bit spoiled and hes smart so I think sometimes that doesn't help lol. For example he threw a tantrum because i drove the wrong way to grandmas house. Sorry for the long post, but you guys were amazing when i had questions when he was a newborn so I thought I would ask here! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Help with my 3 year old son( long)

First off, the teacher needs to be helping you help him. She needs to positive reinforce in school as well as you at home. Doesn't sound like she's doing a great and wants you to do it all, but then why put him in school. He is 3 and that's tough age and my 3 yr old ignores me too. She throws tantrums, whines, etc etc.

Re: Help with my 3 year old son( long)

Sounds like a typical 3 year old to me. I have a DS who just turned 3 in October (as well a 5yo and 5 month old). My 3yo is a nightmare with listening, throwing toys, screaming about dumb things like his cereal bar broke in half.

I would not be thrilled with that teacher. Sounds like she's not making much of an effort. Are you able to look into a different program?

Help with my 3 year old son( long)

The teacher needs to chill. Your son is 3. What does she expect??? My DS was a monster at 3, now he's 4 and is much better but still has his days.
And I agree with the PP, SHE should be doing something to reinforce good behavior also. It's not all up to you. I wouldn't be too concerned.

Help with my 3 year old son( long)

IMO there is only so much the teacher can do since he is only there 2 half days. If he was there full time I would agree with others that she should be doing more. At home I would not reward good listening so much. When my ds doesn't listen he get punished. The punishment varies based on the bad behavior. I also think if this is his first school setting the. He probably has no idea how to behave. He just hasn't learned it yet because it's new. At home when he is the only one not listening etc isn't as disruptive as when a teacher is trying to wrangle a bunch of 3 year olds. I would just be tough at home and have talks with him about listening. At 3.5 I could sit and explain why it's bad behavior to my ds and he would understand. Simple terms but they still get it.

Help with my 3 year old son( long)

I think part of it may be that he hadn't been in a setting like this before.

Help with my 3 year old son( long)

I think it's new to him and he just needs to adjust. This teacher sounds very impatient and if she has an issue with 3 year olds perhaps she shouldn't be teaching them.

I'd give it a couple more weeks and if nothing changes I would find a different program.

Re: Help with my 3 year old son( long)

Thanks everyone for your replies so far. That is exactly what I thought, that hes adjusting to a new setting and he doesn't know the rules. Maybe I should go observe one day to see whats going on. Shes older, her daughter is my age. Its supposed to be one of the best schools and I love what and how they are teaching them but its hard going in there twice a week and only hearing negative. Hes a sweet boy, he told me today he wants his teacher to come here for Christmas. lol

Re: Help with my 3 year old son( long)

I agree with what others said. My question is ; is there only one teacher in the room? 20 kids is a lot for one person to handle

Re: Help with my 3 year old son( long)

Re: Help with my 3 year old son( long)

To play devil's advocate... she does teach 20 kids... all the same age group and probably has been doing this for more than a year. Yours may be more rowdy than the rest & he's never been in that setting.

Reminds me of my son. He was my first (spoiled by us all) and a September birthday, so on the younger side of everything. His tantrums were epic in nature. I wish, in retrospect, that I put him in 5 days a week half days. Only reason we didn't was Grandma watched him 2 days a week at her home (so he was in school plus babysitter 3 days). He had a tough time in K too and is only in 1st grade coming into his own. He is very smart (objectively... as they test non stop and we are in a crazy district), but is immature and "stubborn."

With my second, I did school half day 5 days and I think the consistency is very important. It's hard because it cost extra (and I had to pay a sitter anyway)... but if the problem persists, it's worth considering.

On the bright side, she's calling attention to it early and you are listening to her. Positive reinforcement does work (we did it in K), but it took a long time and it's hard to do without consistency in schedule.

And... to add... my DS did the not listening/ignoring thing too. The answer to that is to tell them once and do a quick punishment (1 minute) for not listening the first time. This takes a long time to work on.

Message edited 12/21/2016 6:38:21 AM.

Re: Help with my 3 year old son( long)

Thank you, that was very helpful!!!

Re: Help with my 3 year old son( long)

20 kids a very large class for 3 year olds. Especially for a child who has not been in a school environment before. Sounds like he is having a hard time adjusting to this school and the teacher isn't patient enough. I'd look at another program with a smaller class size.

Re: Help with my 3 year old son( long)

Are the other kids there longer/more days a week? I know with my almost 4-yo, his class went from 8 to 14 this year (2 teachers) and it took a long time for the kids to adjust to such a big class. And this is a daycare setting where the kids are there 10+ hours a day, 5 days a week.

I personally think he just hasn't adjusted yet.

Do the teachers give him time out if he's not listening? A green-yellow-red system also worked really well in my son's class.

Help with my 3 year old son( long)

I think the exact number of kids is 20 and she has 3 assistants but when I taught I had like 8 kids with an assistant so I know she has her hands full. Everyone in that specific class is only there twice a week for 2 hours I believe. They don't behavior systems, the only thing they are allowed to do is sit down and talk to them if they aren't listening...

Help with my 3 year old son( long)

My son was the exact same way and still to this day, has his good and bad days. He is 3.5 years old. We ended up switching his school because his old teacher would complain everyday. I would come home and cry because i was super stressed out. Thats how sad i was. We also had an auditory test done at LIJ in New Hyde Park. That came back negative. Long story short, we switched his school and have seen a world of a difference. The teachers are compassionate and actually care about my son. My son loves going to school now and actually wants to please his teachers. That never happened prior. I could go on and on about what we went through. If you have any specific questions, feel free to pm me.

Re: Help with my 3 year old son( long)

My advice is to switch schools. 20 kids in a 3s class is way too much and the teachers expectations are insane. There's nothing wrong with your son and there's everything wrong with that teacher and school.