Please don't judge

Am I an awful mother? My twins are 2 weeks old and have only been home a few days and I would rather go back to work. I can't stand the constant crying, 3 hour schedule by the time they are both fed and diapered it's time to do it all over again. I never get to just hold one or play with them. As soon as I get them down I toss in a load of laundry or start washing/ sanitizing bottles or I pump following feedings for 30 min. I have barely slept. DH has been a beyond amazing dad and husband and has done more than I have I feel like and tomorrow he goes back to work my mom is home and willing to help as much as I want her around but part of me just wants to sleep for a day and then go back to my old life... work, coming and go when I want, napping whatever it may be. We tried for so long and spent so much money on fertility treatments and here I am questioning if I did the right thing.... please tell me it gets better and it's just the hormones I'm so miserable

Message edited 1/25/2017 9:35:50 PM.

Re: Please don't judge

It's the hormones and it's tiring (and I didn't have twins)!
You will get through it. My ped advised that I let hubby do a 2 feed shift early in the night so that I would get some time to myself and to sleep. It was great advice!!!
You will start to enjoy it more at the 8 week mark (sorry!)... or at least that was for me.

Please don't judge

i didnt have twins, so that is a whole other level, but...

it gets better!

the beginning is crazy! you are adjusting to your new life, new schedule, your body is healing, your mind is healing, the babies are adjusting to life outside the womb.

I used to go out in the first 2 or 3 months and look at people on the street with no children and hate them so much because they were "free".

it gets better.

set your expectations low and take every bit of help you can get, especially with twins.

have you left the house? if not, do it! no matter how hard it is, even if it takes longer to get ready to leave than the time you are actually out of the house. just drive to the dunkin drive thru. get out

it will be ok :)

Re: Please don't judge

It will get better! So crazy in the beginning with just one baby, I can't imagine how much more difficult it must be with two! That cycle of feeding feels so crazy in the beginning. How come you are pumping so early on? I'm guessing it has something to do with the twin factor. I didn't pump until 6 weeks so at least that stress was alleviated. But still. It will get better. And sometimes it's okay to let yourself let the laundry sit and just lay down. Or have your mom come over and do the laundry, do the bottle sanitizing (ah, maybe you are pumping and bottle feeding...just connected that!), and you relax for a little bit.

You can do it. The beginning is REALLY HARD with one baby, and must be so much harder with two. You are doing great!

Re: Please don't judge

You are not a horrible mother!!! Bringing home a newborn, much less two, is a huge life change and you have to give yourself time to adjust. I remember feeling the same way when my oldest was born. I just wanted to feel "normal" again and it was so hard to handle the newborn crying. I also have twins and I experienced a lot of the same emotions when we brought them home.

My advice is to ask for help and if you can try to get a little bit of time to yourself each day - take a longer shower if someone can watch them for you, run out to grab a quick cup of coffee by yourself. It will get better, you will adjust to this new phase of your life and you will love those babies in a way you can't even imagine.

Also, if these feelings do linger make sure to talk to your doctor. There are tons of meds they can prescribe to help with any ppd you might wind up experiencing (although at this point it's more likely just the hormones!!).

You can do this!!!

(Also - join the Nassau County Parents of Multiples Club - I joined when my twins were 4 months old and I wish I had joined earlier!).

Please don't judge

NO. You are NOT an awful mother. IT IS FLUCKING HARD. SO FLUCKING HARD. And I only have 1. I cannot possibly imagine having 2.

I counted down the days of my maternity leave. I used to check the window every 30 seconds once 7pm hit to see if DH was home. I had zero help besides DH. My mom, my MIL, neither came to help. Not once. This is the hardest thing you'll ever do and it is 100% normal to want your old life back and to be miserable. You are not alone. You are not wrong. And you are certainly not a bad mom.

Hardly anyone talks about the "baby blues," and that is a problem because it makes new moms feel like sh!t. I cannot grasp how anyone doesn't find it hard. Honestly, those women who say it's so easy and they're in a cloud of happiness are either lying or have family with them helping 24 hours a day. Or they're on drugs.

It does get easier. My DD is 13 months and so much easier to handle now. But it's still not easy. It's still hard. I don't know at what age it isn't hard. Maybe never.

FM me if you need to talk/vent. I don't have twins but you sound exactly like I felt. I promise, I will never, ever judge.

Please don't judge

Newborns are the best but they suck the life out of you. When dd was about 3 weeks old I lost it. I was exhausted. I don't think I had slept in 48 hours I just woke dh up handed the baby to dh and said I just need sleep. And he works a grueling 12hrs a day and I just needed a break. 2 must be so much harder. I commend you. You will get through this. It's a mix of hormones and lack of sleep. It's gets better. I promise. Hugs mama.

Re: Please don't judge

Such a huuuuge adjustment. I'm sure having twins compounds the challenges as well. See if you can get some support from other mommy's of multiples. Also there is nothing wrong with missing your old life or yearning for it. Hell I still do sometimes and mine are 4 yrs and 19 months. Some mommy's also love going back to work ( I wasn't one of them but there are plenty) and like the balance. Anyway I don't think how you feel now in the immediate post partum period is anything like what you will feel when things settle down a bit. Hang in there!

Please don't judge

Absolutely no judgement here...I didn't even take the whole 6 week maternity leave because i couldn't wait to go back to work. I'm pretty sure I actually skipped to work that first day. I was terrified of taking care of a newborn. I couldn't imagine taking care of two!!
Cut to a few years later and I dream of being a SAHM.
Moral of the story-it gets better!!!! Don't be so hard on yourself. This parenting shit is hard

Re: Please don't judge

My twins are 10 months and looking back I'm not sure how I did it , but I did and I'm here to tell about it.

Deep breaths, laugh at things such as how big the laundry pile is, Amazon prime, Peapod, and take out are your best friends !

It is tough bc it is winter but get out whenever you can with the babies, even if it is a short walk that takes more time to get ready for then the actual walk the fresh air will help all three of you. You might be chilly but a bundled up baby in the car seat is probably hot even on a cold day!

Re: Please don't judge

Normal! I felt exactly as you described with my first, he was a demanding newborn (though I'm sure nothing like having twins... I give you a lot of credit!). I cried a lot those first few weeks, going from no kids to having a baby was a total shock to my system. I wanted to escape!! But over time you'll adjust. It will get so much better. And now here I am having baby #3 in a couple of months. It's true you'll always miss certain aspects of the kid-free life, I think every parent if they're being honest does. But everything will get better , you're doing great!!

Re: Please don't judge

I couldn't wait to go back to work and i only had one.
All she did was cry. She never slept. Ever.
We couldn't even take her on walks because she would be screaming bloody murder in the stroller and it was just too stressful to deal with.
Same with stores.
I cried all the time. I questioned what we did.
I felt like all i did was make bottles, wash bottles, change diapers, repeat
I wore a formula stained t shirt all day. I rarely had time to shower or eat.
I sobbed daily and mourned...yes mourned...my old life. My friends. My job. Me.

It gets better...i promise. Not tomorrow, not next week, but in time you will find your groove.

What you are feeling is 100 percent normal.
It is SO SO SO hard to go from 0 kids to 1. I can't even imagine going from 0 to 2.
It is a HUGE adjustment and lifestyle change and happens overnight with no warning it's ok to feel sad about your old life.
The hormones do not help either. At all.
It's like PMS times 100.

Message edited 1/26/2017 9:18:02 AM.

Re: Please don't judge

Not a horrible mother!

It's hard. Really hard. My son screamed 24/7 and if I could calm him down I still had her to take care of

The first month is the roughest. Then a routine comes into play and it gets easier

I will never forget the day I fed one in my arms and the other holding the bottle with my chin.

Deep breaths. Rest whenever they are quiet. Leave everything else. Rest

It gets better I promise. Fm if you need anything

Re: Please don't judge

It's totally normal to feel this way. I hated the newborn stage with DS1. He nursed for at least an hour, I was completely sleep deprived, it was the winter so I barely went out and he needed to be held 24/7. It was really tough. DS2 was a bit easier because I knew what to expect, he slept better and only nursed for 20 minutes at a time.

Your life has been turned upside down. Caring for 2 is so much tougher than 1. You're in the thick of it right now. It will get better, but you need to find time to get some rest and some time for yourself. Can DH or family come by to help? I handled all overnight duty and during the day, but DH would take over from after dinner until he went to sleep, which allowed me to get my longest stretch of rest. If you can, have someone else throw in laundry, don't worry about keeping the house clean, buy extra bottles/pumping equipment so you're not spending as much time washing things, if you cook, make big batches so you have some more free time at night, etc. You need to take care of yourself. Good luck! I hope things get easier soon. You're doing great.

Re: Please don't judge

It will get so much better! Hang in there. People always talk about the transition from 1 to 2 kids being the hardest but I always say the hardest was 0 to 1 was the hardest - and in your case it was 0 to 2! I don't want to discourage you from breastfeeding and pumping if that is what you want to do but I formula fed my second and third and I can not begin to describe how much easier it made my life. I can't imagine BFing twins.

People would say to me that it's such a short period of time when they are babies, but it was really a struggle getting thru that newborn phase for me with my first. And just to warn you, it may get worse before it gets better. I think around the 6-8 week mark is the worst for most babies as far as crying and the witching hour goes, so don't think that you are doing anything wrong.

Hope this helps!

Re: Please don't judge

You are NOT a bad mom!!!

Like you, I spent years and a lot of money to have my DS. After he was born, I was like WTF did we do? My DH would go to sleep at 10 and I would be up ALL night with a clusterfeeding maniac. I specifically remember one night around 1-2 weeks post partum where I was crying since DH had gone to bed and I felt all alone.

For me, it got slightly better at 3 weeks and much better by 6-8 weeks. This time is temporary and it SUCKS, but I promise it will get better!!!!

Try to get some alone time if possible. At 1 or 2 weeks post partum, I went to Target all by myself for like 30 minutes and it was the best 30 minutes EVER!!! I would also take SUPER long showers when my DH was home. They were wonderful and I felt like a real person again.

Also - I couldn't wait to go back to work. DS was a VERY demanding infant.

Please don't judge

You are not terrible. I felt the same exact way when I first got home. It definitely gets better. I was tough at the beginning and I only had 1 child. You and your babies will fall into a routine and one day you will wake up and realize you can handle it. You'll start to realize when babies cry what they want or need. Just give it a little more time!

Re: Please don't judge

No judgement at all! This is completely normal and not talked about enough IMO. It's exhausting (for you x2!) and you're in pain and your hormones are out of whack and it's just HARD. It's completely different to life before. My DD has been extremely easygoing and at 9 months, even sometimes on a good day, I just sit down and think OMG I just want to sit in a quiet room by myself and not be touched or talked to and sleep or scroll through facebook or read a book or eat a meal in peace! You're not alone, but if you ever feel like you need help, please talk to a doctor about PPD.

Re: Please don't judge

One of my best friends questioned every day if she made a mistake, for the first 8 weeks or so.

It DOES get easier. You've got this, momma!

Please don't judge

no judgement at all!!! and i only have 1 kid, who we adopted when he was 18 months old!! I can't imagine twin newborns.
Parenting is TOUGH!!! and yeah there are definitely days when you wonder why you chose to do this to yourself.
Definitely reach out for any help you can get... friends, family, church or temple... spend a little bit of money for a mother's helper if you have to. I would take advantage of your mom wanting to help!!!! My parents and in laws both live a few hours away, and when DS was younger i would have given anything for them to be close enough to pop over for an hour or so so i could get a little break from entertaining him!!! ( I STILL would-- and he's 6 now ) So take advantage of that!!! And vent on here, too!!! we obviously all get it!
I think you'll feel better, too when the weather gets warmer and you can take them out for walks or just sit outside in the back yard for some fresh air. My sister had her baby on Thanksgiving- and i know she was saying the same thing. its a tough time of year to be home with a newborn. So hang in there!! and in the meantime, take all the help thats offered to you, and vent on here!

Please don't judge

It gets better and one day you will look back and miss this stage. I have 2 under 2 and breast feeding was a struggle. What helped my sanity was stopping. I didn't want to spend my precious free time hooked up to the pump. I also agree with going out, CVS and the supermarket alone is heaven.

Re: Please don't judge

You sound just like my sister-in-law who had twin boys as well. She always struggled with not being able to spend quality time with them because there were 2 and there was always something else to be done. You're probably at the peak of your hormones fluctuating too.

I don't have twins but had 3 that were 3 and under. I have a 1, 2 and 4 year old now. Im not gonna lie, it's intense. It does get easier, then it gets hard, then easier again.. Hang in there. You're not a bad mom. I'm sure you can tell that most moms feels this way. Motherhood is hardest thing ever! Emotionallly, physically, mentally. It's gonna be ok. Just take it day by day.

Re: Please don't judge

Take your moms help - it is hard to adjust in the beginning even harder with twins and if you are nursing.
This may not be popular opinion but maybe give the babies a little formula so you can get a little break

Hang in there and it will get better

Please don't judge

You were concerned about being judged for this post, but look at the overwhelming response of people who felt the same exact way! I wish I had read something like this when I was home on maternity leave with my son. I cried every single day. The first day that I didn't cry was the day that I actually took a trip out with him to buy stamps at the post office. That was our "adventure" for the day, and for the first time in weeks, I saw daylight and felt normal. I could not stand being in my house. Even now as a working mom, when I am home with my 14 month old, I need to get out and do things with him. I can't stand being stuck in my house. I get so bored and I feel like he is bored as well.

It's scary because you're not sure if what you're feeling is normal or irrational, but it's totally normal.

As other posters said, it is insanity with one... let alone 2. I cant imagine 2. You're doing a great job. This is all new, and it's hard to just give birth and automatically shift gears to mommy mode. It doesn't happen that way for everyone. It will get better. I agree with the 8 week mark. Hang in there!!!

Re: Please don't judge

I just had a baby too & I cried at my newborn's apt today because I feel overwhelmed as well & I don't even have twins! You are doing the best you can! It does get better with time. Don't stress, you don't have to play with them, they are 2 weeks old. Let people help you & try to rest for your mental sanity (I know it's hard to fit in a nap)