Moms of middle school boys (and girls)...

A question for you....

I have only 1 DS and the whole middle school is new for me (specially since I went to and only girls catholic school, etc).

Today was a dance for the middle schoolers at DS's school. He didn't want to go. I respected that and told him he didn't need to, but inside of me I wanted him to go, to have the experience. Later I learned that some boys were asking out girls on dates for the dance and some girls were asking out boys. It was quite surprising to me, since they are only 11 (just a few are 12)... but maybe I'm coming from an old school point of view.

The reason for DS not to go were: that being the first one maybe it wasn't well organized, that he wasn't going to dance and he didn't want to stuffed with food since he wasn't dancing, that his closer friends were not going, and that Friday is the day for him to relax at home watching tv or doing whatever he wants.

If anyone has more experience with this age, I'd really appreciate the input about what 's going on their minds.

Maybe my question is, should I try to push him to go to the next one (because I'd like him to experience it) or just let him decide Thanks!

Moms of middle school boys (and girls)...

I think it depends on personality. You have a huge range of maturity in 6th grade-kids who are interested in "dating" and kids who are nowhere near that. In 6th grade I would let him make his own decisions about this stuff though.

Re: Moms of middle school boys (and girls)...

Re: Moms of middle school boys (and girls)...

Re: Moms of middle school boys (and girls)...

I wouldn't push him. In our district a few middle school dances have been cancelled due to lack of interest.

Re: Moms of middle school boys (and girls)...

My son is a seventh grader and appears to be on the older side (turning 13 in two months) and growing a little facial hair, as well as experiencing voice change. He is so shy and would never ask out a girl although he probably likes a few. None of his friends have asked out a girl, but a few are starting to become very friendly with them. I would just wait for him to be ready. I feel like people push their kids to grow up too fast. They have their whole lives to date.

Message edited 1/29/2017 7:46:23 PM.

Moms of middle school boys (and girls)...

I have an 8th grader and he has said NO to every dance they've had in middle school. He is kind of an introvert so I wasn't surprised. Our school has a "no dates" policy for dances, meaning everyone has to attend alone and meet up with their friends at the dance.

I am slightly worried about this year as its the year of the 8th grade formal and kids make a HUGE deal out of it with expensive dresses and suits. I know he won't go and I respect that. I just feel bad he's missing out on things.

Like someone said above, even in 8th there is huge range in maturity levels. My son is not near ready to date and still in the awkward phase, others have steady girlfriends.

Message edited 1/30/2017 8:21:00 AM.

Moms of middle school boys (and girls)...

If you think it would be a good experience for him, I would be encouraging about going, maybe "push" him a tiny bit, but in the end, leave the decision up to him. Maybe even bring it up when he is with his friends - in a natural way, like "hey guys, what do you all think about the dance?" type thing, to see how his friends feel about it - like are they really not into it, or maybe just more unsure of themselves/what to expect, so they avoid it, type of thing. I think sometimes it just seems easier to not go, but they wind up enjoying themselves when they actually do go

Moms of middle school boys (and girls)...

My DD is in 7th grade and tends to avoid many of the school dances although she has attended some. She likes to see her friends and will socialize with boys but is not interested in dating or behaving in that way even though many of the other girls are. I think it is best to just let them lead the way based on their personality with some slight encouragement at times. I will say that by us in 7th grade at a relatively small school there really is no dating, they talk about who likes who and hang out in groups but nothing more serious. I wonder if it varies a lot at different schools.

Re: Moms of middle school boys (and girls)...

My DS is in 6th but not middle school yet. They have had some dances and he has gone with a little pushing but it's still elementary school and he knows everyone. I know for sure that next year when he's in the middle school there is no way in he!! He will go to the dances. He is super shy and pretty immature. It used to bother me and I tried to push him to do things but I've just come to terms with it and accept it. If he wants to go, he'll go but I wouldn't want to put him in a situation where he would be I comfotable.

And there is no way he would ask a girl to do anything!

Moms of middle school boys (and girls)...

I work in a MS. Many of our kids, especially our boy students, do not go to dances, most time when I ask why it's either they don't dance (and maybe think they'll be pressured to? or everyone else will be so what will they do?) or they just don't think it's cool and would rather go home and do their normal friday thing (fridays there is typically no HW so they can play videogames, play w friends etc).

I would NOT be concerned with just the fact that he didn't want to go bc it is quite common, I would explain that most boys just stand around and don't dance (in case that is part of his fear).

Does he have friends? Is he happy at school otherwise? If yes then I wouldn't bat an eye. As a girl I always loved dances but I can tell you that many of my boy students cant be bothered.

As far as the dating, most of my 6th grade boys aren't interested but most girls are lol

By 8th he may want to go to dances bc he IS interested in the girls lol

Re: Moms of middle school boys (and girls)...

Many thanks for the answers. Since this is new territory to me, I didn't know it was more common for boys not to go. He is social and has some good friends, but they are more focused on sports.

After hearing others' experience at the dance last week, DS said he might try next time.

What threw me off, was that when other moms learned DS didn't want to go (but I have to admit it was moms with girls), they were very surprised because all of their daughters were very excited about the dance.