disappointed in friend

Sorry.. not sure how to repost!!!

Hey everyone...

Just need to vent and of course open to opinions and advice to anyone who has been through this.

I am in a friendship where it's very one sided...so I have discovered... Each time we get together, it's always about her situation (which I don't mind) but, whenever I talk about mine, it gets downplayed. Her and her husband had some bad things happen in their past and are still struggling with it today, so a lot of what we talk about is about the loss of their baby. I definitely don't mind, but sometimes it's hard for me b/c I've had 6 miscarriages myself. But, I really try and listen and be a good friend to her.

I have 2 boys, ages 3 and 7. Her child is friends with my 7 year old. She asked me in the past to have her son for a sleepover and playdates which I have always said yes to, but it turned out we had her son for an evening into the afternoon of the next day the last sleepover. It was a lot for us to do this b/c her child is an only child and I know it's hard for him to deal with my younger one when he gets upset that he can't be involved with the older kids. She asked again for a sleepover, but I just can't do it.. Im a stay at home mom and my husband is working a lot of hours and weekends. She has said in the past that she will take my older one, but then never follows up, so hubby and I decided it's just too much to do sleepover swaps. I was honest when I told her this, and then never heard back.

My birthday was yesterday, I got wishes from mutual friends over Facebook and I didn't hear anything from her at all, not even a text, message, anything. I always go out of my way to remember her birthday, I gave her cupcakes and spent time with her and last year we got breakfast. I am just so sad.. and not sure where the friendship is going TBH. I heard from her via text the next day all about her issues and never anything about my birthday.

It's been so hard making friends here.. I have been feeling sad lately :(

Am I being used? WWYD? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for reading!

disappointed in friend

So sorry to hear about your situation but honestly I can relate. I also had a friend where it was all about her. I put up with it for years and it never got better. I truly believe a real friendship works both ways. True friends are always there for each other and take the time to listen to each other. I finally for myself ended this friendship and have moved on. Only you can decide what is best for you.

Happy Birthday and please don't be sad??????Would love to chat anytime

disappointed in friend

I would respond thank you for the birthday wishes. The friendship sounds stressful. I'm not into stressful relationships so I would dead it now. I'm sorry you are sad but some relationships are toxic and you need to know when to pull the plug.

Re: disappointed in friend

This sounds very one sided. Do your mutual friends ever say she is selfish? Because from this post, it sure sounds like it. I know it's upsetting, but cut your ties and move on. There are a lot of people out there who would love a thoughtful friend like you. Cupcakes? That's so sweet!!!

It is hard to make friends. That I know. Eventually you will make the "right friends". It can be one or 5. Doesn't matter. Friendships go both ways. Sometimes you put your problems on hold to help your friend out. But that should also happen for you as well. And if it doesn't, you don't need those type of "friends".

I find it hard to make friends at almost 40 because I don't have children. You think it's hard with kids? It's close to impossible without them. But , I've been fortunate enough to have old friends still in my life and made new friends through here on LIF. You'll get there. Don't feel sad for too long. She doesn't seem like she's worth it.

Message edited 3/8/2017 7:26:38 PM.

Re: disappointed in friend

I've been in that dark place myself as I have a complicated history with pregnancy losses. In my opinion, it's not that she's intentionally downplaying things in your life- it's that she feels so sad about her own situation and is very much consumed by it.

I wouldn't take it personally. It seems like she has a lot going on. If you don't feel like you're at a place in your life where you could be that supportive person in her life (and by all means, you don't need to be).. then don't.. but I definitely wouldn't consider this necessarily to be a selfish, toxic person.., I think it's just a sad side effect of her situation right now.

On a personal note, I have had many friendships crumble during my journey to become a mom and I know I was viewed as self centered.. selfish.. maybe also kind of a dickk... and I'm so grateful for the friends who stuck it out through the tough times and weathered the storm by my side. Like I said, if this can't be you, then you shouldn't feel bad about that- I'm just trying to offer the perspective from the other side.

Re: disappointed in friend

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your replies and advice! I really appreciate it!

Thanks again!

Re: disappointed in friend