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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Baby envy...
Does it ever go away?
I have enough kids. 3 of them. They take up all my time.
Why is it that I get jealous when I see a friend who just gave birth to #4? Or someone preggo with #5?
I have dreams at night where I'm planning my 4th pregnancy.
Am I going to get over it?
We don't need a 4th.
Hubby is definitely done.
Logically, I don't want another kid...
Why do my hormones mess with me?
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Posted 9/27/17 8:56 PM  |
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Lauren82
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 4580 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Baby envy...
I've been hoping it would go away. I know it would really be a challenge to have another, with working, money, and simply time, but I really want one still. I would love a surprise baby, so I don't have to make the choice.
I wonder if I would feel complete after 4, or would I want a 5th? My "baby" is 4 now, so I've been hoping it would go away for that long!
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| Posted 9/27/17 9:18 PM |
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petvet
LIF Adult
Member since 5/08 1238 total posts
Name:
Meredith
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Re: Baby envy...
Because babies are cute!
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| Posted 9/27/17 10:06 PM |
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mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Baby envy...
I really thought it would go away after I had baby #4, but he's 19 months now and I still want more.. DH wants #5 more than I do.. I honestly just think some people will always want more kids and that feeling won't go away. I figure I need to think with my head rather than my heart and know we are done at 4, bc otherwise we'd be the next duggars (minus the creepy stuff lol).
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| Posted 9/27/17 10:12 PM |
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Jenn79
One more?
Member since 2/12 2410 total posts
Name:
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Re: Baby envy...
Ugh I was hoping people would say it definitely goes away! I'm preg with #3 and I'd like to be done due to money, going back to work, being able to take vacations etc. but I feel like I'm gonna want another after this one is out. Even now that I'm still preg when I see a family with 4 or 5 I stare at them in awe
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| Posted 9/27/17 10:26 PM |
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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Baby envy...
I'm embracing it!  I have 3 kids (oldest is 4) and I'm still jealous of pregnant women! I love it & miss it & I know we're going to try to have a few more kids. I can't wait! Obviously at some point the reality is that we will be done having kids but I don't feel like that's now or soon.
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| Posted 9/27/17 11:26 PM |
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edfilippi
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 997 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: Baby envy...
I am pregnant with #3 and I wish I could say I feel done because dh definitely does lol but I can't. Maybe after he is born but I am the same. I look at families with 4 or 5 and think wow that's amazing. I think I would stop at 4 though because I wouldn't want to be pulled too thin with time, money, etc.
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| Posted 9/28/17 12:16 AM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Baby envy...
For me it has gotten much better but I still get pangs of jealousy at times. I don't think I'll ever see someone's birth announcement on fb or a squishy newborn and not feel some envy. My second is almost 3 and in the day to day I've stopped thinking about a third and feel good about being done. It was hard bc we planned on a third, my second was early and not well so I do feel cheated about some of the circumstances of that pregnancy, birth, and her early days. I do wish I could get a redo on all that but it's no reason to have a child and I have to remind myself I could end up with complications again. A year ago I was struggling much more with our decision but fast forward to today and I feel so much more settled with things. Proof being I finally got my iud and it won't be going anywhere lol.
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| Posted 9/28/17 7:03 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Baby envy...
We tried for a 4th right around my 40th and it didn't work out. I had a miscarriage due to chromosomal abnormalities and that kind of closed the window for me. It just made me realize I am so lucky to have three healthy kids and I don't want to risk having to make a decision about keeping a severely disabled child. And if I did have that child, the impacts that it would have on my other children. My sister in law is severely disabled and it definitely takes a toll on the other children in the family. So - I closed that window and now that feeling has gone away about 99%. I just think eventually you get to an age where it will go away - your kids start getting older and more independent and then you start to enjoy the next phase, you don't really want to start over with a baby.
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| Posted 9/28/17 8:48 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Baby envy...
I have never had it. My newborn was such a nightmare that 7 years later I still have flashes of PTSD from it. It was horrendous. I see babies and think THANK GOD I never have to deal with that phase again.
It was just a bad, bad time in my life.
If someone handed me a 5 year old, maybe I'd consider 2.
Other than that, no thanks
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| Posted 9/28/17 8:57 AM |
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MrsO
Big Brothers to Be
Member since 1/07 4521 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Baby envy...
It went away after I had my 4th - I will look at a baby and say remember that sweetness but I definitely have a feeling that I am done.
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| Posted 9/28/17 9:15 AM |
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J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
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Re: Baby envy...
My twins are 2 and I feel constant baby fever. Although at times I feel like if we were done, it would be nice to be over the "baby" stage and have these little girls that are more independent. But then I always go back to wanting to be pregnant again.
My pregnancy was high risk and stressful from start to finish. I was so big and tired all the time. I feel like I want the experience of a singleton pregnancy. To be able to do all the things I thought I'd do while pregnant (not that it means I'll get to do everything I missed out on). I never thought I'd want more than two kids. But the desire to have another is so strong. I don't feel the need to try for a boy. It's not about that. I love my girls and would LOVE another girl. Either a boy or a girl I would be thrilled with. The idea of another multiple pregnancy scares me though.
I feel like if we don't have another I will regret it. I'm 35 now so its really something that we need to figure out. Dh does want another but maybe not RIGHT now.  
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| Posted 9/28/17 10:00 AM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: Baby envy...
Posted by NervousNell
I have never had it. My newborn was such a nightmare that 7 years later I still have flashes of PTSD from it. It was horrendous. I see babies and think THANK GOD I never have to deal with that phase again.
It was just a bad, bad time in my life.
If someone handed me a 5 year old, maybe I'd consider 2.
Other than that, no thanks
This is exactly how I feel. I hear people say all the time that they don't feel "done" and I honestly don't know what they're talking about.
I have a question for everyone who wants very large families (4-5) kids- what do you do in terms of child care? Do you worry that you would be unable to provide, financially or otherwise for so many kids? For each kid you have it equals less individual attention per kid, no? I'm not asking to be snarky or judgey, I'm genuinely curious and want to understand. I feel like even if I had the desire to have so many I'd be terrified!
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| Posted 9/28/17 10:17 AM |
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mrsrainbow
LIF Adult
Member since 1/17 1465 total posts
Name:
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Baby envy...
I think its because when you know you're not responsible for their very existence and dealing with the crying and sleep deprivation, babies are fun and cute. I have two and I am done, I had severe PPA/PPD and like NervousNell, I have zero desire for more.
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| Posted 9/28/17 10:25 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Baby envy...
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by NervousNell
I have never had it. My newborn was such a nightmare that 7 years later I still have flashes of PTSD from it. It was horrendous. I see babies and think THANK GOD I never have to deal with that phase again.
It was just a bad, bad time in my life.
If someone handed me a 5 year old, maybe I'd consider 2.
Other than that, no thanks
This is exactly how I feel. I hear people say all the time that they don't feel "done" and I honestly don't know what they're talking about.
!
I honestly feel like I'm missing some kind of vital female gene or hormone because I don't have this baby fever that every other female on the planet seems to have. I was done the second I peed on the stick and it said positive. I was like- ok cool, done!
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| Posted 9/28/17 11:02 AM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Baby envy...
I wondered about this because I knew I wasn't done during my second pregnancy and we had planned on eventually having 3. I had a really tough first pregnancy, but I liked being pregnant with my second and third. This last pregnancy was bittersweet because I knew I wouldn't be pregnant again. At the same time, I didn't necessarily feel done during it and wasn't sure if I'd ever feel done. Once I delivered and the reality of having 3 set in, I felt complete. DD is only a month old, but seeing a pregnant belly makes me a little sad because I won't experience the kicks, anticipation, etc again, but I can't imagine being able to handle any more than what we have.
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| Posted 9/28/17 11:33 AM |
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bunnyluck
LIF Adult
Member since 1/14 3196 total posts
Name:
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Baby envy...
I feel absolutely done after my second who was totally unplanned. My first DS was a VERY difficult baby, my boys are only 18 months a part and it's just been crazy. Both don't sleep. I always wonder if people who have larger families have had easier babies or if I just suck. Hahaha. Anyway, I have no urge to try for a girl. No urge for another baby. I always thought I wanted 3 or 4 but I just don't think we can handle it.
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| Posted 9/28/17 11:56 AM |
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MaZz
* Lovin my baby girl!!! *
Member since 2/09 6243 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Baby envy...
Babies are cute... and then you remind yourself about the feedings around the clock, and sleepless nights, and then it all just goes away :)
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| Posted 9/28/17 12:43 PM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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Baby envy...
I don't feel done at all, I doubt I ever will. I am 39 though, and DH is so done, so I think we are done. I imagine I will always have some baby envy. I had great pregnancies though, I really liked being pregnant.
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| Posted 9/28/17 1:25 PM |
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Aries14
Can't plan life...
Member since 8/08 2860 total posts
Name:
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Baby envy...
I thought I felt good with being done - I have 2 girls... Then my oldest DD turned 7 and keeps asking for another sibling.. Its hard to hear your child ask you why she cant have another brother or sister and that she wants her kids to have a lot of cousins to play with (I mean, seriously? what 7 year old thinks like this!). But I come from a family with 4 kids and my husband does too so she sees how many aunts and uncles and cousins are around for the holidays.. I don't really want another baby - but do wonder if I will regret not having a bigger family a little later on in life
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| Posted 9/28/17 1:51 PM |
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katiebug
I'll love you for always
Member since 2/08 4624 total posts
Name:
Katie
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Re: Baby envy...
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by NervousNell
I have never had it. My newborn was such a nightmare that 7 years later I still have flashes of PTSD from it. It was horrendous. I see babies and think THANK GOD I never have to deal with that phase again.
It was just a bad, bad time in my life.
If someone handed me a 5 year old, maybe I'd consider 2.
Other than that, no thanks
This is exactly how I feel. I hear people say all the time that they don't feel "done" and I honestly don't know what they're talking about.
I have a question for everyone who wants very large families (4-5) kids- what do you do in terms of child care? Do you worry that you would be unable to provide, financially or otherwise for so many kids? For each kid you have it equals less individual attention per kid, no? I'm not asking to be snarky or judgey, I'm genuinely curious and want to understand. I feel like even if I had the desire to have so many I'd be terrified!
I have 3 and about to have a 4th. I don't feel like my children get any less attention, but I am also not and never have been the type of parent that sits around and plays with my kids all day. My children LOVE each other. They are always playing games, doing crafts, doing activities. They are all playmates, they don't need my constant attention. As for childcare, 2 of my children are in school, one is home with me, and I work from home. Financially? I guess it depends on what you mean by provide. We don't go out to nice dinners, don't own designer items, but my children don't need anything. They take swimming, sports, dance, we take vacations. But we aren't living at Disney World like other families, and that is 100% okay with me. It just depends on what you want for your kids.
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| Posted 9/29/17 12:53 AM |
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
Name:
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Baby envy...
I have 2, youngest is 17 mos. And I have my moments of sadness when I think about how I'll never have a newborn again, never be pregnant again, never go thru all those milestones again....but then another part of me feels excited to be able to fully focus on the 2 kids I have and try to make their childhoods as fun and happy as possible. Not having any more babies means more time, energy and money to do all things we want to do with them. I also had a really hard time with both of my babies bc they were/still are terrible terrible sleepers. My 17 month old still wakes several times a night as if he IS a newborn and I am thoroughly exhausted, so I really have no desire to go thru another year or 2 of sleep deprivation. But I do still miss cuddling a newborn....
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| Posted 9/29/17 9:05 AM |
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
Name:
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Re: Baby envy...
Posted by Aries14
I thought I felt good with being done - I have 2 girls... Then my oldest DD turned 7 and keeps asking for another sibling.. Its hard to hear your child ask you why she cant have another brother or sister and that she wants her kids to have a lot of cousins to play with (I mean, seriously? what 7 year old thinks like this!). But I come from a family with 4 kids and my husband does too so she sees how many aunts and uncles and cousins are around for the holidays.. I don't really want another baby - but do wonder if I will regret not having a bigger family a little later on in life
My dd keeps asking for another baby (preferably a sister ) and it does make me feel bad for her because i also always wanted a sister when I was growing up. I had really hoped my 2nd child would be a sister for her, but fate had other plans and we are all head over heels in love with our baby boy. I know it's ridiculous to have another baby just to make a 4 year old happy and yet part of me feels guilty. Although there are also plenty of times when shes sad that I can't play with her or fully pay attention to her because i need to take care of the baby, and now that he's getting a little older and able to play on his own a bit, I've been able to focus on my older child more and I think she's been really happy with that.
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| Posted 9/29/17 9:10 AM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Baby envy...
I'm envious of people who have their second.
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| Posted 9/29/17 7:35 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Baby envy...
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by NervousNell
I have never had it. My newborn was such a nightmare that 7 years later I still have flashes of PTSD from it. It was horrendous. I see babies and think THANK GOD I never have to deal with that phase again.
It was just a bad, bad time in my life.
If someone handed me a 5 year old, maybe I'd consider 2.
Other than that, no thanks
This is exactly how I feel. I hear people say all the time that they don't feel "done" and I honestly don't know what they're talking about.
I have a question for everyone who wants very large families (4-5) kids- what do you do in terms of child care? Do you worry that you would be unable to provide, financially or otherwise for so many kids? For each kid you have it equals less individual attention per kid, no? I'm not asking to be snarky or judgey, I'm genuinely curious and want to understand. I feel like even if I had the desire to have so many I'd be terrified!
I only have three but did really want a fourth. I never thought about them not getting as much of my individual attention because I feel like giving them siblings to love and play with outweighs a lot of individual attention that they will get with me. I do try to give each child special alone time with me even if it doesn't happen that often. But I feel like as kids get older they want less and less time with their parents anyway. Financially I think it's about prioritizing but there are some economies of scale that come with large families. You don't have to buy all new clothes and sports equipment. You have hand me downs and what not. Meals are not exponentially more expensive. It would be college that I worry about but they can take out loans if need be.
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| Posted 9/30/17 11:33 AM |
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