Potty training woes

My son turned 4 in May. He was mostly potty trained last year due to his awesome teacher. I say mostly because he had accidents here and there and still wears a pull up at night and if we go out.

Well this summer he had a different teacher in school. He started regressing and once school finished the 2nd week of August he was peeing all over the place (like he was never even potty trained!). He was with my in laws while we at work and had to put him back in pull-ups because it was just crazy.

Anyhow, so school starts again and he has another teacher. I’m so upset. I thought he was going to have the same teacher as last year. This is his last year at his school as he turns 5 next year. Anyway, teacher seems nice but very young and inexperienced. UGH. His class is 8 kids with mostly non or limited verbal children. I believe all are ASD like my son.

Anyhow, we have been ripping our hair out with re-potty training him. I truly despise it. He understands but it is more about control with him. He tells me juice when he wants juice, milk, etc. Thats about he extent. But that is a long way from where we have come. Last week he told my MIL potty and she took him potty. That was first and last time. Usually he throws himself down in front of the door when we try to take him (it’s obvious when he has to go-he does the pee pee dance) and tantrums and refuses to go in and wets himself. This is a vicious never ending cycle.

Anyhow, the BCBA at his school said that we should not take him on a schedule since it’s a control thing with him and let him request to go, since he’s done it. That way he has the control. If he has accidents which is to be expected make him he clean up and remind him to say potty. She said not to be talking about it all the time because he is probably getting annoyed this is his daily life (90% potty talk).

Yes, makes sense in theory. But he won’t request to go since that one time. And this is common in ASD kids, you can see a glimpse of a skill and may not see it again for a very very long time. I downloaded the Elmo potty time app and the Daniel Tiger one. He loves them both and has been happy to go in the bathroom. He peed last night while watching the app and laughing. The BCBA wouldn’t like this as the iPad is supposed to be used as a reward. And I gave it to him prior to going. But way back when we started potty training last year this was how we initially started. And I just want him to be happy about going into the bathroom and it not be a battle to even have him set foot ion. Not to mention cleaning pee constantly (thank goodness he poops on the potty-I guess he doesn’t like the feeling so he gives no problem about going to the bathroom for that). We are losing our minds!

If you got through my long winded post, god bless you. Just need to get it out. Had a full blown meltdown yesterday at 6 when my son went through his 4th pair of clothes in an hour. DH walked in and I was on my hands and knees wiping up pee hysterically crying. That’s when I decided to buy the apps. Just looking for some support from mommas who get it.

Potty training woes

So first of all I’m very sorry you are going through this it’s a struggle! Secondly, his teacher may be young and have limited experience but may surprise you how knowledgeable she is, I would relay your concerns to her about potty training so she can work with the BCBA in school. Lastly I am a BCBA myself. There are multiple methods to toilet training, you would have to explore them, behavior intervention isn’t a one method fits all. First, as a BCBA, medically, does he have an UTIs or ANYTHING related medically to toileting? If not then you move on to intervention. If he consistently will toilet when HE requests it and not tantrum but only will tantrum and have an accident when he is “forced” to go, then yes, that is a control issue. I would have a specific and extremely valuable reinforcer he only has access to when he requests bathroom and goes to the bathroom. Randomly reading stories about potty or using an app is fine. However, if the IPAD is the most powerful reinforcer it should only be five when he successfully eliminates. Start with PEE only and then randomly reinforce poop too. You can use a picture card for potty too if he cannot verbalize.
There are other training methods I have read research I and studied that were effective however we don’t consider them “humane” such as sitting on the toilet and being “flooded” with water until elimination happens and immediately reinforced. But people still use this methods within the confines of their home. However, systematic reinforcement is best. There is also success with schedules and time toileting which is still widely used and extremely successful but for your son doesn’t sound like the best method since he’s trying to control when he goes. Good luck and feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions!! Many hugs!

Re: Potty training woes

Is his initial teacher still at the school? What methods did she use to get him trained? Although she is not his teacher they should be able to collaborate with her to get him back on track.

Re: Potty training woes

Just wanted to let you know that I can relate (I have a 5 year old with level 3 ASD).

Potty training woes

I can relate and could have written the exact same thing but for us it was poop. I stopped making it an issue. If he went he went and we did not yell or punish. One day he just got it. For pee, he was resistant as well. We eventually had a letter come from the diaper fairy. He held it for 3 days and waited until he got a diaper at bedtime. After 3 days he finally got up off the couch on day 4 and went. No turning back. It's a struggle and a PITA to have to constantly clean it up. But it became a power struggle and it was one that I was willing to let my son win.

Potty training woes

Potty Training is the worst so I totally feel you. I disagree with the BCBA in having him request to go. Put him on a schedule. When he gets older and had more control then he can request. Right now you need to be on a schedule. We had a terrific teacher in K that potty trained our daughter and it was all with a schedule. At 10 we still do a modified schedule. She knows to try when she gets up, before going in the car, before lunch/recess, before bed. She does not need prompting anymore but still sticks to that schedule with some requested times thrown in there. Have them write up a behavior plan for potty training so you can follow it at home as well and make sure they stick to it. Total PITA but well worth it.

Edited to add: When she started potty training she was brought in every 15 minutes. Once she had no accidents it was increased to 30 minutes, then an hour and then the schedule I mentioned above.

Message edited 10/2/2017 2:43:19 PM.

Re: Potty training woes

Hi all. Thanks for your replies. Just nice to hear from mommas who understand. So in answer to some of the questions: my son's teacher left to do EI privately but has recently become a BCBA so she is contracted now by his school (this was 2 weeks ago and comes once per week). I don't know for sure but believe they are trying to have the new teacher handle the kids as they want his old teacher associated with new kids (hope this makes sense). As you can imagine, he is not the only one in the class with potty issues.

No he has no medical issues (thank goodness). He is on a timed schedule (at home and school) and something the BCBA wants to move away from. I would love to but don't think he is there yet. I know she is just trying to help, but honestly sometimes too many hands in the pot is too much!

Thanks all for the tips and for letting me vent.