Advice

For the last three years, my secretary and I have opened up to each other about our various infertility struggles.

She has had numerous (like 7 rounds) of IVF all unsuccessful.

I have one child but was told that I needed to do IVF if I wanted a second because I had a very low ovarian reserve count - maybe .03. We elected not to go the IVF route and two years later at almost 40, I found out I was pregnant. I have been largely in denial about it because I have had several miscarriages and don't want to get my hopes up.

But I am almost at the halfway mark and I am getting to the point where work is going to start noticing.

I know I have to tell her and probably soon and its breaking my heart because I know how painful it can be.

I'm just looking for advice on how best to do it. In person? Text? beginning of the day? end of the day? weekend?

Any advice is appreciated.

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Congratulations!

I think it's a very personal thing to how someone would want to be told.
For me, I'd rather an email or text. This would allow me to have whatever feelings I need to have privately before responding to the news. Face to Face or even on the telephone would make it very hard to respond properly. If this makes any sense. But like I said, I really think everyone is different. Some may think an email or text is too impersonal.

Just be sure she doesn't hear it through the grapevine. That could be hurtful.

Congrats again. And thank you for trying your best to protect your secretaries feelings. It's very nice of you to think of her in this situation

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Thanks girls. I too would prefer to hear via text so I could process. I just didn't want it to be weird because I see her every day M-F.

Do you think I should preface me telling her with anything? Acknowledge how she might feel. I just don't want it to be condescending.

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I think it should just be a quick thing. Don't go on about how nervous you are or how you've been in denial over it, or how you haven't been feeling well, or any other story that elaborates on the pregnancy that makes it seem downplayed or less good- because at the end of the day, you're pregnant and she's not, and I'm sure she'd give anything to be pregnant in denial, or nervous as heck, or whatever else a pregnancy may bring which isn't awesome. Just a thought, and speaking from experience. I'd just make it quick and go on with your pregnant self.

Congratulations!

Advice

congrats!!!! IMO, you've been talking to her openly about IF for 3 yrs, dont stop talking now. Text, email to me is very impersonal given the fact you have been open about such personal information for 3 yrs.

Speak to her openly, to her face, bring her a coffee if thats normally done. If you speak in AM maybe allow her the ability to leave for a an hour or two or speak to her near the end so she can go home or get a feel for how the days is going and take it from there. Be Honest, she might feel sad, I would, but happy for you too. GL

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Congrats on your pregnancy! It's a tough situation and I have been on both sides of it. I agree with many of the posters above -- I would tell your friend but I would not do it face to face and would do it by text or Facebook message. I think it's slightly more personal than an email but allows your friend to have her own emotions privately. I personally would have hated being told face to face or on the phone. In fact, my SIL made a dramatic fake pregnancy announcement over FaceTime shortly after my second loss (the real news was she was quitting her job to SAH) and I am still upset over it 4 years later.

Like others said, I would try to keep it short and sweet and wouldn't complain about pregnancy symptoms or anything she might be wishing she was experiencing but given your history and prior discussions about IF issues you could acknowledge her struggle and that you wanted to share your news with her yourself and didn't want her to hear through the grapevine. She will probably be sad for herself but happy for you at the same time, and she might appreciate knowing you value her friendship enough to tell her yourself. Good luck

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Posted by PennyCat

I think it should just be a quick thing. Don't go on about how nervous you are or how you've been in denial over it, or how you haven't been feeling well, or any other story that elaborates on the pregnancy that makes it seem downplayed or less good- because at the end of the day, you're pregnant and she's not, and I'm sure she'd give anything to be pregnant in denial, or nervous as heck, or whatever else a pregnancy may bring which isn't awesome. Just a thought, and speaking from experience. I'd just make it quick and go on with your pregnant self.

Congratulations!