Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

DS1 (3 years old) has been a great sleeper his whole life. He goes down at 7pm and will sleep until 6:30am. After Thanksgiving, we took the pacifier away. We had about a week of struggling with getting him to stay in bed, relax and fall asleep, but we just consistently kept putting him back in bed when he got up and eventually he started going to sleep well again. Felt like a major win!

Then a few weeks before Christmas, we decided to move DS2 (6 months) out of our room and into DS1's room. We were a little nervous, but it went surprisingly smoothly. We'd put them down together usually, but occasionally DS1 would stay up a little later, but we'd do the bedtime routine in the living room and then put him down no problem.

All of a sudden this week, DS1 refuses to go to bed or stay in bed. At night, he doesn't seem tired at all, and he's ready to run a marathon when it's bedtime. All week we've been putting him down, he gets back up, we put him back, then he runs out and thinks it's a game. He's laughing having a great time, while I want to cry because he won't just stay in bed. Last night, he would scream as he came running out and wake up DS2, who would cry for 10 minutes because he was woken up. Then I'd have to comfort DS2 back to sleep, and the whole time DS1 would be sitting in his bed just constantly moving. Like he had so much energy he didn't know what to do with it. I tried just putting him back in bed like before, but it just wasn't working at all because he thought it was a fun game.

We've also tried taking away high value things, e.g., if you don't go to bed right now, then you can't play with your tablet tomorrow, but he doesn't care in the moment. He only cares the next day when he loses it, and then we get another tantrum about that, but it doesn't make bedtime the next day any easier. I think he might be too young for this type of tactic.

We tried letting him read in bed until he fell asleep, because his friend at school does this. It worked one night, and then he started playing instead of reading, and then he'd wake up DS2 to play, and it went down hill fast.

Any advice, tips or tricks to get him to go to bed and stay in bed?

I feel like him not being tired might mean he's out grown afternoon naps. He doesn't nap on the weekends anymore, but daycare still has him nap everyday and I don't think we can opt out of that because all the kids nap at the same time. Any way to tired him out? After he got home from daycare, we played the whole time. I got him to run all around the house to burn off energy, but he was still full of it.

Re: Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

DD is 22 months but we are struggling with the same thing, ever since she started climbing out of the crib and we transitioned her to a toddler bed back in December. Some days have been okay, but other days she is just as you say, laughing hysterically while she plays and I cry. We tried all the things you tried too. I don't think she's outgrown her nap yet but it does seem on days she has taken really long naps it's harder. We tried the whole "put her back in and don't say anything and leave" and she thinks that is the most hilarious game. Tried the "let her read alone thing," almost seemed like it was going to work last night (she climbed back into bed herself on her own and tried to go to sleep, but gave up after a few min and got up and emptied all of her dresser drawers onto the floor. Just sending you some support because we are in the same place, albeit without a smaller child (that part sounds like the worst!). Hope someone can help!

Re: Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

Glad to know others suffer with me. My DH also doesn't help. He thinks he can reason with him (he's a toddler, you can't), which usually just gets him more agitated, or he thinks he should be able to impose some kind of punishment, which again accomplishes nothing. Once DS1's energy wears down, then eventually the not talking and putting him to bed works (you know after an hour+ of battling him), so I feel like this is the way to go, but it just seems so ineffective and frustrating for the first hour or so.

Part of me wants to just give in and let him stay up later. Last nigh DH wasn't home, and I got tired of battling so I let him come out of his room and follow me around while I made dinner I know giving in is bad, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I tried to keep it as boring as possible for him. A few times he went into his room like he was going to bed, but then he'd come back out a few minutes later.

Re: Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

Yes, the reasoning does not work! I had to tell DH, no more "one more story" and no more "come say night night to Mama" bc he would be making deals with her that don't result in anything. He does help but he has been away traveling on business all week so it has been just me. I agree that I keep feeling like that is the answer, but it's so frustrating when they are basically laughing up a storm in your face!!

Re: Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

I think it's the naps like you said. When my 3 year old naps at daycare, he doesn't fall asleep until after 10 and he fights it. On days he doesn't nap, he is exhausted and falls asleep by 8:30 without a problem. I will miss that quiet time during the day but I hate the bedtime struggle.

Also want to add that we go to the mall play area a lot in the evenings or just walk around the mall to get some energy out. Obviously in the warmer weather it's much easier to get energy out at the playground.

Message edited 1/12/2018 3:14:31 PM.

Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

definitely sounds like he needs to stop the naps. I wouldn't punish him for just not being tired. That is also the age we pushed bedtime from 7 to 7:30.

Re: Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

I am w you on this!

My son as well goes to daycare and i feel like he has to take a nap. I did request them waking him up after an hour, hour and half.

Everynight its like he has a red bull and full of energy.
Makes deals, etc
I tell him we cant do ------- if he doesnt get some rest etc.

On the weekends, no nap and its a compltley diff story

Message edited 1/12/2018 3:43:49 PM.

Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

Sounds like during the week we may need to accept a later bedtime, since I don't think daycare will drop the naps. I know at his age I had totally stopped napping, and he's a lot like I was as a kid (full of energy, very active, and very stubborn).

Last night I didn't start with bedtime until around 8pm, but he usually doesn't relent until around 9, so maybe we should try that, and then the baby will be more soundly asleep/less likely to wake up. We'll see how he does this weekend.

Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

I honestly had to read this twice because I thought it was an old Post of mine, look. I really could've written this exact thing!! I made a reward chart for my boys. Happy face if you stay in bed. Sad face if you get up. Same for morning- we have the okay to wake clocks that turn green when they can get up. After 10 happy faces (5 days) they get a milkshake (frosty) or to go do something. The first time, they only needed a night happy face. Then the internals were longer. Now, they're both back to being good.

Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

My daughter is 3.5. I def. blame it on the daycare naps. I just had a talk with the teacher today and they are going to let her read or color instead of napping for now. They will do it if the parent requests no nap. You can try asking them to limit the nap or make it earlier? When my daughter naps she is still wide awake at 9pm and it is annoying as hell bc I am exhausted!!

Message edited 1/12/2018 9:10:02 PM.

Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

I would let him stay up later. 7 pm bedtime in our house would never work. My ds has always gone to bed at 9 and up at 6.

Let him stay up and see what happens.

Daycare will usually let them sit quietly but I don’t know many 3 year olds that can do that for the entire nap time.

Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

My dd had to stop naps right before turning 3 bc anytime she took a nap she'd be tossing and turning wide awake til like 11 pm.

Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

So staying up later worked at first. Still would resist staying in bed, but it would only be like 20-30 minutes of putting him back into bed which is tolerable.

Then last night he just wasn't going to sleep. He was yelling, laughing, and having a great time fighting bedtime. I was getting tired, so I asked my DH to take over putting him back to bed. Then he started PEEING on his bed. He took his pants off and peed on his bed. Three times! I don't know he kept having more pee. I'm at a loss about how to stop this behavior. Usually I can google to see what the advice is, but when I try to look this up it assumes he's unintentionally peeing.

I think I might try the bedtime chart, but I'm not sure if it will work. Guess it can't hurt.

Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

You need to ask daycare to cut the naps out. Just because the other kids nap doesn't mean he has to nap. My son was the same way at this age and once we cut his naps out, bedtime was much, much better.

Re: Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

7pm is a super early bedtime. What time does he wake up in the morning?

I'd push bedtime later. He's showing you that he doesn't need such an early bedtime.

I would not cut daytime naps out at 3yo. Day care will require he has at least a quiet time during nap time, so they can't force him to stay up. Plus, if he's falling asleep, he's showing you he needs that daytime nap. My almost 5yo gave up weekend naps a long time ago, but still takes his 1 hr nap in day care. I would never dream of telling them not to nap, nor can they legally keep him up. (You probably had to sign a paper about that at the beginning of the year.)

Toddler's Bedtime - Won't Stay in Bed

Since my first post, we've been starting bedtime around 8-8:30pm (on the weekend sometimes closer to 9pm). He wakes up around 6:30pm.

Last night, we probably started at 8:30, and he didn't go to sleep until 10pm. I have no problem letting him stay up later (especially if it reduces the night time conflict), but I just don't want him to get overtired either because that causes him to be in a bad mood at daycare.

Message edited 1/19/2018 2:23:35 PM.