Giving up career

I’m currently so unsure of what to do with myself.

I’ve been a teacher (MS ELA) for 10 years now. Currently, we just had our third kid, and I took a one year leave. Since we started having kids, DHs salary has substantially increased, and since I work at a private school, his bonuses are honestly larger than my salary. I take home very little with two kids in daycare, but I absolutely love what I do. We’re also not sure if we’re done having kids.

I’m supposed to go back next year, but I’m feeling incredibly guilty not staying home with my kids when there’s no monetary advantage to me working. Even if I were never to work again, it wouldn’t matter too much financially. I worry though that I’ll try to get to get a new job when all my kids are in school, and I won’t be able to after not working for awhile, and I worry about not contributing to retirement.

I realize this is such a first world problem, but I’m so torn.

Message edited 1/16/2019 10:10:25 AM.

Re: Giving up career

If you love your job and want to go back because you love it, worked hard for it and feel fulfilled doing it, don't ever feel guilty for that.

if you don't want to go back because you TRULY want to stay home, ,that's another story.

But there is no life script that says you have to stay home with your kids just because your DH makes a lot more than you.
And there is no shame in wanting to work, and use your degree, and do what you LOVE, just because you are a mom.
You kids will be fine- in fact they will be MORE than fine- with a working mom if that is what you want to do.

Message edited 1/16/2019 10:14:13 AM.

Re: Giving up career

Giving up career

It also doesn't have to be black or white. With your degree and experience, you would have no problem keeping your foot in the door by tutoring privately a few hours a week (which is very lucrative!), doing library or extension classes here and there, or grading for a company like Pearson. That's what I did, and I had no problem stepping back into my career a few years later.

Re: Giving up career

If you want to work, work.

I too am a better mom because I work.

I am also paranoid, you never know what life can throw at you. Job losses, death, illnesses, divorce, not to be morbid but you never know.

When I started my job I was married and 'happy'. I've been here almost 9 years and my life has totally changed. I left my then husband, had a raging custody battle and horrible divorce, met my current SO, etc, but my job has been my constant. And a support system in a way.

Re: Giving up career

Giving up career

I agree with PP. I am all for working if you want to. I feel like as long as I am bring in money (post daycare) and contributing to social security, my 401k etc that is all a plus. And I could never step back into my career if i left it. Not an option. So for me, i am happy with the work life balance. It is hard, dont get me wrong... but like PP said it all goes by so quickly!!

Giving up career

I’ll play devils advocate.
Your kids are only this small for such a short amount of time. You can always substitute teach so you can keep your foot in the door, and when they all start school full time you can go back.

Re: Giving up career

Funny timing with this. This morning a woman in my office, who is our filing clerk, she works part time, was complaining to me that she's almost 50 and feels lost. She was telling me that she had a career when she was young but gave it up to be a SAHM. Her youngest is off to college and she is trying to figure out what she is going to do. She's concerned about not having retirement. She said she's actually questioning her purpose at this point because what she felt was her purpose was has ended. She was saying how she doesn't know what she is going to do...she can only clean her house so much. Her DH still works. Her skill set from her previous career is antiquated at this point. I could tell she is really struggling.

In my stage, all I think about is how my life would be easier and my kids' lives could be better (meaning they could be more involved in things if I was around to drive them everywhere) if I was SAHM. I never thought twice about what happens later on. Hearing her really made me see how important it is to keep living my life for ME because the time is going to come when it's only ME I'm worried about.

Re: Giving up career

Message edited 1/16/2019 3:25:27 PM.

Giving up career

Thanks everyone for the perspectives. I suppose what I left out is that I do also enjoy being home with my kids. I find it to be slightly lonely at times, but I see a huge difference in my kids and their attitude/temperament/development when I’m home with them. It’s just so much to think about to make the decision.

Re: Giving up career

I think especially since you are at a private school you will be able to find a comparable new job (or maybe even a better one) when your kids are a little older and you feel ready. I am a also a teacher who is currently a SAHM by choice (my leave ends the sept after my twins are 4) and I will go back then A -bc they will be in school almost full time , and B I am in a public school that I LOVE and I dont want to lose that or start from the bottom someolace else. If I didn’t love my job/school I would probably give it another year or two. In the meantime next year I plan on subbing a few days a month to get my toes back in the water since I have been out for 3 years already.

Giving up career

If I could afford to loose my salary I would give up my career in a second and find something later on after my kids are in middle school. I’m luckily I work 2 days a week and feel grateful. If you don’t want to give up your career entirely how about doing in home consulting or in home instruction through an agency

Re: Giving up career

Re: Giving up career

Re: Giving up career

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by FirstMate

Funny timing with this. This morning a woman in my office, who is our filing clerk, she works part time, was complaining to me that she's almost 50 and feels lost. She was telling me that she had a career when she was young but gave it up to be a SAHM. Her youngest is off to college and she is trying to figure out what she is going to do. She's concerned about not having retirement. She said she's actually questioning her purpose at this point because what she felt was her purpose was has ended. She was saying how she doesn't know what she is going to do...she can only clean her house so much. Her DH still works. Her skill set from her previous career is antiquated at this point. I could tell she is really struggling.

In my stage, all I think about is how my life would be easier and my kids' lives could be better (meaning they could be more involved in things if I was around to drive them everywhere) if I was SAHM. I never thought twice about what happens later on. Hearing her really made me see how important it is to keep living my life for ME because the time is going to come when it's only ME I'm worried about.

I (happily) gave up my career in teaching to be a SAHM 10 years ago and what I learned early on is that it is REALLY important to have interests, experiences and hobbies that are for just for you outside of being a mom. I realize that this gig has an ending and one day my kids will grow up and find their own way in the world and when that happens I want to make sure that I prepared myself for that time when it's all about me again.

I don't want to return to work F/T (by the time my little one graduates HS I will be about 57) as I look forward to pursuing my own interests once they are grown. I've been taking steps while they are little so that I have meaning and purpose in my life both now and later when they are out of the house. I love to write and cook and that's why I started my cooking groups and blog which give me purpose and joy. I really LOVE every aspect of it and I'd like to turn both into a small little business for myself which is what I am working on now. I have other hobbies and things that I enjoy too so hopefully that keeps me busy as well down the road. If I ever miss teaching I can go back to being a substitute teacher or become a tutor but for now, I am content. I really think SO much of being home both with kids and without depends on who you are a person and your personality. For me, staying at home wasn't even a question for me.

OP.................You just have to do what makes you most happy. If your career brings you a lot of joy than continue to work and get that fulfillment, your kids will be just fine. If you really love being home with your kids and a career feels secondary to that, stay home and you can always find another job down the road. I know everyone says the same thing but it really is such a personal choice. Only you can decide what is best for you and your family. Best of luck with your decision, there is no wrong decision here so that should put your mind at ease.

Re: Giving up career

If we could have afforded it, I would have stayed home after my first child was born. Unfortunately we can't so I continue to work.... It would have been hard for me to get back into the workforce when I would be ready though (I know of someone who has a 10 year gap in her resume and having a hard time). Despite this, if given the choice, I still would have stayed home.

Do what makes you happy and your life easier!

Re: Giving up career

It’s a personal decision with no right Or wrong answer. For me, I would stay home until the baby was school aged. Can you tutor on the side to stay current and working? Think about how you can ramp up and make a business out of it when the kids are older if you can’t get back into a school job. I would have a hard time sending my baby to daycare if I didn’t have to. But others make a good point about not giving up your identity.

Re: Giving up career

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Message edited 3/29/2020 4:47:43 PM.