Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

DH and I need to hire a baby-sitter. We use my mom so much during the week, and MIL is going to be occupied with SIL's new baby soon, plus she is caring for her parents who are in their 90's. We just want to do the occasional date night without feeling like we're putting our parents out. And I'm having a hard time with it.

We have one DS who is 7. He's easy to handle. So that's not the issue. A couple of people on my local moms page have posted, but I don't know why I can't get over this. I'm nervous hiring someone off of my local town page. Any advice?

Message edited 2/3/2019 5:13:58 PM.

Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

I’ve had 3 sitters and found them all on my town’s fb page. I prefer college age over high school age. I had each one over for an “interview” before using them. I had a 4th one over for an interview and just did not feel her at all, so I never used her, My DD is 7 also and she has liked all 3 of her sitters. I think it’s fun for kids to have someone other than grandma watch them.

Re: Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

You send him to school?
It’s just like that.
He can talk, he can even call you on the phone if something goes wrong!!!
At 7, it’s a no issue!!!
I found the worst was before the kid could talk (because you have no clue what really goes on).
My parents watched my kids too and also have other obligations. I find after 3 years old, the kid is probably old enough to be fine. We love our current babysitter. She was hired off a neighbor!

Re: Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

Trust your instincts. Personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable with someone off a FB group unless we had a contact in common IRL. There’s a LOT of crazy out there. We’ve gotten 2 sitters by getting to know staffers at our daycare/preschool and another through our best friends. Ask around, you’ll get leads- and you’ll definitely have a better time when you’re out knowing your kids aren’t home w a stranger.

Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

At 7, I wouldn’t be too concerned. As a PP said, he can tell you what is going on when you’re not there.

We have no family by us so we have always needed to use a sitter. I used to teach in my town so I had a few former students do it initially when he was very little and couldn’t talk. Now, I use one of my old coworker’s children. She has 4 so I am set until my son turns 10 - LOL

Re: Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

I am a teacher (I feel like you work in a school also, if I remember correctly...) and I found one babysitter by asking around among permanent subs and new teachers. Many times they are babysitting as second jobs and you know they are background checked, etc.
Having a non-family babysitter is freeing...you can stay out without feeling bad about making your parents drive home late and you can tell them how you want things to be done!

Re: Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

Using a non-family member as a babysitter is a relief!

I think about it like this: I don't have to feel guilty b/c I'm interfering with my parents free time; I don't feel bad telling my MIL she needs to do things "my way" instead of hers"; I don't feel like I have to rush home b/c FIL has a long drive home.

At 7yo, your son is capable of telling you what happened. Hire someone you feel comfortable with or a neighbor. Try using her (or him) for an hour or 2 during the day when you're local and take it from there. You'll be happy you did it!

Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

i can relate.... my parents live 2 hours away, and my ILs live 4.5 hours away. and even when we visit or they visit, they really don't have much interest in watching our boys so we can go out. (the boys are 8 and 5 and can definitely be a handful!!)
so.... we pretty much never go out :-/ i could find a non family person to watch them.... and its not necessarily that i don't trust non-family... but its more just the work involved. if DH and i are going out to eat, i have to run around making sure the boys eat before the sitter gets here and we leave... or worry about getting something that the sitter can feed them easily that they'll actually eat... making sure my house is somewhat straightened up and that everybody knows where things like Pajamas are, what time bedtime is, and all that stuff..... its a lot of work, plus like $70 or $80 on top of that to pay the sitter.
so, we just settle for putting the kids to bed early and getting take out here, or going out for lunch during the week (I'm a SAHM, and my DH is off every other friday so we get the morning together before I have to pick the younger one up from preschool at 12:30.
It really stinks, but it is what it is right now.... and i figure in a couple years, our 8 year old will be old enough to be in charge for a few hours while we go out HAHA

Re: Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

Re: Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by ml110

i can relate.... my parents live 2 hours away, and my ILs live 4.5 hours away. and even when we visit or they visit, they really don't have much interest in watching our boys so we can go out. (the boys are 8 and 5 and can definitely be a handful!!)
so.... we pretty much never go out :-/ i could find a non family person to watch them.... and its not necessarily that i don't trust non-family... but its more just the work involved. if DH and i are going out to eat, i have to run around making sure the boys eat before the sitter gets here and we leave... or worry about getting something that the sitter can feed them easily that they'll actually eat... making sure my house is somewhat straightened up and that everybody knows where things like Pajamas are, what time bedtime is, and all that stuff..... its a lot of work, plus like $70 or $80 on top of that to pay the sitter.
so, we just settle for putting the kids to bed early and getting take out here, or going out for lunch during the week (I'm a SAHM, and my DH is off every other friday so we get the morning together before I have to pick the younger one up from preschool at 12:30.
It really stinks, but it is what it is right now.... and i figure in a couple years, our 8 year old will be old enough to be in charge for a few hours while we go out HAHA

Same.
We just take DD out to dinner with us every Saturday night. There is nothing we can do without her there that we can't do with her there.
We aren't the type to go on "dates" and start lovingly into each other's eyes or be all romantic.

She goes to nice, upscale restaurants with us, so it's not like we can only go to a chain or something.
I have wine or a cocktail.
I really don't feel like we're missing out.
I'd have to clean my house to have a sitter over and that is more work than a few hours alone at dinner is worth to be 100% honest!

Re: Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

Posted by M514

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by ml110

i can relate.... my parents live 2 hours away, and my ILs live 4.5 hours away. and even when we visit or they visit, they really don't have much interest in watching our boys so we can go out. (the boys are 8 and 5 and can definitely be a handful!!)
so.... we pretty much never go out :-/ i could find a non family person to watch them.... and its not necessarily that i don't trust non-family... but its more just the work involved. if DH and i are going out to eat, i have to run around making sure the boys eat before the sitter gets here and we leave... or worry about getting something that the sitter can feed them easily that they'll actually eat... making sure my house is somewhat straightened up and that everybody knows where things like Pajamas are, what time bedtime is, and all that stuff..... its a lot of work, plus like $70 or $80 on top of that to pay the sitter.
so, we just settle for putting the kids to bed early and getting take out here, or going out for lunch during the week (I'm a SAHM, and my DH is off every other friday so we get the morning together before I have to pick the younger one up from preschool at 12:30.
It really stinks, but it is what it is right now.... and i figure in a couple years, our 8 year old will be old enough to be in charge for a few hours while we go out HAHA

Same.
We just take DD out to dinner with us every Saturday night. There is nothing we can do without her there that we can't do with her there.
We aren't the type to go on "dates" and start lovingly into each other's eyes or be all romantic.

She goes to nice, upscale restaurants with us, so it's not like we can only go to a chain or something.
I have wine or a cocktail.
I really don't feel like we're missing out.
I'd have to clean my house to have a sitter over and that is more work than a few hours alone at dinner is worth to be 100% honest!

It’s actually very rare that we use a sitter for a dinner date night. We go out with friends a lot and my Dh has a rotating shift where he works a lot of night shifts, so if I want to go out with friends while he’s at work then I need to book a sitter. We are going to a concert in the city next month so I need a sitter for that. We go out once a week to dinner with Dd also and never go the “kid” type restaurants.

Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

I've never had anyone who WAS family watch my DD so I don't know any differently. She's a daycare kid so we've always been able to have a teacher or assistant who we (and she) knew.

If your DS is 7 he is likely pretty self sufficient and clearly able to communicate. He would tell you if something seemed off and the babysitter obviously knows that. Is the issue having someone in your house?

Re: Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by ml110

i can relate.... my parents live 2 hours away, and my ILs live 4.5 hours away. and even when we visit or they visit, they really don't have much interest in watching our boys so we can go out. (the boys are 8 and 5 and can definitely be a handful!!)
so.... we pretty much never go out :-/ i could find a non family person to watch them.... and its not necessarily that i don't trust non-family... but its more just the work involved. if DH and i are going out to eat, i have to run around making sure the boys eat before the sitter gets here and we leave... or worry about getting something that the sitter can feed them easily that they'll actually eat... making sure my house is somewhat straightened up and that everybody knows where things like Pajamas are, what time bedtime is, and all that stuff..... its a lot of work, plus like $70 or $80 on top of that to pay the sitter.
so, we just settle for putting the kids to bed early and getting take out here, or going out for lunch during the week (I'm a SAHM, and my DH is off every other friday so we get the morning together before I have to pick the younger one up from preschool at 12:30.
It really stinks, but it is what it is right now.... and i figure in a couple years, our 8 year old will be old enough to be in charge for a few hours while we go out HAHA

Same.
We just take DD out to dinner with us every Saturday night. There is nothing we can do without her there that we can't do with her there.
We aren't the type to go on "dates" and start lovingly into each other's eyes or be all romantic.

She goes to nice, upscale restaurants with us, so it's not like we can only go to a chain or something.
I have wine or a cocktail.
I really don't feel like we're missing out.
I'd have to clean my house to have a sitter over and that is more work than a few hours alone at dinner is worth to be 100% honest!

Re: Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

Re: Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by ml110

i can relate.... my parents live 2 hours away, and my ILs live 4.5 hours away. and even when we visit or they visit, they really don't have much interest in watching our boys so we can go out. (the boys are 8 and 5 and can definitely be a handful!!)
so.... we pretty much never go out :-/ i could find a non family person to watch them.... and its not necessarily that i don't trust non-family... but its more just the work involved. if DH and i are going out to eat, i have to run around making sure the boys eat before the sitter gets here and we leave... or worry about getting something that the sitter can feed them easily that they'll actually eat... making sure my house is somewhat straightened up and that everybody knows where things like Pajamas are, what time bedtime is, and all that stuff..... its a lot of work, plus like $70 or $80 on top of that to pay the sitter.
so, we just settle for putting the kids to bed early and getting take out here, or going out for lunch during the week (I'm a SAHM, and my DH is off every other friday so we get the morning together before I have to pick the younger one up from preschool at 12:30.
It really stinks, but it is what it is right now.... and i figure in a couple years, our 8 year old will be old enough to be in charge for a few hours while we go out HAHA

Same.
We just take DD out to dinner with us every Saturday night. There is nothing we can do without her there that we can't do with her there.
We aren't the type to go on "dates" and start lovingly into each other's eyes or be all romantic.

She goes to nice, upscale restaurants with us, so it's not like we can only go to a chain or something.
I have wine or a cocktail.
I really don't feel like we're missing out.
I'd have to clean my house to have a sitter over and that is more work than a few hours alone at dinner is worth to be 100% honest!

We've just started taking DD out to "nicer" restaurants. Now, I won't take her anywhere very high end because as well behaved as she is, she's only 3. But the goal is to take her anywhere in the next few years.

Like you, DH and I aren't canoodling on the same side of a booth or holding hands across the table.

Re: Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

Thanks everyone. To answer a couple of questions, I am worried about having someone I don’t know that well in my home. A nanny cam could help with that though. I do work in a school and the permanent sub idea is a good one, but my school is close to the north shore and I live on the south shore, and most of the subs live in the area of my school so I’m not sure if it’s worth it to them. We have no problem bringing DS with us places, but there’s a bar with a great music scene in our town that we’ve been dying to try.

I’ll have to ask for recommendations from my friends.

Help me get over hiring a baby-sitter who isn't family

My kids are 8 and 6. We’ve been using a sitter for the past 2 years now and it’s wonderful! No more worrying about having to be home super early so my in-laws are driving home late at night. You need time with your dh. Most of our sitters have been the nieces of our friends. College students. One of our sitters is a girl that is a counselor st my daughters camp. Also a college student. I was like you. Afraid to have sitters. But there came a point where dh and I needed to get out without the kids. We have three and taking them to dinner with us Is just miserable. It wasnhirtingnout relationship. We couldn’t even have a conversation. We started out small. With our first sitter we were gone only for an hour so the kids could get to know her. Then we worked up to longer. Now we go out with friends once in a while, go to concerts, go to dinner alone. It’s nice. We have 2 sitters that we switch on and off with and they’re both very local so we don’t have to worry about them driving far when we come home sometimes around midnight.