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Mommyof4
LIF Zygote
Member since 6/19 1 total post
Name:
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How to approach same sex marriage
My 8 year old daughter has been asking me lately if boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls. I figured the kids in school were talking about it or maybe she saw something on YouTube. I explained to her that boys can love and marry boys and girls can love and marry girls if that's how they feel. I didn't want to get too into it bc she's not ready for the talk about sex. Tonight we were talking about being married and having a husband. She said, "Mommy, I want to have a wife. I want to marry my friend Samantha." I said, ok, you want to be friends or actually be married to her like daddy and I are? She answered, oh yea, I want to marry her. My question is: how can I figure out if this is just something silly or if she truly has these feelings? If she does, I don't want to just ignore it. I would want her to feel comfortable to talk to me about it. Should I bring it up again or just drop it? Am I reading too much into it? We will love and support her regardless. I just want to make sure I handle it correctly.
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Posted 6/12/19 10:29 PM  |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
Since she's only 8 I would say she doesn't understand romantic love. My DD used to say she wants to marry her daddy.
I would think she is saying it because she really likes being with her friend and is too.young to really understand what a marriage is
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| Posted 6/12/19 10:32 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
I think for 8 you handled it well. I would just tell her you love her and whomever she marries will be lucky to have her as a wife. I would let her guide you.
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| Posted 6/12/19 11:13 PM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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How to approach same sex marriage
I agree with both posters above, and I think you handled it fine.
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| Posted 6/13/19 5:46 AM |
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M514
Hi
Member since 8/10 6011 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
Posted by LSP2005
I think for 8 you handled it well. I would just tell her you love her and whomever she marries will be lucky to have her as a wife. I would let her guide you.
This. You handled it perfectly. I would have said the same thing as you.
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| Posted 6/13/19 7:41 AM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21539 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
I agree with everyone else - you handled it perfectly. DD and I have had similar conversations and what you said is exactly what I say.
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| Posted 6/13/19 8:20 AM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
Posted by LSP2005
I think for 8 you handled it well. I would just tell her you love her and whomever she marries will be lucky to have her as a wife. I would let her guide you.
This.
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| Posted 6/13/19 9:06 AM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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How to approach same sex marriage
I say all the time that I need a wife. Someone to do all the things my husband expects me to do while I am busy doing all the things he should be doing. Doesn't mean I am attracted to women. I think you handled it fine, and that your DD is 8. Not really understanding the concept of marriage for love. My son wants to paint his fingernails because he gets mad that I do and he can't. He's 7.
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| Posted 6/13/19 12:59 PM |
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
Posted by jamnmore
I say all the time that I need a wife. Someone to do all the things my husband expects me to do while I am busy doing all the things he should be doing. Doesn't mean I am attracted to women. I think you handled it fine, and that your DD is 8. Not really understanding the concept of marriage for love. My son wants to paint his fingernails because he gets mad that I do and he can't. He's 7.
Why can't he? My son got a pedicure with me when he was 7 and got his nails painted blue.
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| Posted 6/13/19 1:22 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
Posted by jamnmore
I say all the time that I need a wife. Someone to do all the things my husband expects me to do while I am busy doing all the things he should be doing. Doesn't mean I am attracted to women. I think you handled it fine, and that your DD is 8. Not really understanding the concept of marriage for love. My son wants to paint his fingernails because he gets mad that I do and he can't. He's 7.
Why would you need a wife to do things around the house if you have a husband?
My DH used to get dragged to the salon with my MIL when he was little and used to love getting a manicure with clear polish. It had no detrimental effects on him.
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| Posted 6/13/19 2:29 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by jamnmore
I say all the time that I need a wife. Someone to do all the things my husband expects me to do while I am busy doing all the things he should be doing. Doesn't mean I am attracted to women. I think you handled it fine, and that your DD is 8. Not really understanding the concept of marriage for love. My son wants to paint his fingernails because he gets mad that I do and he can't. He's 7.
Why would you need a wife to do things around the house if you have a husband?
My DH used to get dragged to the salon with my MIL when he was little and used to love getting a manicure with clear polish. It had no detrimental effects on him.
Because apparently the stereotype is that men are lazy and useless and women have to do everything.
Clearly they haven't met me. Or my husband.
He's the neat one. He does everything. I do basically nothing.
I clearly am missing a "woman" gene.
Message edited 6/13/2019 2:38:19 PM.
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| Posted 6/13/19 2:38 PM |
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WannaBeAMom11
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 7391 total posts
Name:
Name
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How to approach same sex marriage
Your reply was perfect. My dd is 6 and remarked it was icky when she saw two girls kiss. That upset me and we had a 6 year old conversation about love. It still confuses her which is ok but it’s not ok to say it’s icky. What’s strange is two guys doesn’t bother her at all, her cousin is gay and married and they kiss all the time but two girls bothered her.
Message edited 6/13/2019 3:17:28 PM.
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| Posted 6/13/19 3:16 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
My 7 year old said the same thing to me recently. He told me he had a crush on another boy in his class. He took me so off guard. Then we basically had the same discussion you had with your DD. I don't know if this is wrong or not but I did tell him that we keep our crushes a secret. I didn't want him saying that in school and having some adverse reaction negatively effect him. I also did not want the boy he has/had the "crush" on to feel embarrassed, uncomfortable or upset. It's one of his good friends. TBH, I don't think he truly understands what having a crush really means.
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| Posted 6/13/19 11:20 PM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
I think your reaction was perfectly appropriate. I don't think young children view these things as right or wrong, but rather just the way of the world.
I think your daughter really likes her friend and doesn't see marriage as a male-female thing, which is great.
DD is 4 and has twins in her daycare that have 2 moms. DD thinks it's perfectly natural. She says they are lucky they have 2 moms, so we discuss how some kids have a mom and a dad, 2 moms, 2 dads, only a mom or a dad, etc. It's just nice to have people who love you and who you love.
Romantic love feels develop later towards the teen years.
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| Posted 6/14/19 9:21 AM |
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Michi
My Love
Member since 5/05 31600 total posts
Name:
M
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How to approach same sex marriage
In my daughters class one of the girls has two mom's and there is a boy who has divorced parents who are both remarried, so he has two sets of parents. I have always made every family situation amazing. Wow, she has two mom's! Omg they get two mom's and two dad's! Wow she gets to spend so much time with just her (single) mom. Oh she's lucky she gets her grandparents to take her home from school. All different types of families and love.
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| Posted 6/14/19 10:24 AM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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How to approach same sex marriage
I think you handled it just fine. For any future conversations, just answer the questions the same way you would if she said she wanted to marry a boy in her class. Treat it as if it's just as common and then she won't get the feeling that there is anything to feel uncomfortable about
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| Posted 6/14/19 10:46 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
I say... usually men marry women and women marry men. Sometimes men marry men and women marry women. It just depends on who you fall in love with and you won’t know that until you are grown up because it’s a different kind of love... an adult kind of love. I didn’t know or love daddy til we met and I was 26.
We have many gay couples we know. Teachers, staff, friends, neighbors. That’s easy and easily accepted (kids even asked where the sperm/egg came from for them to have a kid because they know how babies are made).
There is a transsexual kid in my 1st grader’s grade and we knew another well. That was an even easier conversation.
I just do upfront conversations. My kids don’t even think anything of it.
As for your kid wanting to marry her friend... that’s super common. Just affirm that she loves spending time with her.
And honestly.... I’d have the sex conversation now. Just how babies are made and what parts are involved. Kids at school def know. My kids knew and talked about it in K. I think lack of knowledge opens kids up to potentially bad situations!!!
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| Posted 6/14/19 5:06 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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How to approach same sex marriage
I think what you said is fine. DD (6) asked about it. I said you can marry whoever you love when you are of age
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| Posted 6/15/19 10:22 PM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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How to approach same sex marriage
My girl friend and I used to say we were going to get married when we grow up and adopt monkeys instead of having kids. We didn't want to have to marry a gross boy. Once we got a bit older we both decided we liked gross boys. Could definitely just be her not really understanding.
I tell my kids that you are allowed to date/marry whoever you want. Most relationships are a man and a woman but it's fine too if it's two men or two women. We have a few homosexual friends but my kids are too young to really notice.
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| Posted 6/16/19 9:26 AM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by jamnmore
I say all the time that I need a wife. Someone to do all the things my husband expects me to do while I am busy doing all the things he should be doing. Doesn't mean I am attracted to women. I think you handled it fine, and that your DD is 8. Not really understanding the concept of marriage for love. My son wants to paint his fingernails because he gets mad that I do and he can't. He's 7.
Why can't he? My son got a pedicure with me when he was 7 and got his nails painted blue.
If he could sit still for more than 2 minutes he is more than welcome to get a pedicure or a manicure. He literally can't sit still that long. Taking him to a salon would be a nightmare.
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| Posted 6/17/19 10:26 AM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by jamnmore
I say all the time that I need a wife. Someone to do all the things my husband expects me to do while I am busy doing all the things he should be doing. Doesn't mean I am attracted to women. I think you handled it fine, and that your DD is 8. Not really understanding the concept of marriage for love. My son wants to paint his fingernails because he gets mad that I do and he can't. He's 7.
Why would you need a wife to do things around the house if you have a husband?
My DH used to get dragged to the salon with my MIL when he was little and used to love getting a manicure with clear polish. It had no detrimental effects on him.
I have a husband who does nothing. He does not fix anything, he does not cook or clean. He is out of our house 85-90 hours a week and only has 1 day off. I am expected to do everything around the house. I also work full time and run a business from home. But he expects me to do all of the household responsibilities, like I don't work. And I am tired. So I joke that I need a wife, ie someone like me who can do everything.
And for the record, when I say my son wants to paint his fingernails and can't, we are talking about a kid who wants everything. He could walk into Victoria's Secret and try to convince me he needs a bra. He just wants, constantly. He does not actually want to paint his nails because he has never been told that he can't. He just wants to do it because I did it. When I offered to paint them for him, he declined.
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| Posted 6/17/19 10:33 AM |
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Ghostowl02
LIF Zygote
Member since 3/19 32 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
Ignore it. At this age they say whatever pops into their heads. I’m not saying she may not be gay, but it’s too young for her to know how she feels yet. My oldests bff said something similar about her when they were 7 or 8. Now they are 12 and no longer discuss marriage lol
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| Posted 6/17/19 12:05 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
Posted by jamnmore
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by jamnmore
I say all the time that I need a wife. Someone to do all the things my husband expects me to do while I am busy doing all the things he should be doing. Doesn't mean I am attracted to women. I think you handled it fine, and that your DD is 8. Not really understanding the concept of marriage for love. My son wants to paint his fingernails because he gets mad that I do and he can't. He's 7.
Why would you need a wife to do things around the house if you have a husband?
My DH used to get dragged to the salon with my MIL when he was little and used to love getting a manicure with clear polish. It had no detrimental effects on him.
I have a husband who does nothing. He does not fix anything, he does not cook or clean. He is out of our house 85-90 hours a week and only has 1 day off. I am expected to do everything around the house. I also work full time and run a business from home. But he expects me to do all of the household responsibilities, like I don't work. And I am tired. So I joke that I need a wife, ie someone like me who can do everything.
And for the record, when I say my son wants to paint his fingernails and can't, we are talking about a kid who wants everything. He could walk into Victoria's Secret and try to convince me he needs a bra. He just wants, constantly. He does not actually want to paint his nails because he has never been told that he can't. He just wants to do it because I did it. When I offered to paint them for him, he declined.
I’m sorry about your husband. That’s a lot to put on someone and that sucks.
Your son sounds like a cool little dude who has a bright future as an attorney ahead of him. 
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| Posted 6/17/19 1:11 PM |
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IVFmiracle
Complete
Member since 12/12 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to approach same sex marriage
At 8 it is totally developmentally appropriate to have a child who is concentrating on developing same sex friendships. It's a weird age for girls where they are old enough to realize there are differences between boys and girls, but not old enough where they are starting to think about it romantically.
I wouldn't think too much about it for another couple of years and like you said, you will love her either way.
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| Posted 7/5/19 1:53 PM |
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