difference between one child or multiple

I have 1 son who's 10 and I'm dating someone with 4 kids (ranging from 5-12). I'm very used to the only kid dynamic and my son is a great kid. I've gotten used to the quiet (although he can definitely be loud sometimes) and now that he's older he can entertain himself without bugging me every 5 minutes to play with him or for a snack.

So, I find it difficult sometimes to hang out at my boyfriend's house with the constant chaos of 4 kids. The 2 boys have ADHD, and one of the boys is mostly blind.

We're not even close to getting to the point of moving in together, but I do occasionally think about our future. So - I'm curious about the differences in having an only child vs having multiple. What is typical sibling behavior? How did you navigate going from 1 to multiple if your kids have a wide age difference?

difference between one child or multiple

Hmmm this is a tough question to answer. I have two boys. They are both loud and energetic most of the time. They play nicely together one minute, the next they are wrestling and jumping off the furniture. They are good kids, just very young with lots of energy. I think the main difference is that there are not "your" kids. You are walking into a house where the rules are established and they are not your own. I think that is where things vary more than 1 vs 4. Maybe someone who is a step parent can weigh in.

Re: difference between one child or multiple

I think there is a huge difference between one and two, two can entertain one another. But one and four, or five if you add in your own child is an entirely different animal. The number of schedules to coordinate, the background noises, the jumble of shoes, etc. is such an enormous difference. That is not even taking into consideration any special needs. I am one of three kids, and growing up my neighbor was one of six kids. There is always someone in your business, but at the same time, there is someone to play with.

Re: difference between one child or multiple

I don't think that 4 kids between 5 and 12 years old is a wide age difference. that would make them all roughly 2 - 3 years apart.

As for having more than one children, I have three and yes it can be very chaotic. Way more chaotic than I would imagine having one child is because now you are juggling 3 or 4 times as many schedules, 3-4x the amount of homework, doctors appts, laundry etc. The list goes on...

I'm not sure I could move in with someone that had kids if I was divorced. I think I would wait until my children and theirs were all out of the house in college.

difference between one child or multiple

Houses with more children are going to be noisier and potentially more chaotic. I have an only child. He’s well behaved and can entertain himself. Our house is relatively quiet. He can, however, be a crazy 5 year old at times.

My sister, on the other hand, has three children very close in age (3-6). They are great kids and play well together but her house is way more chaotic than mine. Someone is always yelling or having a meltdown. When we visit, my son adds to the chaos and then there is just one more kid who is screaming or melting down. I think it is the nature of the beast when you’re talking about more than one kid - especially when it’s family and they’re comfortable with one another.

Message edited 2/12/2020 8:40:38 PM.

Re: difference between one child or multiple

We have 3 kids and have a very loud, chaotic house. It’s not bad in any way... they are loving, helping, competing, fighting, testing boundaries and growing. It’s definitely different when they have older and younger “equals” to boss around and bother. It’s definitely a different relationship between a kid and parents or a kid and friends.

It sounds like you are getting in a more complex situation than my 3 kids.

Re: difference between one child or multiple

difference between one child or multiple

I also have an only child. I don’t think I could deal with the chaos of 4 more kids.

My DH is one of 3 and it sounds like they spent more time in the ER then at home. Someone was always breaking a bone or slicing their foot or whatever they did. The kids never really got along, either. Fought constantly.

If you don’t plan on living together I think it’s perfectly ok for you to limit your time with his kids. If you do want to eventually live with him you’ll need to accept the kids. I would think long and hard about that not just for your sake, but for your son’s.

Re: difference between one child or multiple

Re: difference between one child or multiple

I only have one kid and can't imagine adding 4 more into the mix practically overnight. But... Think of it this way. In 8 years, your ten year old might be going off to college or getting a job. Now his 4 kids aged 5-12, I am not quite sure where the twins fall into that mix and how much the adhd and blindness might affect their futures (meaning being reliant on the parent still)... but by like 13-16 the kids start to want to just be in their room, hang outside of the house with their friends more and overall start doing "adult" type things. there will be less rough housing and kids going all crazy. I mean it will still be hectic. there will still be noise and fights. but 5-13 is the crazy time. once everyone is over 13 the dynamic will shift majorly and by 18 they could maybe even be out of the house or more focused on work and academics.

Re: difference between one child or multiple

Posted by Funkybutt

Posted by LuckyStar

If you don’t plan on living together I think it’s perfectly ok for you to limit your time with his kids. If you do want to eventually live with him you’ll need to accept the kids. I would think long and hard about that not just for your sake, but for your son’s.

Yeah, that's part of why I'm curious about what's normal behavior. I certainly don't want to make things difficult for my son, but I don't know what's typical sibling dynamic vs me having low tolerance after only raising 1 for so long. It's definitely easier for me to change my outlook than for 5 kids to give me peace and quiet.

Re: difference between one child or multiple

Re: difference between one child or multiple