Man-datory Negotiations: Can You Convince Him To Help Out More?

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

I was watching Oprah during my workout the other day, a show that focused on women/mothers around the world, and in many cultures women are as they put it becoming the “man” of the house.

From holding down a full-time job to raising a family and tending to all their mate’s needs as well as keeping up with the home, they do it all.

And, all their men are required to do is go to work.

I then realized, that while these women perhaps have it more extreme than most of us, many ladies struggle with balancing career and home, and may feel that there man just isn’t contributing enough. And, this can leave many ladies feeling the single moms.

Let’s face it, we want our men to see things the way we do, to notice the piece of paper by our stoop that doesn’t belong there, the dust on the floor and furniture that needs constant upkeep and the yard work that needs to be done (without our constant “reminding”).

However, experts assert that men are wired differently and what we see as being of major importance may seem somewhat “minor” to them. And, that’s why they may eagerly seek acknowledgment and credit for completing simple tasks (they otherwise might have put off) such as taking out the garbage or loading the dishwasher.

And, getting them to do more, note experts may be a matter of what YOU do and how YOU do it.

They suggest that with most couples being comprised of two partners that need to work, it’s likely that each of you is feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated. And each of you may be focusing on having YOUR wants and needs fulfilled, if not winning, rather than working on an acceptable compromise, and this often compromises the relationship.

This, note experts, is the time to call a “time out” and take some time alone and apart to focus on how YOU can contribute to making the situation better. Remember, if each of you gives 100%, its likely neither of you will be disappointed.

Take time to figure out when both of you can spend quality time together. Also come up with things you enjoy and would like to enjoy doing with your mate.

Next make a list of what needs to be done around the house (according to you) and how you can see it getting done. Also make sure to include what YOUR daily and/or weekly duties are and how much you actually get done, and present you point of view lovingly explaining yourself and your “solution” (to the problem). Plus, make sure to keep the relationship (not the “neglected” chores) a priority. Mention the tasks you find the most challenging or most time consuming and find a mutually acceptable way to please both of you and meet both your needs. And, each of you should be ready, willing, and able to step up to the plate and offer your advice and help in helping the other party with his or her hurdles.