Troubled Waters: Challenges Every Couples Faces And What To Do

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

You’ve dated and/or known each other for years, or like many couples met when you were a bit “older” and felt you were a good enough judge of character and didn’t have to.

Regardless, you finally tied the knot, or are just about to, and are NOW having second thoughts. In fact, you may look at your partner and think, “what was I thinking?” And, you may find that you’re even getting along less and fighting more.

The good news is that it’s all normal and all part of being (getting) married, according to the experts. And they add that there are three key areas where you may begin to experience difficulty.

1. Everything Is An Ordeal: And, to boot, it, the arguing never stops. Changes are this is just part of your transitional phase. Regardless of if you lived with your folks before you said “I Do”, on your own, or with each other, certain routines and obligations (perhaps some unforeseen or new to both of you) have you feeling a bit, well, “confined” and as if you are giving up more of your “freedom” than you expected or wanted to. Plus, this is likely new to both of you, and you need to figure it all out. Take your time and give the other person enough time to adjust, even if it’s only to the new title and how friends, family, and society may now view the both of your and the expectations that will follow. Most of all try not to let your “eagerness” get the best of you, but rather keep your cook especially when tempers flair, and discussions risk the potential of turning “ugly”. Take note of both your trigger points and try to walk away from a fight rather than fan the flames of fury. Then, when you’ve both cooled down, present your point and position without pointing the finger or making accusations. Finally work hard, together at finding better ways of communicating and ensuring your both living up to your respective expectations of pleasing your partner.

2. You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling: And, you thought you were going to get married and have sex any time you wanted to. Well, quite often the opposite is true, especially since most of the time the urgency to “be” together wanes once you begin sharing your bed and your space. Let’s face it most couples, prior to marriage tried to make the most of their time together, but once you realize you’re mate is not going home, this IS home, you may become inclined to put off intimacy UNTIL you take care of some other “pressing” issues. Bottom line, your priorities change. And, since you see each other all the time, that insatiable desire “til next time” likely no longer takes effect.

Experts suggest, once you realize this, immediately head to the boudoir and do not pass go. They suggest that sometimes even the most loving couples have to be reminded of how good “intimacy” is, since most of us tend to put it off for other obligations (laundry, dinner, kids, paying bills, etc.). But, even a “quickie” can help rekindle the sparks of romance.

They also suggest keeping in contact (literally) as often as possible. Hold hands when you walk or talk and cuddle up close on the couch, even if all you’re going to do is watch TV. And, don’t forget to look at your mate and literally lock into their gaze and what’s going on when you are together.

3. Too Close For Comfort: It’s easy to begin to feel like you’ve lost yourself and your individuality to the relationship. In fact most of us may feel like we MUST plan all our time and all our days around our mate. But, the experts say we DON’T. In fact, they suggest time apart, as long as your mate is okay with it, and you let him/her know where you are going and what you are doing and “approve”. After all no one likes to worry or be left guessing.

Try not to take advantage or engage in activities that your partner disapproves of or hanging with friends he or she has issue with, but other than that stay true to you so that you CAN (willingly) stay true to your mate and your relationship. And, encourage your mate to do the same.