And Then There Were None: Diplomatic Dealings With DH’s Crowd

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

I’ve always been, with the exception of a few years between my teens and early 20s pretty picky about the guys I dated. After all they’d have to at least be, if not marriage material, someone I could introduce comfortably to mom, family, and my very picky entourage of friends.

In high school, I always dated the “geeks”, and one I was out of college found myself with a serious BF, one that was the “one of the good guys”. And, now my husband is much the same.

Still, I’ve found that even the “good guys” have a “bad boy” that lies concealed within and they reveal it through their friends. That’s right, for every “great catch” I’ve ever known, even those that remained just friends, there were those friends that you desperately wanted to throw back.

And, you keep hoping, that like a bad habit, he’ll kick them too. Until then, you are faced with the frustration of watching the man you love (and married) act like on of the boys (you can’t stomach or stand). Worse yet, you may be forced to make nice with the women in their lives, many of whom they call wives.

Just remember, that your DH may have his opinion about your friends too. And, its not likely your giving THEM up any time soon. So, here’s perhaps one of the first areas you’ll be called to compromise in and apply the old adage that love is blind, by turning a blind eye and perhaps a deaf ear.

And, if you need some extra help dealing, here’s some cleaver coping skills.

1. Find a way to back out gracefully: Your spouse probably knows how much you “like” his friends AND exactly what you think of them. And, even if you love your husband’s friends you may not feel the love from their wives. No use in repeating it. This will only create a rift between the two of you. Encourage your hubby to use THIS “bonding” time as HIS night out…perhaps even a guys night out. In fact, you may find something that will make your backing out more viable, like getting involved in a social function, on nights when you know his buds and their gals will be around. You can also use this “downtime” to catch up on things you’d like to do, have to do, or just for some relaxing and/or bonding of your own.

2. Take a “the more the merrier approach”: If it’s just one or two or even three individuals you “can’t stand” or whose spouse bothers you, spice things up by adding a flavor of your own by inviting a group of your entourage to join you. You can also ask DH to invite a few folks that he know you like. While you’ll still be faced with dealing with some less than favorable folks, it will be much more bearable with when you add some fun additions to the mix.

3. Work on breaking down negative barriers: Try to figure out WHAT it is about the person that you don’t like. Is it his/her general attitude, belief system, and overall actions? Or, is it the fact that they simply talk too loud, too much, too little, or lament about the same issues continually without taking any actions. And, you may want to assess any of these person’s redeeming qualities. Then, depending on your evaluation, you may decide that for the most part, they are not “that bad”, and as long as you keep your interactions limited you can “suck it up”, especially if it helps keep the peace in your home and relationship.