A Mom’s Life: How NOT To Become A Member Of The Parent Trap

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

It’s simply a fact of life that life changes. Let’s face it, even as far back as high school, the “click” you were accepted into and hung out with often reflected not only your own academic and personal mores, but also your social status and accomplishments. And, people who were dating often hung out with other people who were dating (and preferably dating people they liked). Plus, more frequently than not, as we approached the higher grades, even as adolescents, we found that many of our coupled friends were more into spending time with their boyfriend or girlfriend than with us, (even if we too were involved in a relationship) and chances are we felt the same.

This social pattern then infringed on our life after high school as friends got “serious”, moved in together, started careers, got married, and started families. And, it was especially evident and apparent if we were NOT on the same page or in the same place in life.

According to experts, people becoming (more ensconsed) in their own life and agenda as they mature is more common than not, especially in a day and age where women are also in the workforce full-time basically starting in their teens. The added responsibility of career, apartment, home, spouse, and kids, only adds to the responsibilities, and detracts from the time we have to do the things we use to when living “at home”.

And, with each added responsibility comes what may seem to many (ladies especially) less and less time to concentrate on other areas of their lives, including external “relationships” and “friendships”. This is especially apparent when girlfriends begin to have children.

According to experts this can incite many feeling in those that are still single, or have yet to have a family of their own. They note that many ladies may experience emotions ranging from regrets about their own choices, fear of losing friends to playgroups and other moms and a bit of grief over perhaps their own fertility issues. And, they add, that even with girlfriends who are each content with their respective lot in life and decision, a baby more often than not means that the relationship will need to be redefined and “redesigned”. They key to keeping and saving the friendship: honesty and an open mind (about working around mom’s new schedule).

Experts add that either way, it’s natural for women to “envy” their friend, whether she’s the one with the baby, or the more carefree, child-free life.

Still, getting past each of your “issues” will be easier if you learn the art of honesty and communication. It’s perfectly fine to tell you’re friend that you feel she is neglecting your (once) intellectual conversations for those revolving around the antics of her little one(s) and, if you’re the mom, you can express “jealously” about your friends childfree adventures.

Furthermore, experts add that each lady has to do some mental and emotional adjusting of her own with regard to her friend. The one with the child needs to understand that although she is a mom (a VERY important job), she is still a woman, wife, friend, etc. and that she is entitled to and deserves some “mom-free” time. The lady without the child needs to learn to enjoy children, conversations, photos, and activities revolving around them, plus she must get use to frequent interruptions and get past them.

Part of being a parent note many, is also re-evaluating you own situation. They suggest taking extra precautions and frequent checks to ensure you don’t get inducted into the “mommy-mafia”, the stereotypical lot of ladies who lament about their children, mates, jobs, and/or lack of fun and excitement. Instead they suggest cultivating your “me-first” mom skills by staying true to you, taking time to nurture yourself and your relationships.

Remember, when the kids start to grow, enter school and eventually make friends of their own, you’ll once again need some interests and friends of your own too, so, cherish the ones you have, chances are if you’ve held on to them this long, they’re worth holding onto.