Rules To Live By: How To Make Happily Ever After A Reality

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By mia bolaris-forget

Lots of couples walk down the aisle to a fairytale celebration only to find out that the storybook romance often stops here, and that reality is far from fiction. Still, the honeymoon doesn’t always or necessarily “have” to be over once the (literal) honeymoon is over. Keeping your relationship strong is in fact a lot like keeping your body strong, it needs lots of HARD word and effort and it takes a LOT of time. Plus, just like there are certain aspects and ideals of your “ideal” body that you have to accept, there are things about your mate and your marriage that you also simply have to accept.

· You can’t change anyone unless they want to change (first for themselves): The truth is that good intentions don’t always yield lasting results. Your mate may want to lose weight, quit smoking or be better about being ready on time, but if that’s how you met him or her, that’s likely how he or she will be, act, or react 10, 20, even 30 or more years down the road. So, it’s best to accept some attributes (that you’re able to live with) and to learn when to speak and how to pick your battles wisely.

· Parenting WILL change you and your relationship: While you don’t have to entirely lose sense of who you are as a couple or as individuals, children do and will change how you each see yourselves, your roles and each other. So, you may have to trade quantity time for quality time and redefine what you expect from yourselves and each other.

· Every once in a while you need to hit the refresh button: Marriage is a contract, and just like with any other contract, sometimes it just needs to be brought up for evaluation and review. This allows both partners to take a look at themselves and each other, renegotiate terms and see what can be done better so that the other person wants to say in this partnership willingly and happily….and since we’re all changing all the time…it’s imperative for personal and marital growth and success.

· Learn to redefine love and loving: Love changes over time and with changes that take place in each of you…..expect it. Also expect your love to grow, change and mature as you each mature and get more use to and comfortable with each other. So, while you may not always be “in love”, you can show love to each other, in fact more than you did when love was in the passion phase…and overall that can be most gratifying if you’re willing to accept that the butterflies may subside over time.

· Love yourself first: Yes, unconditional, unselfish love is imperative for a strong bond….but, that has to come from within. Find yourself first and really know who YOU are and like who you are before you add another person to the mix. The better you know and like YOU and the life you are living (including your flaws) the easier it will be to like, accept and love someone else with their shortcomings and flaws and to be happy and content in spite of it all.

· Learn the art of compromise: Resign yourself to the fact that you won’t always get your way (no, not even if you nag). So, unless you can afford two of everything, including perhaps separate residences so you can have things just the way YOU like, remember to simply “live and let live, even when you don’t see eye to eye.

· The whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts: Remember that you are no longer single and that every decision and choice should hinge on what’s best, not for one, but for both of you. It’s no longer just about YOUR wants, likes, and needs, but those of your significant other as well, so remember to make his or her desires as much of a top priority as you would your own…and if your both busy trying to please the other, no one will wind up completely displeased.