Relationship Rescue: Managing Marriage And Common Arguements

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

Everyone expects life to change after the wedding, but many of us don’t know exactly how. In fact, most of us likely anticipated pre-“I do”, that life would continue “normally” only now there would be two of you.

Well, that’s not exactly how it works out. In fact, both parties find they have to make some serious changes. It’s more than likely you’ll have to cut back on some of your hobbies and instead tend to your family. You’ll also have to spend more time cooking, cleaning, and (food) shopping. And, you’ll each have to really learn to live with each other’s little quirks.

With that said, what often happens is that familiarity bread contempt. But, while it may sometimes feel like it, that doesn’t mean you’re out of love, it simply means you may not be loving the current situation. That alone may lead the two of you to fight. But, you are not alone. Here are at least three common problems and their practical solutions.

1. At Each Other’s Throats All The Time: Whether you’re stressed or simply trying to adjust to your new schedule and dynamic the notion that this “new” lifestyle is a forever commitment can be intimidating, even if you’ve been married for years. Let’s face it in the heat of frustration we all ask ourselves “do I really want to do “this” for the rest of my life”? But, what’s important is realizing that, that’s only your heart and emotions doing the talking, and that the relationship still has a strong leg to stand on if you don’t speak or act on impulse.

Instead wait until you can calmly convey your feelings. And, if the conversation has already taken a turn for the worse, you can still save face, and your relationship by acknowledging it and stopping it before a bad reaction turns worse. You may even want to walk away and find your own space until you calm down. Then try to explain what’s bothering you without getting too overly emotional and offer you opinion as to a viable alternative but remain open to your mate’s input and opinions too.

2. The Law Of Diminishing Returns: You’ll find that the more comfortable you get in your relationship the less likely that your spend “quality” time together, at least when it comes to sex and intimacy. And, while you may begin questioning your love for and attraction to your spouse or vice versa, you should note that what you are experiencing, while not preferable, is normal.

Most couples that don’t see each other too often, live together or decide to tie the knot feel an insatiable urge toward intimacy. However, as time goes on and time spent together increases, the urge to merge decreases, transforming the once “undercover” relationship into a deep, caring and loving companionship with the plus side of some sex, though perhaps not as intense as it once was. Plus, while it’s different, it can still be great.

Experts caution however not falling into the rut where love replaces sex. And, they add the only way to avoid sexual aversion is to actually make time for it.

3. Freedom Fights: Serious relationships that result in marriage often infringe on our personal liberties. No longer can we simply make plans or do as we please. Even for those not living together or not yet married, its imperative to understand that there is now someone else out there who cares about you and your decisions and had a stake in your life. Marriage simply intensifies this concept a thousand fold. But, for many “free-spirited” independents, this may feel confining and constricting and that may lead to “anger”, frustration and resentment. And, there’s a good chance your mate feels the same way too.

Still, experts suggest that having the best of both worlds IS possible. Simply discuss your needs and how they can work for both of you. If a night out is what you want and need perhaps you can reach a compromise on what you do, for how long or who with, if your mate doesn’t like your friends and fears their decisions and their influence. You can even resolve to follow up by doing something special just for the two of you. Perhaps a nice, romantic bath, or an erotic body massage.

As long as you are both able to respect each other wishes and each other’s parameters you should both be fine.