I’m In The Mood For Love: Monitoring Your Various Love Moods For A Successful Marriage

Save to notebook Email article Print article More articles

By Mia Bolaris-Forget

You’re up, you’re down, you’re happy, you’re sad and the list of “extreme” emotions continues. No, it’s not that you are “unstable”, but rather that your in a relationship and falling or already in love.

Still, making your relationship work and last means understanding its nature and the many mysterious phases of “happily every after”.

· Stage One: Just like with most things you experience for the first time, there’s an overwhelming joy and excitement that takes you to new heights. Even just thinking about the other person can elicit euphoria. In fact, other than the other person, you can’t and don’t think about much else, and sleeping and eating less are quite common as your hormones sore to new heights.

This phase usually lasts for three to six months, so enjoy it while you can, taking full advantage of your newfound energy and ramped up relationship drive. It’s even okay to forego hanging out with friends during this phase, especially since, given the circumstances, they’ll likely understand.

· Stage Two: Reality begin to set in at this stage and you’re both no longer as easily infatuated with the other as you first were. In fact, you both noticed that the other is far from perfect and may even find some discrepancy with some faults. And, you now finally start to make time for others and other obligations, instead of just for each other as well. And, while it may seem like you may be falling “out of love”, that’s not necessarily true, say experts. In fact, it’s practically unavoidable, since the previous pace was one you couldn’t keep up with for long. Plus, this is the perfect phase to get a clearer look at the person you’ve been smitten with and make more balanced and rational decisions abut them and their personality and see if you are truly compatible. You just may be surprised at what you discover.

· Phase Three: Once you’ve accepted the other person, even with all their silly flaws and quirks (somewhere between six months and a year into the relationship), you’ll probably also get worrying about getting comfortable and/or feeling bored. That means you’ll probably also stop stressing over finding new and exciting things to do, staying always on the go, and being pro-active in keeping the other person interested. Instead, you’ll both begin to enjoy the “simpler” things in life like unwinding after a long day’s or week’s work and settling in, in front of the TV. Just be careful not to allow comfort to turn into complacency. Instead, experts suggest trying to add a little zest back into the relationship and turning some things back to “the way they use to be”. Set aside time to do fun things together, but remember to persue your own interests and hobbies to keep yourself satisfied and to keep you interesting to your partner as well. Also, make sure your keep up with all those special extras that you did for each other when you first met. They may seem trivial, but they make you relationship unique and special, setting it apart from other, and making it worth working at and holding on to.

· Stage Four: Fight of flight can enter the relationship stage meaning that you’ll both either work hard at your union or you’ll look to get out of it. It’s the phase where you realize that relationships, like work, are, well, work and, for the most part, routine (especially if there are kids involved). It’s the stage where it’s likely you’re both ensconced in your own life, including work, home, gardening, and family and don’t do much out on the social scene. But, be careful, this can take a toll both on you individually and on your relationship. Make sure that you not only set aside time for each other (only, via date night), but also take time individually for yourselves. Do you own thing, then reconnect. It’s important in keeping you and the other person interested. Just make sure not to spend too much time apart.

· Stage Five: After a few years, it’s likely you’ve gotten most of the relationship stuff down pat. You’ve learned to pick your battles wisely and that you can agree to disagree. You’ve also likely learned how to argue without “fighting”, and that a disagreement doesn’t have to end in “divorce”. Basically you’ve learned to work the highs and lows and balance them out. But, taking the relationship and each other for granted may very well still be at risk. Don’t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, especially if it makes your mate happy and is a reasonable request. Remember, if you’re both striving to keep yourselves and each other happy, you’ll transition through the various phases more smoothly, finding yourself deeper in love each time, especially since as people we all need to lows (sometimes) to give us a greater appreciation of the highs.