Decoding PMS: Overcoming Post Marital Syndrome

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

It’s not unusual for couples to experience PMS, post marital syndrome once the party is over and they realize “the party is over”. And, while even experts attest to getting wrapped up in the romance of it all, say that successful marriages learn from before the “I Dos” how to separate fantasy from reality.

In fact, they suggest that the LOVE in marriage is a verb rather than a noun or an adjective and the marital bliss can only be achieved by working through the occasional and sometimes seemingly frequent blisters. And, they offer the following advice for ensuring true love turns into happily ever after.

· Get Rid Of Idealistic Ideas: Even the love of your life can leave you “lamenting” over the decision to commit “forever”. As experts note, even the your soul mate can make you mad on occasion, leaving you wondering “if” you made the right choice and/or what happened to the person you (thought) you fell in love with.

But, they add, that person is still there, it’s just that the “for worse” part of your vows may be occasionally rearing their ugly head and real life becomes more and more a reality. And, in many cases, say experts, the problem is not your mate, but rather you, realizing that marriage is not just champagne and the cha-cha slide.

But, according to experts, these ups and downs are normal and so are your fluctuating feelings. In fact, they suggest you’d have more to be concerned with if you NEVER had “any” doubts, since LIFE is and “will” have it’s own ups and downs that will take their toll and have specific affects on each of you. Not to mention that each of you is his or her own individual with individual idiocyncracies and imperfections too.

Still, sticking it out, they note outweighs throwing in the towel. Not only do statistics show that married couples are happy, but that for the most part, they live longer too.

· Success Means Learning Compromise and Turn The Other Cheek: Sure marriage takes work, but experts suggest that you don’t have to completely abandon your personality or individuality or put up with actions, behaviours or talk that you find offensive. It means that no matter how long you know a person you “will” have differences and (sometimes) grow in different directions. You both need to keep learning about each other and being open, as you once were when dating, to the other person’s opinion, even if you don’t always agree with it. At least, say experts, hear your partner out and try to respect him or her for the way he or she approaches or sees things. Remember, it’s likely that since your first date, you’ve changed quite a bit too. So, cut your partner some slack and try to read between the lines you may currently not like.

· It’s Okay To Get Upset And Go To Bed “Angry”: While sleeping in separate rooms typically is NOT recommended, nor is not speaking for days or weeks at a time, having emotions, even “negative” one is a good thing. And, experts suggest that sleeping on a situation may be better than trying to hash it out and resolve it in one night, and each of your falsely thinking that once you’ve reached an acceptable “verdict” everything will be forgiven and FORGOTTEN, so you can “make up”. A better suggestion is “going to bed angry” and let the time lapse give you clearer perspective and “cool you both off”.

· My Baby Does The Hanky Panky…Well, Not Always: Couples think that marriage is a carte balance to the dessert tray. But in reality life and the addition of children and some responsibilities you’re both not use to may cause you to loose your sweet tooth. In fact, there’s nothing wrong with not having sex, even for a long time, sometimes, say experts. In fact, they add that regardless of how attractive your partner is, and how “hot” you find him or her, and despite there being nothing but love between you, sexless periods are a common part of married and family life. And, believe it or not, is not really much to worry about, nor is it a sign that you’ll never get physical again. It simply means that, despite what the media would have you believe about other couples, you’re now part of rewarding lifestyle, one in which the other S-word has become more of a priority.

· No One Really Wins, It’s More A Matter Of Compromise: Experts suggest that while some things may be “black and white”, most areas in marriage are grey. And, in fact, it’s those “differences” that probably caused you to fall in love with the other person in the first place. So, make sure you understand that while you love your mate and her or she loves you, you wont’ always agree, and that means learning to agree to disagree peacefully.