Put It In Drive: Re-Igniting Your Sex Drive

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

Men and women are obviously different. From the way we are built to the way we (often) think and most fundamentally to our physical needs, we definitely have different drives in life. So much so that throughout history many men have kept concubines to cater to their seemingly insatiable appetite for sex. And, there’s (now) even a (magic) pill for those who may need a little extra assistance.

But, for us ladies, there’s no “magic” pill, cure, or solution, to put us in the mood or on the same page as our men. And more often than not, the only thing we want to do when we (finally) get to bed is sleep. Yet, without compromising the relationship or the “art” or “relating’ we are left to battle fatigue, lack of desire, etc. before it sabotages our love life and a healthy, loving, long-lasting liaison.

Running Out Of Time: One of the most common problems couples face, is that they don’t have as much time (as they’d like or want) to get “romantic. But according to experts intimacy is just as important as other “priorities” that top your agenda. They suggest making time for being together. Stop whatever you’re doing early (even if it means getting the kids to bed a bit earlier too) or make a date if you have to.

Exercise Your Right To A Healthy Sex Life: Most of us are depleted of energy by the end of the day. Consider working out (a bit) just before bed. Exercise increases energy and makes it harder for most to get to sleep, which means you’ll be re-energized for sex, and you’ll even burn off a few extra calories.

Learn To Accommodate your mate: While the timing may be less than ideal for you, and just “perfect” for your partner, neither of you should feel like your needs aren’t being respected, which calls for compromise. You can opt for a quickie or schedule a better time (but be sure to stick to it), or even use your imagination when it comes to other enjoyable options that don’t include the rigorous demands of intercourse.

Kiss And Make Up: Sex is a great way to relieve tension, anger, and put your (petty) differences behind you. However, often times disappointment and anger stand in the way of intimacy. Be honest with your partner, resolve your issues and then rekindle the romance and the passion.

Words To The Wise: Conversation and communication is key to any healthy relationship. However you shouldn’t let important conversations wait until bedtime, a time to either unwind or get close. Instead let you partner know that there’s something you need or would like to discuss and set aside a specific time so that it doesn’t interfere with some of the finer points of your relationship.

Be Attentive: Not only to what your partner likes or needs physically but also emotionally and really hear what he or she is conveying to you. Don’t immediately take offense to suggestions or use the time he or she is pouring his/her heart out to plan your rebuttal. Instead lend a loving ear and work together at making sure both parties are pleased inside the bed and out.

Spice Up Your (Love) Life: It’s easy for couples to fall into an expected, anticipated and often “comfortable” routine that doesn’t lend much in the way of excitement or romance, even during intercourse. Heat things up by doing something exciting or at least different to rekindle the spark at least once a week. Learn to heat things up out of the bedroom and things in the bedroom will likely follow suit.

Take A Walk Down Memory Lane: Take time daily to relive great memories especially about romantic (and intimate) things you’ve engaged in the past. According to experts when you fantasize about enjoying sex, it’s likely you will.

Take A Chance: Do something spontaneous, adventurous or something you thought you’d never do.

Take It Nice And Easy: A once in a while “quickie” is great for a “quick fix” but for enjoyable sex experts suggest slowing it down and taking your time.

Take The Initiative: Couples often have different ideas about what is sexy and what the purpose of sex is. Initiate sex talk with your partner and let him/her know what you expect, what you like and how often, among other (important) things. And, don’t expect perfection every time. Instead take the time to explore, experiment and grow together.

All Pain NO Gain: A majority of women (nearly 86%) experience some sort of sexual pain or dysfunction after giving birth. Nursing can also adversely affect sex drive making intercourse painful. And other saboteurs include taking the pill, going through menopause or having your ovaries removed. Also testosterone levels (responsible for sex drive) can start significantly declining naturally in women in their late 20s. And, some serious medical conditions can also contribute to causing pain during intercourse. But, according to experts even these ladies don’t have to put their love life on hold.

· Choose a good lubricant: Lubricants and vaginal moisturizers relieve vaginal dryness and other related symptoms such as itching and irritation; and they can be purchased over the counter.

· Invest in an estrogen cream: Even nursing women may be able to use a doctor-prescribed vaginal estrogen cream since very little of the ointment is absorbed into your body and won’t get passed along to your nursing baby. What it WILL do is thicken vaginal lining and promote lubrica5tion.

· Consider Another Contraceptive: Ask your doctor about birth control pills that don’t affect your libido or simply switch to another type of birth control that doesn’t wreak havoc on your hormones or your sex drive.

· Ask About Increasing Your Testosterone: Many health care providers prescribe a mix of testosterone creams for women in an effort to increase their sex drive. Plus, it is said to improve arousal and orgasm and all other aspects of a satisfying sex life.

· See a specialist: Consult your doctor (OB/GYN) about your discomfort and pain and get a professional diagnosis and make sure to discuss you options.