Turn Back Time: Rekindling An “Old Flame” With Your Forever Mate

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

Most of us (gals) can’t wait to settle down, and settle in with that someone special and “for the rest of our lives”. And, in fact, even experts agree that we were build for a bonding and for forming formidable friendships and relationships in our lives. Still, just like you don’t and wouldn’t want to see or hang out with the same friends every day or indulge in the same meal every night (even if it “is” you all-time favourite), getting it on with the same gal or guy night after night, can get just as routine and mundane, leaving you longing for a time when you couldn’t wait to “put out” rather than looking at sex as merely another “obligation” that you’d rather (at least for the moment) put off. And, that may leave you wondering “what happened”. After all you got the guy (or gal) of your dreams, but the dreams you’re having are no longer “erotic”. Instead you and your loving partner can likely pretty much boast about a relationship that’s comfortable and satisfying pretty much everyone but in the bedroom.

Guess what…you’re not alone. In fact, couplehood, as comforting as it is can be catastrophic on your sex life, especially since you don’t necessarily “hold out” for it any more. Heard the expression “familiarity breeds contempt”. Well, when it comes to sex and intimacy, “this” certainly “can” be one of the byproducts, primarily because seeing each other is an expected daily occurrence and NOT something you each have to look forward to. Plus, it’s likely that when you are together you don’t always want the same thing or are even on the same page and that can sabotage your “sexy time”.

· Remember absence make the heart grow fonder: Chances are that even if you both work, you are not giving yourselves or each other enough time to miss each other. True, your bond may be stronger than ever and knowing you always have someone to go home to offers a certain sense of security, but it takes away the mystery, the passion and desire you once felt. Rekindle “lust” and longing by reasserting your individuality and independence. Not only will it give you each something (interesting) to talk about but it will make your mate seem more unattainable and interesting too. And, that can fuel the flames of passion, just like before.

· Explore “new” territory: What also made your mating more exciting “in the beginning” was that you were likely still finding out about each other. From likes, dislikes, ways of life, thinking, etc. to what turned your partner on in bed you were both probing for answers and taking risks and chances to please (and surprise) your partner. Now, it’s likely you’ve both “been there done that” and even romance has gotten routine.

Consider literally going on a date with your mate and really re-connecting and finding out about new things in his or her life. You may also want to keep an open mind about how your mate has changed and what he or she may now want (to try) “in private”. You may also want to try to spend time together sans any responsibilities. Take some time off from life and get away without the kids or just spend a night or weekend home alone without them, turn off the phone (tell people to contact you on your cell in case of emergency), and just relive the days of dating when it was just about having fun and just between the two of you. Last but not least take a trip either figuratively or literally to a place or two where it all began or where there are LOTS of good memories to relive. It’s all about shifting the focus back on to the two of you.

· Get “high” on love: Every “new” situation, especially a new and budding relationship can leave most of us floating on cloud nine. And, we have our natural hormones to thank for this feeling of euphoria and elation. But, with time and familiarity hormone levels drop and so do our feelings of excitement about each other. After all, what was “new” is not anymore and is more tried and true.

Revv up your reaction (to your mate) by recreating those feelings you had at first. Boost hormone levels via exercise or watching a suspenseful movie which can often help your body simulate those feelings of insatiable attraction you had and felt for your mate. Another option is trying new things in and out of the bedroom, as long as they don’t make you uncomfortable or compromise your values. Relationship experts note that challenging your creativity and stepping outside your comfort zone can add some much need spice to your relationship and sex life.

· “Please” yourself first. No, not “in that way’, but by taking the time to do something that is purely for the purpose of making YOU feel sexy, and good. Remember how much time you invested in being attractive, first to yourself and next to others before you were thrown full-force into the real world and/or perhaps got into a long-term relationship? Well, while no one is suggesting you live like a hormonally charged adolescent, pampering and taking care of yourself is a must if you plan on taking “good” care of your partner. Remember, if you like how you feel and what you see (when you look inward and in the mirror), you’ll be more likely to want to share and to please (your partner, that is). And, that often translates into redefining your own “seduction” style and bringing back to surface the art of “flirting” and “enticing” you were once so good at.

* Focus on something other than sex. Most couples don’t hop into bed on the first date and they may not even wind up in bed every time they hook up, even when they are dating. Then of course, there’s those who opt to wait until marriage. Regardless, sex is “never” a “given” in any given relationship, and that should include marriage. So, to go from something that was once “spontaneous” and you each worked cleverly and creatively towards, to something that is pretty much expected can be quite the let down and may cause quite and undue amount of stress and tension. Instead find other ways to enjoy each other and each other’s company and have fun with no ulterior motives or expectations; chances are if you’re having fun, the rest “will” follow.

Long Island Relationship Articles > Turn Back Time: Rekindling An “Old Flame” With Your Forever Mate